To: K-list
Recieved: 2003/04/25 00:42
Subject: [K-list] Another newly awakened! (really long post!)
From: J. Bradley
On 2003/04/25 00:42, J. Bradley posted thus to the K-list:
Hi everyone, my name is Jude, and I'm so glad you're all out there! I've
been spending hours on the net recently, researching this new thing that's
turning my life upside-down and inside-out, and yesterday, I found the list
... and finally!! I can type about it!! A bit of a warning -- this has been
bottled up inside me for awhile now, and I used to type for a living. This
is going to be long. *ahems*
I looked at the FAQ, and then I looked very briefly at the archives ...
well, to be fair, at one page of the archives ... thinking I would try to
get a sense of what people generally talk about when they first post. It
was just too much, all those posts, all those Re:'s ... and there wasn't
anything really in the FAQ about what's a good idea to go on about in one's
first post. So if I'm not following netiquette here, my apologies!
I live in Ottawa, Canada, and I'm a registered massage therapist. I don't
do 'regular' massage, however, as my passion is craniosacral therapy,
learned through the Upledger Institute. Prior to this, I went to college
for computer programming, with an emphasis on information systems, and then
I spent a few years at university, studying psychology. The latter didn't
land me a degree, because by the time I was enrolled in my first psych
class, I was in psychotherapy, trying to deal with various and sundry abuse
issues I had from my childhood/teen years. I did manage to pick up about
three years worth of psych, however. During this time, I was also raising
two children on my own.
Somehow, I ended up in massage therapy school. In Ontario, this entails
2200 hours of study; it's not something taken lightly, the rubbing of
bodies. For this, I'm grateful, because I certainly don't take it lightly!
*smiles*
While I was in massage therapy school, I took three craniosacral and two
somatoemotional release courses. Apparently, this was rather incredible, as
one typically finishes massage school, and then takes one cranial course a
year. But I've never been one to follow recipes, not in the kitchen, and
not in life. I graduated from massage school two years ago. Last May,
things started to change for me in my work, as I was compelled to explore
energy work more and more. I spent many hours last summer out in my
backyard, at my beat-up old picnic table, making energy bubbles and
exploring the idea that if I 'ask' ?who? ?what? (I had a very hard time with
the concept of God/Goddess/spirit guides, although I was comfortable with
the idea of a 'universal database') for something, I'd get it. So, about
once a week, I would say out loud to the night sky, "Ok, I'm ready for the
next step." Whatever that was, I had no idea. Then something new would
come to me.
Well, it got pretty strange for me. I spent a lot of time 'unwinding' as
it's called in craniosacral therapy; basically, that's about letting, say,
my arm drift off in the direction it wants to. When I sense a pause
(usually a fairly subtle thing), I 'hold' it in the position it paused at,
and then there'll be a 'release'. By release, I mean tissue or energy
release. Then I let go of the hold, and my arm'll move off in a new vector.
I did this with pretty much every part of my body. In retrospect, I was
preparing my body for the kundalini, although of course I didn't know that
then. From what I've read, many would call the unwinding kriyas ...
although I control them, as that is my training.
By the fall, I was calling the process the 'funky unwind' ... and I was
finding myself in the most incredible postures! One time, I swear --
although I was alone and I've not been able to do it since -- my feet were
planted on the floor, facing one way, and my head was on the floor behind
them. I could bend over backwards and I could balance in the most
incredible ways; my flexibility was amazing. I also developed perfect aim
with my left hand (I'm right-handed) -- mostly by tossing tea light candles
all over my basement. The people I knew couldn't figure out why I needed to
demonstrate that particular skill, but I was quite enthralled. I didn't
have a clue what was happening to me, but I was sure having a great time!
During this time, I was on an antidepressant -- I'd suffered severe clinical
depression regularly for many years; however, around about mid-January, it
occurred to me I HAD to stop taking the stuff. It suddenly felt like
poison, and I got it into my head I'd die from it if I kept taking the
stuff. I don't know if any of you have ever taken antidepressants, but
there's one cardinal rule -- you don't go off them really quickly.
Especially not effexor. I was also taking an antidepressant called
trazadone at night, so I could sleep -- I wouldn't sleep unless I took it (I
was an insomniac for many years). Well, like most other things, I made up
my mind, and I went off everything in about two weeks. And it was during
this time that the Kundalini was really waking up and saying hello.
By the beginning of February, I was about as insane as I could be and still
sort of function in the world. (Although there were about three days when I
absolutely couldn't; fortunately, one of my remaining friends spent years as
an AA counsellor and saw me through the combined effexor/kundalini shakes.)
It was so strange. Everything was a movie -- and I'd been watching stuff
like "Dogma", "Signs", "The Matrix", "Lord of the Rings" ... and we all had
roles; life was screen-in-screen or something (kind of like in "Dogma").
What was strange was everyone I asked could identify "their" movie -- almost
without fail, everyone had one movie which felt like it had been written
just for them, and everyone could tell me who they identified with. I never
did figure out who I was ... I was the only one I knew who didn't relate to
a specific character, which was a little odd, I suppose. I feel like I'm
completely recovered from all the insanity but, to be honest, I miss it a
little. *smiles* And now, I don't take anything. For the first time in
over a decade, I don't use sleeping pills. For this, I truly love the
kundalini. An addiction to/reliance on prescription pills is so awful -- as
I said to a friend recently, they really are just a counter up from street
drugs.
During late January and pretty much all of February, and like the guy who
wrote the story "The Day My Kundalini Woke Up" -- when I went out, typically
by bus, people looked like saints. I remember one day, coming home from the
clinic on the bus, I could've kissed everyone (good thing I didn't try!).
They all just -shone-; it was like I could see the light of their souls, and
there wasn't an evil person anywhere. And people were reacting to me -- one
woman on the bus, one day, we'd just started talking, and she looked at me
at one point and said, "There's just something about you?" I had no idea
what she was talking about, and it was a little unnerving, because I'm the
person you won't see. Years of abuse left me with the ability to 'hide'
when I'm out among people. That's the one thing from the whole experience
I'm glad is gone, because it wasn't really comfortable for me. Like in the
story, people were looking -at- me, and it was a first for me.
Physically what's happening to me right now is a bit difficult, however. I
know beyond the shadow of a doubt if I'd never had any body or talk therapy,
I'd probably be dead. I had so many issues -- physically and emotionally --
the K energy would've blown me right out of the water. Both my kids were
born by C-section, and the K energy hitting the scarring from those alone
would've landed me in the hospital. As it is, the K seems to have passed my
solar plexus chakra just this past week, and is now apparently working on my
heart chakra. My sense is that the chakras above my heart chakra are
opened, and it's this last one that's to be worked out. For the last few
weeks, I've had the sense of a huge anxiety bubble of dread attached to my
solar plexus/heart chakra, and it's pretty much there 24-7. Not pleasant at
all.
But, other than that, I haven't suffered too much. My kidneys are weak --
have been since my first pregnancy -- and my lungs are too (five bouts of
pneumonia when I was six, and years of smoking-induced asthma). So I've had
lots of mid-back pain for the last few weeks. I haven't been able to afford
to get treatments for quite awhile now ... but next week, I'll be doing
exchanges with another cranial therapist, so I'm confident I'll get past
this difficult stuff.
And I suppose this (very typical of me, btw) long-winded email is about
that. I feel very strongly -- and it's one of those intuitive things, -and-
I get my whole-body goosebumps (which I read about on El Collie's website,
which was very validating) -- that the horrible suffering so many people go
through with the kundalini awakening doesn't necessarily have to happen.
Now if I've already offended people by stating this so blatantly, I
sincerely apologize!! I never mean to offend people, and I should've stated
that right off the top -- it's probably because I'm a Taurus with
Sagittarius rising or something *laughs* -- I do that a lot. I'm very
blunt. But my sense is, and I've seen this written, when the K energy
reaches a restriction in the body or energy field, it just blasts at it
until it's gone. The K energy doesn't seem to give a rat's *ss if something
hurts ... it's going up, come hell or high water. I was just fine until it
found my kidneys -- and that was something I was getting around to getting
treated, but I haven't had any work on them. Well, ok, the insanity
aside -- but I believe that was partly mediated by quitting the effexor --
everything was just grand until it got to my kidneys. I strongly believe if
I'd had some good work -- craniosacral therapy, visceral manipulation,
acupuncture -- this wouldn't be a problem.
Anyways, I suppose I should stop typing. I really hope I haven't upset
anyone, especially not those of you who've suffered with the K energy. If
there's anyone out there who lives near me and who would consider getting
together -- and I hope this isn't considered rude to ask! -- I would so love
that! I suppose everyone here knows the all-alone-in-the-universe feeling
that comes with K rising.
If you've made it all the way here -- thank you so much for your patience!
I feel SO much better, just knowing someone might read what I've typed.
*sighs hugely with relief*
Thanks, and take good care all,
Jude
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