To: K-list
Recieved: 2003/04/14 09:30
Subject: Re: [K-list] Anger and K AT_NOSPAM OMA
From: Mystress Angelique Serpent
On 2003/04/14 09:30, Mystress Angelique Serpent posted thus to the K-list:
At 09:55 PM 10/04/03, One Man Alone wrote:
>I, One Man Alone(simply like the sound of it), have thought of something.
>Resolutions are all clearly mistakes.
Yes, I concur. I have found I cannot make promises, or resolutions. As
soon as I do, circumstances change, something happens to make it end up
differently. I let it all go to "as Goddess wills", and surrender makes
results much more effectively than any effort to manifest "my" will.
> In human nature, a problem can be remembered and brought up during any
> appropriate argument of misdeeds towards our fellow man. "Always", "Never",
I wrote an essay once about "never say never." I find it almost
guarantees the likelihood of the thing that was to be "never" showing up
overnight. Limitless manifestation denies the possibility of "never."
>"Your fault", "Not", "Is", "Would've", "Should've", "Could've", all things
>that overstate our true feelings. In anger, we overshoot what we say to
>the most extreme circumstances as a sign of exhaustion of misery. How many
>times has someone wanted to die or kill? How many times has someone just
>wanted to burn something bothering them?
Sure, it is human.
Robert Anton Wilson spoke at a conference I attended, and the topic of
his speech was the value of "maybe." Of how choosing not to be certain of
anything, keeps your mind flexible, and open to new information, ideas and
options. How certainty leads to conflict and opposition, war...
Maybe you are alone.
Maybe you deserve to be alone.
Maybe you will die alone.
Maybe not!
> Try playing gulf for the first time.
I did. LOL!! Silly game. I was useless at it.
>has just been getting thicker and thicker. Want to know what K is doing
>for me? The opposite of what I expected, and it's better than what I
>wanted. So far, I feel much less restrained about expressing my anger and
>feeding my violent and destructive urges.
Your statements contradict each other.
> K has been getting rid of that ego of public figure in hopes of
> appearing normal and sane, and has brought out ME and is letting me run
> free instead of hiding my true feelings.
Yup, it does that. Peels away the social mask. Brings up the emotional
baggage, lets it all out so you can be free...
but are you free?
No?
K. is not done with you, yet. : )
> Either that or I just went more nuts than I use to be and I'm
> subconsciously suppressing K's advance on inner peace.
Maybe the peace comes after the anger is released.
> Like I said, I like feeling angry,
What do you like about it?
> Why sleep when I could be ranting and raving like a secretly sad,
> depressed, bitter, little piece of crap teenager hiding behind his anger
> as a shield that absorbs damaging emotions like sorrow and guilt?
Ah, that's why... under the anger lies sorrow, guilt. The depression is
the anger turned inwards, so it is indeed healthier to express it in a way
that does not damage anyone, including yourself. Acts of self destruction
are the last effort at control. Peeling the onion... what lies underneath
the sorrow and guilt? What lies under that, and under that, and under
that... You are using anger to avoid these other feelings, but moving into
them and naming them helps to shift them.
I teach my students a game called "name the dragon" (in stories,
finding the true secret name of a dragon gives you power over it, like the
gnome in Rumplestiltskin.) It is actually a psychological exercise called
"focusing." There is a book by that title that describes it in more depth.
The game is to focus on your emotions, and feel your way to naming them
very precisely. Try many different names. When you find their true name,
you will know it because you will feel an internal shift, sigh, and the
emotion will pass, it will depart to reveal the underlying emotion... which
is sometimes quite different from the covering emotion. Name that one too,
and the one under it, and the one under it, and...
In this way you peel the onion, layer by layer... and in the center, is
peace.
It is kind of like what you are doing, in this post, moving from anger
to sadness... except you stop too soon. What lies under the sadness?
> The truth is, I'm sad, lonely, depressed, and most of all angry, but at
> least I'm not fake. Have a nice day
Ya know... I accept that what you say about how you are feeling, in the
moment is true for you... however, I suspect it is, in its own way more
fake than the toothy smiles and sparkling eyes you resent so much.
Anger makes you feel powerful. The underlying emotions of loneliness,
sorrow and guilt do not feel powerful. However, all that IS fake, just
stuff coming up to be released, and when it is released you will discover
power that does not require anger, joy that does not need a reason, peace
that passeth understanding and loneliness as an illusion.
You are attached to your anger, and you are so attached to your
loneliness that you reaffirm it, with every post...
The Loner is an archetype, the classic thing of one lone warrior,
misunderstood, against the world, yadda yadda. A romantic ideal to cling
to. Archetypes can be very powerful, but even Clint Eastwood got tired of
the typecasting.
It is a specific kind of insecurity that seeks to raise oneself up by
pushing others down. Being the independent, aloof loner can be a comforting
image, especially for those with limited social skills... but is it who you
really want to be? Seems like it is a choice made by default, you do not
know who else to be and you think you are being true to yourself. Your
*Self* is not that.
I appreciate your choice to be true to your emotions, but are the
emotions themselves, truth? Anger rises and falls, but you remain. Defining
yourself by your emotions, is selling yourself short. Feelings, thoughts
come and go, but *you* remain. *You* are not your feelings, thoughts or
emotions.
*You* are not the archetype you cling to, to define yourself.
Being an awakened teenager is sure no slice of cake. Hormones plus K.
playing ping pong with your head. Yoikes! Been there, done that...
This too, shall pass.
You may not realize it, but many of us here are quite fond of you... : )
The dreamer, seeks to run from fear.. but that is as useless as trying to
outrun your shadow.
The Litany against Fear, from "Dune":
"I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain." ~Frank Herbert.
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