To: K-list
Recieved: 2003/04/11 04:55
Subject: Re: [K-list] Anger and K AT_NOSPAM OMA
From: One Man Alone
On 2003/04/11 04:55, One Man Alone posted thus to the K-list:
I, One Man Alone(simply like the sound of it), have thought of something. Resolutions are all clearly mistakes. In human nature, a problem can be remembered and brought up during any appropriate argument of misdeeds towards our fellow man. "Always", "Never", "Your fault", "Not", "Is", "Would've", "Should've", "Could've", all things that overstate our true feelings. In anger, we overshoot what we say to the most extreme circumstances as a sign of exhaustion of misery. How many times has someone wanted to die or kill? How many times has someone just wanted to burn something bothering them? Try playing gulf for the first time. I couldn't hit the ball for the first dozen swings, then I bashed a pot-hole into the ground with the club. The unfairness or reality is that no matter how angry we get at someone, we can't just punch them in the face, and that makes us even more angry. I've fought(and always defeated) people before, but not nearly as many times as I could've, especially now that I'm "maturing". Since "maturing", I have restrained myself 90 percent of the time, which is about 90 percent more than I use to(not sure if that's worded correctly, but you get my meaning). My anger has constantly been combated by human civility and public restraint, and has just been getting thicker and thicker. Want to know what K is doing for me? The opposite of what I expected, and it's better than what I wanted. So far, I feel much less restrained about expressing my anger and feeding my violent and destructive urges. K has been getting rid of that ego of public figure in hopes of appearing normal and sane, and has brought out ME and is letting me run free instead of hiding my true feelings. Either that or I just went more nuts than I use to be and I'm subconsciously suppressing K's advance on inner peace. Like I said, I like feeling angry, and I might miss it so much that I'm refusing to calm down. So what if I blow my lid? So what if I die of a heart attack before I'm 30? So what if I get into a fight with a gang and get diced into little pieces. At least I didn't go out pretending to be happy. I want to be like a pinata when I die, as soon as I burst, all my anger and hate infects everyone around me, revealing another person dying without joy, peace, and love. Revealing another person cursed with the human plague of social logic and reason. It's that curse, that plague, that keeps us walking around like zombies with toothy smiles and sparkling eyes. It's 5:53 AM where I am, and I didn't sleep yet. I'm going to sleep after writing this, and one of my cats(usually Casper, Taz is lazy) will(not a guess, he always wakes me up) wake me up 2 hours from now so I can feed them. Then, I'll go to sleep at 5:53 AM again. Why sleep when I could be ranting and raving like a secretly sad, depressed, bitter, little piece of crap teenager hiding behind his anger as a shield that absorbs damaging emotions like sorrow and guilt? The truth is, I'm sad, lonely, depressed, and most of all angry, but at least I'm not fake. Have a nice day
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