To: K-list
Recieved: 2003/04/09 12:15
Subject: Re: [K-list] Anger and K
From: One Man Alone
On 2003/04/09 12:15, One Man Alone posted thus to the K-list:
I, One Man Alone, am nearly the embodiment of anger. I love my hate and anger. I live by my rage. It keeps me in tune and ready. It's better than slicing my throat open, which I'd never do as a Christian(I know, anger isn't very Christian either), and it keeps me feeling energetic. My whole life, all I've know is hate. It's part of me now. But, although K awakening was very early on, sense I started practicing with K my anger has increased by a billion. The slightest thing sets me aflame. Anything after that leaves me with enough rage to break the nearest breakable object. Not too long ago, I had a refreshing breakdown. My left arm was tingling, then I got light headed, THEN I took one last sip of Coke-a-cola before I froze with rage. I nearly broke the glass with my grip, but I was holding it by the bottom, so it wouldn't break. I was stuck for about 20 minutes, in a trance, with memories flashing past my eyes. My brother was in the room saying "Are you alright?" and other things, though he wasn't worried. My mother came in and starting crying when she realized that I couldn't move and was pouring sweat, trembling, and my face was as angry as it could get, and I was staring at the table. She approached me and started hugging me. She mentioned something that made me think. She said that my anger was just a shield to protect me from my real emotions, complete sorrow and depression. She said my breakdown was caused by all the bad things in my life, the let downs, the disappointments, the failures, the cruelty of the world, the bitterness, and that my breakdown marked a new beginning for me, that perhaps my anger was being flushed out. I did cry during my breakdown, after my anger burnt out. A few days later, I thought about it, and I think that I was crying AFTER my rage because different memories came through. There were the memories that angered me, and the memories that upset me. My rage is still very much alive and within. K isn't helping my rage, because I want my rage. My rage gives me motivation and reality. It reminds me that we're all worthless, no matter what we do, and the only real difference we can make is how many people we can either kill or save before we die. I, despite my hate, will try to save as many people from despair as I can. It's messed up. Never mind. I've just been rambling. You must've hit something in me. Never mind. This just gives you the basic idea of my anger. K relation in this message?(look left, look right) Yes, there is. K rather helps me understand more clearly what I'm mad at, or, perhaps, the breakdown was caused by K, trying to show me my true feelings and offering a chance to fix everything. However, I've come to the conclusion that for my life to get better, 7 people need to die. Just 6 I've met through life, and 1 I never knew. Well, bye. Hope you can decrypt my rambling. I, One Man Alone, sure can't. Have a nice day.
Sign - One Man Alone
I'm alone.
I deserve to be alone.
I will die alone.
DISCLAIMER!
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