To: K-list
Recieved: 2003/03/05 01:27
Subject: [K-list] My demons...Please read for more clarification. This h
From: One Man Alone
On 2003/03/05 01:27, One Man Alone posted thus to the K-list:
I, One Man Alone, am not what I appear. I, of course, have a sob story that spawned my misandry. While I'm not, um............open enough to explain the whole deal, I'll do my best, though I'll be shaking like a shaved hamster in a glass of ice water(like I usually do when I'm being open). First off, from the earliest time, I was born with a few slight birth defects(no, I'm not hideous), but that enough for people to insult the hell out of me. I've had the necessary surgeries by now, but the emotional damage is apparently done. Second thing bad that I'm aware of, is that apparently, though I don't remember a damn thing, my birth father was a real asshole and abusive towards my family and I, so a divorce took place and I've stayed with my mother(thank God for that). My oldest brother, 5 years older than me, was always calling me names too, and also getting me into a lot of trouble. Thanks to my older brother and his strong influence, I've stolen, vandalized, prank called cops and business, swore at teachers, nearly caused a car wreck for a woman and her 5 year old daughter, and the thing that haunts me the most is I hit a poor defenseless Dog over the head with a hammer(he lived and was fine in a week I heard) and that made me cry heavily while I typed this(I had to pause every few words to catch my breath). I deserve to be pinned to the ground and sliced into 8 pieces for that. I wish I could die after saying that. What I was thinking I don't know. I've lost my faith in God several times in my life, blamed him, disrespected him, and I deserve to burn in Hell forever. I'm strong in my convictions now, but I still wish I'd die. My demons are my own actions, and I can't get rid of them no matter how hard I try. They haunt me everyday. That's why I hold so high my intelligence and why I'm so easy to anger by what I think may be an attack on God's name. Through all of this, I've been able to maintain a high intelligence. (By now I wanted to commit suicide) I'm hoping that Kundalini will finally give me peace, but so far my anger and hate(which I know now is mostly towards myself) for the world is preventing it. Damn, I wish I would rot away. The last ten years I have been with my brother, and my mother in her course through college in which we lived in small 1 bedroom apartments. She's already got many degrees, and she's now getting PhD. For the last year and a half, my mother has been married to a British guy named Craig, and I have an asshole stepbrother who's 13 I think, and a stupid 9 year old stepsister, but I'll never consider them family. Really, everyone hates them. My real brother( I have 2, the oldest one that got me into trouble lives with my grandmother for other purposes, and my older brother, 2 years older than me, who lives with me and my mother) is doing his college work now, so we're not doing too many things lately. More info on my oldest brother, he's been living with my grandmother because when my mother decided to divorce my father, my grandmother didn't trust my mother with him and deci
P.S. Spree means to indulge yourself in a certain activity, like "shopping spree".
: )
Sign - One Man Alone
I'm alone.
I deserve to be alone.
I will die alone.
DISCLAIMER!
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