To: K-list
Recieved: 2003/02/25 01:24
Subject: Re: [K-list] deepsrin
From: mundane zen
On 2003/02/25 01:24, mundane zen posted thus to the K-list:
Dearest Deepsrin,
I was moved by your expression of personal suffering. I too went through a
similar "dark night of the soul" when I was younger.
>well, my problem is this. I am at a point where i dont
>trust or believe anything.
What an excellent place to be! It's the beginning of realization. All the
saints and sages went thru this dark period. But you haven't completely let
go. You're still clinging to things.
>I havent had K awakening at
>least i think i havent...but i have tried other forms
>of healing that also seem questionable. i tried reiki,
>i tried meditation i tried sahaj yoga (spontaneous K
>awakening by Matha Nirmala Devi)...but the tangiable
>experience of GOdliness isnt ever felt.
When you seek it, it moves far away. Let go of this craving for godliness
and it will suddenly appear right in front of you, when you least expect it.
>I also feel real dead inside. I feel like i havent made any
>spiritual progress in all my 23 years of life. I dont
>know what im living for.
Why do you need to live FOR something? Just be. Pure being is your
essence. It's what differentiates you from a rock or a machine.
>i am a very creative person, OR SO I THINK.
My first impression is that THINKING is the main cause of your suffering.
Can you witness these thoughts without identifying with them, without being
sucked into their whirlpool?
>but im in a career that i draining me.
>I want to get away but i cant.
What's wrong with your job? In this economic climate many people don't even
have a job. Are you getting enough sleep?
>i also struggle with sexual issues. In the east,
>where i come from, all the spiritual saints have
>preached brahmacharya or celebacy to attain god.
Celibacy just provides you with additional energy that you can sublimate
into spiritual energy. However, if you are overloaded with energy already,
maybe you need to release some of it.
>Sex and expressing sexuality is deemed dirty and non-godly.
If you believe in a creator god, then why did he create us with sex organs?
>Yet, in the Bagavad Gita, lord Krishna says that attainment
>of Moksha or liberation can also be done thru Kama or Sexual
>tantric practices....
Tantric practices generate sexual energy, which is then transformed into
spiritual energy -- moving the energy from the lower chakras to the higher
ones. Others can provide more detail on this subject.
>also, Christianity preaches abstainence to attain God.
Well, some sects do. We've had a lot of problems here in the Boston area
with priests not being about to maintain their celibacy -- not being able to
transform the energy. So, it comes out in very negative ways, like
molesting children and such.
>I HENCE TRY TO FIGHT my natural urges and practice
>abstinence but it is very dufficult...
If you are unable to transmute all the energy, find the easiest, least
harmful way to release it -- maybe masturbation. You'll feel a little
depressed afterwards, but that's just a bio-chemical reaction. It's normal.
>In short, im a burnout case in every way.
Life is a balance of opposites -- the yin and yang, if you will. If you
feel you're at a big low, then you're probably due for a big high to
maintain the balance. Yet, the real key is find that place which is beyond
highs and lows.
>I also feel that im a bad human being with a big ego...
No way! My ego was bigger than yours when I was young. ;)
>though ive been fooling myself that i have been getting
>rid of my basal emotions...
Of course you've been fooling yourself. If you TRY, you just add more
energy to the system. You add energy to one thing, it adds energy to its
opposite. Go beyond opposites to the whole.
>I dunno guys....im real down with all this stuff. i
>JUST kind of hate myself. I dont know what to do with
>myself.
Do nothing. Be here now. Sit. Breathe.
>sorry to be throwing a bunch of garbage out here..i
>knwo nothing made sense...thats how abstract my mind
>is also....thses days it cant stick to anything for
>too long. I want peace of mind. I want to find god. i
>want to find myself and be content with ME.
Who are you? The REAL you. You are not these thoughts, this despair, these
desires for peace and God and so forth. Let it all go.
>WHAT DO I DO? can someone help me>?
Do nothing.
"There is no need to go anywhere. Just sit down, settle down. The
mind is just like dust in water. If you are patient enough, the dust
will settle and the crystal-clear water will be there reflecting the
full moon." -- Unknown Zen Buddhist
When you are calm enough, your heart will guide you to the correct path.
Realization takes time. It doesn't come all at once. Enjoy the ride. This
dark time will pass.
Peace and Love,
ken
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