To: K-list
Recieved: 2003/02/19 21:18
Subject: Re: [K-list] Cliff Jumping
From: felix
On 2003/02/19 21:18, felix posted thus to the K-list:
On Wed, 19 Feb 2003 12:53:54 -0500
"mundane zen" <gutrek AT_NOSPAM hotmail.com> wrote:
That was really an astonishing story. It reminded me a lot
> of Carlos Castaneda's cliff jumping episodes. If memory
> serves me well, he ends his last book by jumping off a
> cliff in Mexico, and subsequently wakes-up in his
> apartment in Westwood, CA. Now that Carlos is dead, he's
> not going to provide any more information. So, I second
> the call for more details :)
Hi Ken,
I really don't have any more details that are pertinent to the event itself. Unlike Castenada, who was brought to the mountain top by Don Carlos and Don Genaro, who had their disciples jump off because of their faith in their teachers, I was alone. I just went for a walk and ended up doing what I did because I made some bad decisions, and didn't want to leave a legacy of stupidity. I probably will anyway. ;-)
I don't really care any more, especially since I formulated the question this morning that is important to me.
As a younster I was very serious about my early religious instruction. I read the Bible several times before I was 12, and realized that the only thing Jesus said about how he got to the place that let him do what he did was when he commanded his disciples to "go ye therefore into all the world.. " without taking any money or extra clothing and to be totally dependent on God.
I did this for about 7-10 years between the ages of 15 into my 30s. During this series of sojourns I fell into many situations like the Yosemite experience, where divine power was the only thing that allowed me to survive. I traveled all over North American in a condition of extreme poverty. Most of the time I had nothing but the clothes on my back. Dependent only upon wit, grit, and the kindness of strangers.
I encounter individuals that helped me for their own reasons, and then there were those who seemed appointed. The ones who appeared to be appointed always gnew exactly what I most desperately needed and offered it up without my asking. Upon reflection, I truly do not think they were regular human beings.
These people (?) only seem to appear out there on the road, and only then when I was about ready to give up hope. Over the years there were many of them. It didn't seem to be my decision when I needed help. I kept appointments I didn't gnow I made, and quite possibly, did not make as an individual. That's why I think the command was given to go out under those conditions.
Later, I began to study the concept of modesty. Especially as promulgated in the Wilhelm/Baynes translation of the Book of Changes. I used and studied this book for over 30 years, and it was my main influence as an adult.
Some British philosopher/poet called Alexander Pope made a statement I read somewhere: Modesty is the art of power. I take that to mean that unless power is dealt with in an artful manner it will destroy you.
Eventually, I began to understand modesty as being humble. Be-co-me-ing humble is wrought by humiliation. On the road, I was constantly humiliated day after day. The Yosemite thing was the most powerful humiliation I ever received... that I remember. Everything I thought I 'knew' was brought to nothingness.
I think I needed to remember the Yosemite incident so that I could come to the point of asking the question I formulated this morning. I have been trying to do that for a long time.
Angelique's mention of the terrible twos in the mental state of exhaustion I was in after rewriting the Yosemite experience brought into focus the point that up until that period of my present life here, everything that is possible for a human was infinite, and from then on was made "not possible" by the process of becoming a social creature with severe limitations for expressing infinite power. This is why I think in the Gospel of Thomas Jesus said that to follow him one had to hate their mother and father. They have to hate having infinite potential devastated by accepting those limitations imposed by one's caregivers.
Jumping off that mountain reminded me that I wasn't bound by what I "thought" was possible by my being civilized. I suspect it worked the same way with Castenada and others.
It sure would have been convenient to have had a guide like Don Juan Matus. Although from what Castenada wrote, everything he learned from Don Juan came at the price of being scared shitless time, after time, after time. Just lak me.
felix
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