To: K-list
Recieved: 2003/02/12 08:46
Subject: Re: [k-list] Charles' query.
From: Mystress Angelique Serpent
On 2003/02/12 08:46, Mystress Angelique Serpent posted thus to the K-list:
At 04:32 PM 11/02/03, Charles wrote:
>I see that you didnt reply directly to my post,
Ah... I started to, but it got rambly and off track, then I got distracted. I may finish and post it, but for now I'll respond to this one.
> but
>seeing as you mentioned it here, would you please
>explain to me what she was up to,
Ok. Imagine yourself as a glass, and her as a thirsty girl with a soda fountain.
First thing she did, was drink you empty. That was where the cold and shivers came from. I get the same thing, when someone is feeding on my body's life energy faster than it gets replaced, and sending me their stuff so that my flow is blocked. Cold, dizzy, tired, ungrounded and generally feeling like an old dishrag. Usually, it is someone who does not want to break the connection, after a session. Does not happen if they tap in on a higher self level, instead.
Next, she started a game of filling you with different flavours and drinking you empty again. Possibly she also cut your grounding cords, so you were not connected to source and more receptive to her filling you. Cut your roots, so to speak... like a cut flower placed into a jar of dye, that changes to the colour of the dye. That may be why it took you longer to get balanced again.
I played a similar, but consensual game with three submissives round a Beltaine fire once... except for the "drinking them dry first, and cutting their grounding part. I did not need their energy, and they were willing receptive. I was eating a melon.. cantaloupe. I do not remember how the game got started, but I would cut a piece of melon, imbue it with a quality of energy, (joy, peace, laughter, lust... fun stuff) and then feed it to them and watch them react as the energy released in their mouth. they knew what I was doing, and we enjoyed the game.
It is not kundalini, it is chi based magic.. tho Goddess probably added some Shakti to the mix.
>why she was doing that
I'm not going to tune in on her to find out, but I can speculate.
Power game, showing off, insecurity... why do vampires do what they do? Hunger for power, energy, control, whatever. Usually people feed on others, because their own connection to source does not feed them adequately. That is the source of most all human conflict. The Celestine Prophecies does a good job of explaining the dynamic.
The power game feeds the power chakra, self esteem. These games exist at the level of the power chakra, so that is why hers hurt when you started reflecting her mischief back at her. Power chakra holds all the games of D/s, hierarchies, life energy, control, victims and heroes. The boundaries of the physical, individuality.
There is a duality, to hierarchies. Humans are herd creatures. It is instinctive, how Goddess bonds one into many, so many can accomplish together what one could not do. Consensual = teamwork. Not consensual = power struggles and discord.
>and what i could / should have done or do about it.
Her read on you was correct. You do tend to give your power away. You have a bit of a sub streak. Hmm. Feels like I need to explain that.
I was interviewed years ago by a woman who was writing a book on personality types. She had found there are two basic personality types, inborn, genetic. I have lost touch with her since, and have never been able to find her book. I tried to do a google search to find her, but all I could find was my own writing about her, a post the 1996 archives!! My perceptions have changed a bit since then, so I'll edit it.
>http://www.kundalini-gateway.org/klist/k1996/96229.htm
> I have a friend who is a behavioral scientist, and her book is due out, so I
>don't talk about her work, much. Her name is Gail McCool, and her book will be
>called "there's an alien in my bed." She has discovered that there are two
>exactly, completely different kinds of humans. She calls them magnetizers and
>conductors, because of the way they use energy.
> They correspond roughly to dom/sub. Magnetizers feel best when they are
>attracting energy to themselves, to do some purpose. Conductors glow when
>they are channelling energy to the needs and purposes of another. Leaders
>and supporters. Chiefs and indians. doers and helpers.
>Together the energies are much more than the sum of thier parts. One ox can pull 1000 pounds, two oxen can pull 5000 pounds. One ox must lead,
>for them to pull in the same direction.
The types were so different, polarized yet compatible. Even different words were interpreted differently by the two types: for example, "challenge" had a positive connotation to one type, and a fatiguing reaction from the other. She could identify what type someone was, by their bone structure.
Magnetizers: fine boned, like faery people. Listen to lyrics more than melody, in music. Tend to be extroverted. Smaller emotional range, more mentally oriented.
Conductors: bigger boned. Listen to music, not lyrics. Tend to be shy. At a party, will prefer to find a corner and watch for a bit, before joining in. Larger emotional range, more emotional.
We imagine nobility to be fine boned and the peasants to be big boned. Labour and management. Contrariwise, sometimes sub personalities make better leaders, because "A leader is in service to the needs of those they lead." Also, people do not always identify with their genetic type. I have known fine boned subs and big boned dominants. No generalizations will hold up against the varieties of human manifestation.
You want love, connection and approval and you willingly open yourself empathically, and give power away to get it. It is natural for you, and often pleasurable. The question to ask yourself, is whether you are being loving to yourself, when you do it? That is where the discernment comes in, and it is easier when you know yourself better.
Keep using the two affirmations I gave you, a few times a day and it will sharpen your power chakra discernment/awareness of when to connect. Right now, it is habitual for you to be wide open, normal for you. With practice, empathy will become more of a conscious choice.
In some places, like your healing work, it can be effective to abandon yourself to the needs of your client, be a conductor for their stuff, *if* it is as Goddess Wills. In other places... well, you know...
The games have to be consensual, on some level... overtly, consciously consensual is best but often the consent is unconscious. Agreements made and forgotten, or belief systems that do not serve, personal tendencies manifesting instinctively.
Recently, one of my favorite healers removed thousands of "contracts" from me, where I had agreed to take on people's stuff and process it. I was not aware of the contracts, but there was something in me that gave them a blank cheque. Fine boned me, karma crap magnet-izer. People want to give me power and responsibility... I do not always want to accept it! :)
What you did, was good instinct. You decided to serve Goddess within yourself, first... follow your instincts, and reflected her stuff back to her.
Part of the reason why she freaked when you went to leave, is that she had been .. kind of, possessing you, occupying your body, and you mirrored, locked her out, and then left with her power stuck in you. Like, kidnapping her soul.
On first reading, I had a thought of you both doing a higher self exchange, handing back the parts of yourselves to the one who they belonged to, shaking hands and going your own way. Like an exchange of hostages. I do that, when getting energies between people untangled. I know you are receptive to me too, so perhaps you heard my thought, or you did it yourself, in that way or another. I wouldn't presume it was me. That would be taking power/responsibility from you.
>I like to learn from my experiences. I trust that my
>instincts served me fairly well on this occassion
>although Im flummoxed as to why someone would behave
>like that.
It is a game. I do not understand why people play football, either. :)
Speculation:
She saw you as snack food, a toy. Basically, I think she is new to her own power, and likes showing off. She was trying to impress you, but also playing with you for her own amusement. Sounds strange, but it is co-dependent. The players need each other, or there is no game.
>She said her mother calls her a witch.
More of a vampire than a witch.
>And she also laughed loudly and patronisingly in my
>face when I suggested that there was nothing that didnt
>come from The Light originally, so there is nothing to
>fear. That really gave me the heebie jeebies.
ah, she fancies herself a Big Bad... heh. But playing those games makes you very vulnerable, as she discovered when you decided you did not want to play anymore and walked off with all her power. She will think twice, before messing with someone again. Good work!
Blessings!
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