To: K-list
Recieved: 2003/02/10 23:06
Subject: Re: [k-list] claustrophobia
From: Charles
On 2003/02/10 23:06, Charles posted thus to the K-list:
> Kundalites tend to be empathic, I spent years being a hermit because
being in a crowd was like having 10 TV sets on in my head, each tuned to a
different station.
i met a girl on the internet a few weeks ago on a dating web site and we had
an instant rapport. we spoke on the telephone a few times and the
conversation was deep, honest and open. She is 20 years old, very engaging
and wise beyond her years. We discussed the possibility of meeting and the
desire to meet in the flesh was certainly there, although we both live in
the same city, she is at university in cambridge.
i have since met another girl who i have started a relationship with and
much to my surprise i feel very close to her in a short space of time. she
is beautiful, sexy, playful and has a childish innocence that brings out the
child in me. my heart has felt much lighter since i met her and i have a
very positive feeling about our relationship. i have not had a romantic
relationship for quite some time and as time has gone on i have felt that i
would only be compatible with someone who was interested in the same things
as me and was walking a similar path. this girl is certainly not. we are not
singing from the same hymn sheet at all however the compatibility is there
without a doubt.
she went away this weekend and i had to go to cambridge to collect my car
from the mechanics. so i called the girl that lives there and asked if she
wanted to meet for a drink as i was going to be in the neighbourhood, she
agreed.
she had sent me an email earlier in the week telling me that she was going
through a very dark time and when i met her that evening i could sense her
heaviness immediately. i was feeling vibrant, calm and positive and remained
that way for the first half an hour of our time together.
our conversation was deep and intense as we discussed meditation, witchcraft
and kundalini.
you know when its really cold, you feel the cold on your skin first and
gradually it makes its way through you until you are chilled to the bone?
well i suddenly had this strange sensation creep up on me whilst we were
talking. i couldnt mistake it for being cold because the shivering started
at my core. i could feel myself shaking around my spinal cord all the way up
to my brain. and the shiver got stronger and stronger until my whole body
was visibly shaking and my skin was freezing. i felt very uncomfortable.
i told her that i didnt know what was going on but that i could not
concentrate. i could also no longer look her in the eye. she grinned, closed
her eyes and seemed to slip into a trance for a few seconds, opened her eyes
again and said "ok how do you feel now?" As she spoke, the shivering stopped
completely and I felt calm and clear and able to look in her eyes once more.
she then proceeded to take me through a range of emotions and feelings, as
if i were totally out of control. she tuned in to an emotion or a feeling
and i was instantly with her feeling the same thing. it was very strange as
i switched from shivering to calm confidence, from laughing about nothing,
to crying in sadness.
we sat there for a couple of hours having this energetic intercourse until i
decided i had had enough. i asked her what was going on and that i was
scared. she said there was nothing to be scared about. she said that she was
demonstrating that i give my energy away too easily because i desire
connection with people. she said that i am sensitive and that she was
playing with it.
my guidance told me to get out of there. during the course of the evening
she had told me a story about a guy she was in love with at college who
proclaimed to be the anti christ. a very good looking and charismatic guy
who no one felt comfortable around. she said that she did not know why she
was so attracted to him but that she couldnt help her desire. she said that
she had dreamt about me only that morning and in her dream i was her
saviour.
i was captivated to some extent by this unusual meeting but at the same time
i no longer wanted to be there. i suddenly realised that i didnt have to
experience this, so i closed my eyes, visualised myself surrounded by
mirrors facing outwards and withdrew my field tightly around me. as i did
this she grabbed her stomach and winced in pain, saying "oww, what are you
doing?". I told her that i was going home and she got really uncomfortable
and agitated. she put up a real battle asking me to stay and then said she
wanted to come back to london with me. she was very persuasive but i was
adamant that i was going home right away and alone. she told me that i was
scared because i feared i would fall in love with her. i stayed distant and
she got more and more wound up. eventually i left.
i felt very relieved to get away but since then i have felt really out of
sorts. ive tried to meditate but i find it really difficult to connect. i
feel angry and have a sense of underlying heaviness and darkness similar to
that i had picked up from her when i met her on friday.
she sent me an email today that said:
>> "i accept your choice - i have also chosen mine
>> i understand your attitude - i also have mine
>> but i would have you remember that there are far more forces at work
>> in our spirits and lives than we can fathom or dare to imagine
>> the will of The God and of the desires of the ancestors will eventually
lead you to
>> the most excellent things for you (selah) - they will lead me too
>> on some very innate level , i am your friend and you are mine"
im feeling confused about who she is and what she wants. i was feeling so
happy, content and relaxed before i visited her. the lightness and care free
attitude of the girl i am currently going out with is what i desire, yet i
feel somehow deeply affected by my meeting with this other girl.
brrrrrrr..... this situation gives me the shivers. i would appreciate some
feedback if you can see what this is all about because i am confused.
> I would be interested to know if those who are having crowd
claustrophobia find relief by these methods.
im now using these tehniques and i will let you know how i get on. thank
you. charles.
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