To: K-list
Recieved: 2003/02/05 01:27
Subject: Re: [k-list] Apathy... And religion
From: Whimsical Zephyr
On 2003/02/05 01:27, Whimsical Zephyr posted thus to the K-list:
>----- Original Message -----
>From: One Man Alone
>To: k-list AT_NOSPAM kundalini-gateway.org
>Sent: Monday, February 03, 2003 10:20 AM
>Subject: [k-list] Apathy... And religion
>
> The point is, it's been so long sense I last put any thought into K, and now I'm bored again. Can anyone think of a way to help me work harder into K besides meditation? I'm feeling very extroverted and have a great sense of apathy, or rather a weak sense of empathy. The only good thing I see from this is I now don't fear death, but I'm actually waiting for it, which brings me to my next topic, religion. (By the way, skip the next part if you're not up for a nearly pointless, long rant.)
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>Hello OMA,
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>I too got bored and fed up with kundalini and enlightenment for about October to January. I think it's because I was so focused on 'getting there' that I wasn't living the everyday life!! So I had to take some time away from the list, stop consciously focusing on spirituality, and chop wood, carry water. For a while I got annoyed with spiritual stuff and just did shit. Got stuff done. But strangely enough, after doing stuff for a while, I noticed I was still practicing some mindfullness, and becoming somewhat more grounded than I normally am. I also realized that I am God/dess. I mean, I was sitting around waiting for the Divine to change my life and make it all better, and yelling when that didn't happen. And then, I just up and made the changes myself. I went back to school, quit my job, told my boyfriend I need an open relationship, etc. And things have been going better, and I'm much happier. Alternately, sometimes I am just too tired to do stuff myself, so I just sleep through it all and let it all pass me by. I need to practise more surrender during those times and let DB do whatever needs to be done, or realize maybe nothing needs to be done. I don't know if it was a dark night period, but I suspect it was, cause I had all this irrational anger, and grief, and hatred that freaked me out. So finally, I decided to stop guilting myself and let it go, and just accept that I was already morally corrupt and crazy, can't change it and TOO BAD!!!!!!!!!!!!:) In other words, stopeed kicking myself for shit. And I still do, 'cause anything I feel is natural and fine, and there's no sense in trying to change it. So I'm glad I took some time out from the conscoius K stuff, 'cause I think the shakti here was frying me out!!! Anyway, maybe you should not try to do anything about the apathy unless it feels good to you. I know, easy to dish out advice but not to follow it!! Good luck
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>Sabrina
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