To: K-list
Recieved: 2003/01/20 05:00
Subject: Re: [k-list] In the dark
From: David Bozzi
On 2003/01/20 05:00, David Bozzi posted thus to the K-list:
Shellelr AT_NOSPAM aol.com wrote:
>Yes, I am definitely chopping and carrying.
>
>I've gone through periods of semi-madness where I prayed for peace, and many times I've asked to not be given more than I can handle, so I can function normally for my family. You'd think I'd be happy to be left alone, but I'm not.
I used to ask some higher invisible force for help, balance, peace, whatnot...
Then it occurred to me that there's no question
whether what's needed for peace is available or not.
No One would keep it from anyone.
When we sense we need help it's an issue of
are we willing to accept what we need which is forever
always readily available.
To realize abundance
is to realize one's own willingness
to receive.
So whenever I need help
I ask myself,
"Do I really want help?"
That's the real issue.
>Something that has really been bothering me is that I couldn't hook into my creativity during these intensely spiritual years.
If they were spiritual years then they must have been creative.
Perhaps just not in accordance with your molded notions of creativity?
>Before, I had forty-five chapters of a novel outlined and a lot of research done, and was writing diligently, and it just fell by the wayside. I was too physically ill and fractured, and writing the novel was just no longer the reason for my existence. Now I'd like to return to it and keep working on it anyway, for the joy of creating, and to finish what I started, and because it's a worthwhile story, very much about spiritual growth. But I feel like I'm just not even the same person anymore, and it's hard to find my way back in.
I lost touch with music. The creative urge got strangled by the pressure
of the attachment to it. I've come to it little by little lately, taking my time with it.
No pressure. Nothing to get out of it. Just easy with it.
> I really struggled and did not write well. So I fell away from it again.
>
>It's like I'm waiting for something to return and I don't know if it will, ever. But I feel a bit closer to being able to be creative again, strangely enough, now, when I'm not feeling very connected to or believing in God/dess. Go figure.
I will tell you that what you are waiting to return to you
is your awareness of who you are. You feel attracted to writing
because it is a reflection of your true self. Your creative aspect.
>I'd like to have both things, simultaneously. I'd like to feel like it's okay to write a novel, and want to write it, and even feel attached to how it turns out, and whether I can get it published. But what will it mean, spiritually, if I get into all that attachment again? Will I lose contact with "God" completely? Will I become miserable?
Take the Middle Way.
Follow your heart.
Just don't nail yourself to it.
The heart is a path to what you wait for.
>So I fear attachment to creativity because a)it hurts and b)I fear it will make me stop living in the moment and feeling a part of all that is, and forget what is really real.
Wow. You know you have really painted this tightly-wedged
perception and experience of reality for yourself to the extent it constricts
the energy flow through you. That's what burns us out.
To (a) I say
creativity never hurts.
Rather it is a reflection of your true nature.
What hurts is the attachment to it.
To (b) I say
I can easily see you
being creative in the moment.
Whether you are chopping wood
or writing,
makes no difference.
Are you willing to see that?
>I think it might be that I might look at writing a novel or screenplays as part of my path, as the wood I must chop and the water I must carry. But will getting all caught up in it again damage my journey towards enlightenment? Give me a few thousand extra lives to have to live to undo the foolishness and damage?
The issue is not writing.
It's your attachment
to being unwilling to receive
everything you need
which is all here right now.
>Rambling. Thanks for listening.
Rambling back,
David
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