To: K-list
Recieved: 2003/01/14 14:46
Subject: Re: [k-list] RE: I shake my head in amazement
From: Mystress Angelique Serpent
On 2003/01/14 14:46, Mystress Angelique Serpent posted thus to the K-list:
At 07:29 AM 10/01/03, Claressa Ellinger wrote:
>My sacrum is in great pain today I am not sure if this is from have a deep massage or from the K energy. Or both. Any suggestions?
Belly dancing! It is great for loosening up the sacrum...
Sacrum tends to be related to foundational issues, feeling safe on the planet and trusting that you will be taken care of. Food, shelter, companionship, basic necessities, and fear of lack abide there.
Also, because you are engaging in Tantric unity with your clients, it is possible that the pain is not really "yours." When you become one with someone, they get some of your Shakti and you get some of their karma.
Empathic healing in this way is *very* powerful, miraculous but it can be kind of hazardous to your health, if you are not mindful to clear yourself after each massage session. The advantage is, as you release their stuff from you, it clears from them too, and any related stuff in you goes with it. It is a rocket ship to spiritual growth... but rocket ships blow up sometimes. Surrender is vital.
> Delighted to be aboard
>Claressa
Delighted to have you aboard!
I feel like there is some resolution to be found, for me, in responding to your questions. Thanks for listening.
On the old list, in the very last post before it was deleted, :) you wrote:
>Greetings Mystress,
>At the risk of exposing my ignorance what is a pro-dom?
I had written: <snip> I really do not care about being slandered, my years as a pro-dom gave me plenty of experience handling the hostility of frustrated men <snip>>>
:) That is not wholly true... I am not bulletproof. Sexuality is sacred to me, and I react to the mis-use of it, like a soul wound. Sexual repression, prejudice, gay bashing, child abuse... it grieves me. Not so much as it used to, I look for perfection instead of getting berserk, but .. it is still, so sad.
you wrote:
>>With great curiosity I have been following the postings of the last little
while. It really made me wonder why an individual would spend so much time
harassing and haranguing a group that he does not want to belong to.
>>Can intense anger be part of the kundalini process?
Certainly, when the issues are triggered.
This troll is notorious, he has been harassing spiritual lists and boards for years, but why do you think his anger is so powerfully directed at me? What is it I reflect in him, that makes him so angry?
His judgments of me make it obvious he is very repressed, and he demonstrated homophobia. Most homophobes are homosexuals in denial. The clinical study of trolls I posted a link to, said that trolls usually suffer from erectile dysfunction. Double frustration. The bulletin board posts said he wrote the testimonials on his site, I thought so too... mine, are genuine and I have more than I would ever have room to post... yet, I am open about my sexual orientation... bisexual dominant sadist. In his mind, sexuality and spirituality cannot co-exist... yet, for so many newly awakened ones, enormous desire is one of the first symptoms of the serpents moving on up.
Of course, he hates me. Intense jealousy, plus he projects his own self loathing onto me... and onto anyone who will not join him in attacking me. I don't hate him... I feel sad for him, but I am not interested in taking on his pain, that he is so attached to keeping. I cannot, I am too sensitive for that.
In a later post on this list, you wrote:
> And the most wonderful thing of all is should the Kundalini be stimulated while you are giving a massage you will find yourself becoming one with your client and knowing exactly where and how to touch. It will be as if the two of your are breathing together. This has happend to me several times. I even had one client have a K - opening on my table. It was wild to say the least.
The old list was deleted before I could respond to your questions about what a Pro-Dom is, Claressa. A different kind of bodywork.;) Whips and bondage, slave-Mistress fetish roleplay. Non-sexual... not prostitution.
I don't usually talk about it on the list, because it is off topic, but it is no secret that I used to be a professional dominatrix. (Pro-Dom) I am open about it, though I have been completely retired for several years. Kundalini transmuted 98% of my sex drive years ago, but I am still an activist for sexual freedom, when called upon to act... not often. Just don't feel any need to be a crusader anymore... I'm more focused on offering healing, to those who ask for it, receptive people.
My activism is simply, being open about myself.
The philosophical essays on my website about the relationship between fetish, spirituality and nature give a lot of healing to people who are trying to learn to accept their sexual orientation despite cultural prejudices.
I get really heartwarming feedback... like this post someone sent:
> I don't know, I have found your site and you to be the closest wonderful elements that describe myself as a dominant type. I have browsed, studied, checked sites, books etc, but you are the most like me, it is amazing, I even have let tears comedown my cheeks with inmense pleasure. That is all, I am amazed, all your site is like my heart open to myself. thank you.
She saw herself reflected in me, and fell in love... with herself. : ) One message like that, is a blessing on my choice to be open, heals the wounds of being target practice for the trolls of the world. :) The message is the medium is the message. I am the medium and the message. I am.
Even though my own sex drive is mostly vanished, I agree with Wilhelm Reich that cultural sexual repression is the root of a lot of social problems and mental illness.
I might have had some interest in debating the troll, if he had shown any originality... but he simply invoked the same tired old cultural preconceptions and prejudices I have heard so many times before, and insisted on beating everyone over the head with them. He is kind of a poster boy for that type of psychosis.
I have learned there is no point in attempting discussion with those whose mind is already made up. My existence blows all his spiritual-sexual prejudices to shreds, and he cannot handle that.
In fact, one advantage of the Domina image, aside from the message to love yourself... is that it is a sort of filter... people who would dismiss what spiritual gifts I have to offer, because of my sexual orientation, are not people I would want to work with. People whom I am meant to work with, feel the truth of my energy and don't even notice the image, or shrug at it... no issues.
So... the slander is not a big issue, the people who would believe it are the people I prefer to avoid, anyhow... but the prejudices behind it are a cultural wound, that grieves me. Patriarchal attitudes that seek to repress the sacredness of sexuality, make it something sinful and foul... very sad, because touch is so important.
Going farther back, to when I was in hairstyling school... age 18! So many of the old ladies who came in for their weekly wash and roller set, were tremendously touch-starved. They would fuss and complain till every curl was just so, to try to prolong the experience. So hungry for the simple attention of having another human being touching them, combing their hair. Basic, like how monkeys groom each other as a social activity... monkey love. Primal need.
Two hugs a day, for good mental health...
I did a telephone healing session recently with someone who was so touch starved, going all the way back to her childhood, that she could barely feel her body, or stay anchored in it. Blocking/escaping the pain that had been with her so long she was numb. I gave her a "prescription" of getting a massage every two weeks. I hope, she finds an empathic masseuse like you, to release the tension with loving touch.
I was a very popular and successful Pro-dom, because I used my intuitive talents and empathy to read my clients minds, and invoke the Tantric unity to make their fantasies come true, with discernment... not going beyond their limits. Like you say, become one with them and know exactly what they needed for the catharisis they sought. To them I appeared to be leading, but I was actually following, one step ahead from a silent mind. Like a dance. Empathic healing. The unique "I love you for who you are" that they needed to hear, to heal...
Some people do not understand how a submissive can take such pride, in bruises... it is evidence, that they have been touched. Their love language.
I retired in 1996, when I realized my clients were becoming awakened in the sessions, through the tantric unity and their surrender and receptivity. That did not seem consensual. Big crisis of faith and confidence, actually. They were not prepared. I went back to work briefly after resolving those issues, in 1998, specializing in Shaktipat via BDSM tantra, but I quickly tired of declining clients who had never heard of tantra or Kundalini. I am still known as probably the foremost authority on BDSM tantra, in North America... but it is not a topic I discuss on K-list. I have another list for that, that I rarely have time to maintain.
I have no regrets... my time as a Pro-Dom gave me an understanding of human nature that money cannot buy, and helped me to grow in so many ways. It taught me all about those sticky power chakra games people play, and about the power of gratitude to turn pain to bliss. About the power of surrender, and the strength in vulnerability.
I have no regrets about retiring, either... it was a rewarding growing phase, that served its purpose and then passed.
Karma follows responsibility, to "where the buck stops", so wise empathic healers are humble, and pass the buck to Goddess so that stuff they take on does not stick. Good healers will always give credit to a higher power. Keeps ego out of it, and keeps the karma they take on, from sticking.
I still need my clients to do as I ask, but what I ask, is the same dance of following them, one step ahead. :) but without the SM. When two become one, who is in charge? Goddess...
Wow, 6:30 am... it has been a long time since I stayed up all night, writing. Guess I needed to express myself. Thanks for listening.
Perhaps someone will find my sharing to be of some value to them... and if not... at the current subscription rate, the list will have over 100 members by the end of the day. 93, last time I checked.
Many voices and thoughts to be shared. : ) The rebirth of this pheonix is truly beautiful to watch, even if it is a lot of work to rebuild the burnt nest! : ) Thanks, to you all.
Blessed be...
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