To: K-list
Recieved: 2002/12/04 22:42
Subject: RE: [K-list] navigating duality and mutuality / My own Heart Saga...
From: Rich
On 2002/12/04 22:42, Rich posted thus to the K-list:
Dear Rita,
> I hope neither of you would be offended were I to reflect on your
> recent posts. Although we have never met, I am just reading my
> impressions of the energy of everyone through these words... But
> somehow your words have resonance.
I have enjoyed your words. Thank you for posting.
> One does have a sense of this... Goddess knows best, although we
> don't always have a clue what goddess knows or is doing at any
> moment, do we?
I think so. Goddess never dissapoints me!
> Are those the only choices, one wonders? The energy here seems to
> have much of the Divine about it, coming from both sides, as well as
> the earthiness, perhaps more than either of you realize?
Yeah.. It's pulled a part of her out of her earthly mind set. And it's
helped me to let go of some deep-seated stuff. I've avoided spiritual
discussion unless fell guided to talk about such things. I realise my
energy has brought up stuff in her own past and some thing she has acted
on in a needy kind of way, other things she has let go of and other
things she has projected on to me. This was not my intention, although I
thought it might happen like this and warned her a long time ago that
she would probably end up hating me or if she could let go of stuff we
would have a very harmonious relationship.
> Is your
> sweetheart perhaps Mary Magdalene to your Jesus Christ? Jesus was in
> a way in the world, but not exactly of the world, yet from what I
> understand he also led a life that was both Divine and yet based in
> the heart as far as some were concerned. He was Jesus Christ, in all
> which that entails, yet he loved a woman and she him... And it wasn't
> easy for her, either, if Andrew Lloyd Webber and Tim Rice are
> correct, as she sings:
>
> "I don't know how to love him
> What to do, how to move him
> I've been changed, yes really changed ..."
>
> She loves him for his *spirit* that she sees everywhere she
> encounters it, and for the *Divine* in him that is so striking, and
> for that in him which is *human,* and the intelligence, too. Her own
> spirit, that which is Divine in her, and that which is human in her,
> and her own intelligence resonate with his maybe? Is she like Mary
> Magdalene a woman with a certain past, one therefore in a position to
> sense the spiritual on a higher level because of it? Even though
> others might not credit her with this depth? {Note: Although this
> view may be heretical to some, and I mean no offense to anyone.]
Right now I'm not so much in love with her, but do love and appreciate
her for her uniqeness and wonder. I could guess she loves me probably
because of my deep understanding of her as well as other things... Her
jealousy and insecurity is probably as strong as her love - she is
afraid to loose me and afraid if I spend time with other girls. So I get
a push-pull scenario which is most unpleasant. I'm not into talking
much... In intimate relationships why the need to say anything. Just
feel. But that's not enough for her even though she says she can feel
me. I guess fear precedes over love.
> > I've learnt a lot in the process
> > but it's brought me down to ball and chain levels. In fact, as I
> refer
> > to something in a book, when the energy is so high and not used
> > correctly it can cause a lot of destruction and negative karma.
>
> This is true... And what is the nature of the energy? Is there a
> different way to look at it? Because of the way you pose this
> question, I gather she has had a somewhat unusual path, herself, and
> perhaps she has energy that is perhaps hidden from most, or that
> is 'different' than most, and maybe a little ungainly, almost
> coltish?
Well, I think everyone has an unusual path to get here... It's the
things which make us unique. When I feel her heart it is intense, like
burning hot and pervasive. I've never felt this before in another and
only very occasionally in recent months in myself. I experienced this
first hand when her heart came to visit me.
> But on some level, is there a sort of yab-yum union - not
> just the erotic (and incorrect) connotation, but on top of that an
> actual possibility for the union of wisdom and compassion?
I think so actually... But maybe a lot of relationships are like that,
based on harmonics perhaps most people do not experience a higher union
so much. I don't really know though.
> You are
> Shiva, pure consciousness, but I remember learning that Shiva is void
> without Shakti... Shakti is the seed. Does she have that seed
> quality? Can she learn or be taught to better master her energy?
I don't think she is ready for this, but I might be wrong. Actually if
she could master her heart energy I am certain she could melt away
karma.
> To
> share with you her youthful, albeit awkward, energy in a healing way?
> (I have a sense that she is a healer in her own right on some
> levels...) Can she try to change that which needs improving?
She lacks confidence in her strength. She doesn't believe it's possible.
She's committed herself to certain vices. The ball and chain I feel now.
These may change as other layers free up. Part of my difficulty is that
I have let my world join with hers.
> Divine
> union of Shiva and Shakti in the Heart - that does not seem like a
> recipe for bad karma... it sounds like a true force of creation...
> one that has much power for the good of many in the world... One
> imagines she would be willing to grow more and better focus...
At one level she does want this but other parts of her are holding her
back...
I realise what I'm saying here are basic things which are true for many
people and not just her...
> And of
> course each of us has our own union of Shiva and Shakti within each
> of our own hearts by ourselves, but there is something powerful about
> the connection of two with that resonance if it is possible.... But
> again, I'm just picking up on the vibes, and my own "experimenter
> bias" filter may be coloring things green that should be sky blue.
I think you are right.. If the two are moving in the same direction then
great. One of the first things she said to me was she wants to be
emptiness which really suprised me. This was before I even opened to her
about my own spirtiual side.
> But one imagines that she would feel sadness knowing of your distress
> and concerns, too.
I think so... From her heart this would be true. From her power chakra
maybe not.
> > The dis-harmony in the situation for me has bent me out of shape
>
> That would sadden her no end...to be the source of that for you. Of
> that I am certain.
There is a lot I would not tell her because I don't need to and doing so
would not benefit her.
> > and
> > I've lost the relativeness of boundaries between us. It's concened
> me in
> > some ways as she has shown insight and awareness which surpassed
> what I
> > recognised in her before. I've also noticed her chakra points on her
> > palms and soles of the feet have opened to a degree. Previously she
> > always had cold hands. At the same time my own points in these
> places
> > have gone colder and I feel more closed in my intuitiveness.
>
> I see. Please understand that I am just reading her from a distance
> here... Perhaps the chakra points on her palms and soles are now
> opening as she lets go of fear, while yours are closing from a
> different fear(s)? That would be understandable. I sense the
> restricted intuitiveness on your part as a temporary thing...Your
> power seems quite strong... And what I sense from her (mind you, I'm
> just reading her from a distance in these words)... what I sense is
> that she has over the past couple of months let go of an incredible
> piece of history, an incredible fear for her physical safety... I see
> this clear as day in her energy... And I think it natural that now
> that this veil of fear has been lifted, she is able to be receptive
> in ways that were not possible before for her... I see this huge
> healing that happened for her within the past 6 weeks or so, actually.
> Strange, but you spoke of her cold hands and feet - I am picking up
> on a metabolic problem - thyroid? - that affects coldness... And
> surgery that has caused one hand to be always cold... Odd...
Well actually with the chakra points, I think a part of me had swapped
with her or we had swapped over. This is not the first time this has
happened for me and I've had to bring myself back or hurt her feeling to
get her to let go of me. The history you mention may have been when I
released something for her which was putting a significant barrier
between us. She was afraid to move forward in the relationship for fear
of being hurt again. Previously she had been in an 8 year relationship
and she had committed herself to a future with that person in a profound
way.
> > These
> > points relate to sharing in the world. Too open and we share too
> much,
> > too closed and we are holding back from sharing.
>
> Yes. A question. Is part of what you feel a fear of hurting her in
> some way? I suspect that she is a big girl but not necessarily
> vulnerable in all the places where you think she might be. What I am
> picking up from her now is a tenacity that is born of strength and
> resilience, actually, in her... And in you, I see deep compassion and
> concern for her wellbeing... it is touching.
Yes, you are right about what you feel. The compassion is one element of
a mixed bag of feelings I think.> One suspects that she understands about as much, or as little as you,
> but that ego has not been an issue for her, necessarily (or she
> wouldn't be still around, would she)? This is a time for both of you
> for moving with the flow of the stream as it gently moves around the
> rocks that are there. Learning the way of the stream, not fighting
> the stream... Floating peaceably, staring up into that starry starry
> night, lapis blue, diamond white stars glimmering and glittering
> there... But I digress.
Thank you! I guess... I try to have no expectation, no desire and let
nature take its course.
> Thank you for your sharing so openly here. Speaking for myself, i
> find it incredibly helpful to watch and listen as others here on this
> list share their experiences so intimately. There are times when I
> have encountered similar events and the compassion and wisdom of the
> people on this list continue to impress me more with each passing day.
Thank you for replying at such length :) I've enjoyed your viewpoints on
this situation.
With love,
Rich
http://www.kundalini-gateway.org
http://www.domin8rex.com/serpent/spirit/kindex.htm
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