To: K-list
Recieved: 2002/12/03 14:19
Subject: Re: [K-list] navigating duality and mutuality / My own Heart Saga...
From: r1ta_metermaid
On 2002/12/03 14:19, r1ta_metermaid posted thus to the K-list:
Dear Rich, Dear Laua -
I hope neither of you would be offended were I to reflect on your
recent posts. Although we have never met, I am just reading my
impressions of the energy of everyone through these words... But
somehow your words have resonance.
-- In Kundalini-GatewayATnospamy..., "Rich" <rich4444ATnospamh...> wrote:
> Dear Laura,
>
> I wish to start by saying what an intelligent post this is. You show
> insight and clarity in your situation and have considered the
obvious
> outcomes as well as surrendering different aspects of your
situation yet
> can't seem to find the right direction to move forward in or get
past
> the stuck-ness in your situation.
>
> I haven't read the other replies to your post yet but will do. I
felt
> compelled to respond as your situation resembles aspects of my own
> situation right now with a certain 'sweet-heart'. I have had many
> chellenges in my current relationship and even though having
surrendered
> it all, goddess brought her back. It's pushed my boundaries out in
terms
> of surrender and has weighed down on my for sometime.
>
One does have a sense of this... Goddess knows best, although we
don't always have a clue what goddess knows or is doing at any
moment, do we?
> At one level I realise it is a cross-point of choosing divinity or
> wallowing in an earthly relationship.
Are those the only choices, one wonders? The energy here seems to
have much of the Divine about it, coming from both sides, as well as
the earthiness, perhaps more than either of you realize? Is your
sweetheart perhaps Mary Magdalene to your Jesus Christ? Jesus was in
a way in the world, but not exactly of the world, yet from what I
understand he also led a life that was both Divine and yet based in
the heart as far as some were concerned. He was Jesus Christ, in all
which that entails, yet he loved a woman and she him... And it wasn't
easy for her, either, if Andrew Lloyd Webber and Tim Rice are
correct, as she sings:
"I don't know how to love him
What to do, how to move him
I've been changed, yes really changed ..."
She loves him for his *spirit* that she sees everywhere she
encounters it, and for the *Divine* in him that is so striking, and
for that in him which is *human,* and the intelligence, too. Her own
spirit, that which is Divine in her, and that which is human in her,
and her own intelligence resonate with his maybe? Is she like Mary
Magdalene a woman with a certain past, one therefore in a position to
sense the spiritual on a higher level because of it? Even though
others might not credit her with this depth? {Note: Although this
view may be heretical to some, and I mean no offense to anyone.]
> I've learnt a lot in the process
> but it's brought me down to ball and chain levels. In fact, as I
refer
> to something in a book, when the energy is so high and not used
> correctly it can cause a lot of destruction and negative karma.
This is true... And what is the nature of the energy? Is there a
different way to look at it? Because of the way you pose this
question, I gather she has had a somewhat unusual path, herself, and
perhaps she has energy that is perhaps hidden from most, or that
is 'different' than most, and maybe a little ungainly, almost
coltish? But on some level, is there a sort of yab-yum union - not
just the erotic (and incorrect) connotation, but on top of that an
actual possibility for the union of wisdom and compassion? You are
Shiva, pure consciousness, but I remember learning that Shiva is void
without Shakti... Shakti is the seed. Does she have that seed
quality? Can she learn or be taught to better master her energy? To
share with you her youthful, albeit awkward, energy in a healing way?
(I have a sense that she is a healer in her own right on some
levels...) Can she try to change that which needs improving? Divine
union of Shiva and Shakti in the Heart - that does not seem like a
recipe for bad karma... it sounds like a true force of creation...
one that has much power for the good of many in the world... One
imagines she would be willing to grow more and better focus... And of
course each of us has our own union of Shiva and Shakti within each
of our own hearts by ourselves, but there is something powerful about
the connection of two with that resonance if it is possible.... But
again, I'm just picking up on the vibes, and my own "experimenter
bias" filter may be coloring things green that should be sky blue.
But one imagines that she would feel sadness knowing of your distress
and concerns, too.
>
> The dis-harmony in the situation for me has bent me out of shape
That would sadden her no end...to be the source of that for you. Of
that I am certain.
> and
> I've lost the relativeness of boundaries between us. It's concened
me in
> some ways as she has shown insight and awareness which surpassed
what I
> recognised in her before. I've also noticed her chakra points on her
> palms and soles of the feet have opened to a degree. Previously she
> always had cold hands. At the same time my own points in these
places
> have gone colder and I feel more closed in my intuitiveness.
I see. Please understand that I am just reading her from a distance
here... Perhaps the chakra points on her palms and soles are now
opening as she lets go of fear, while yours are closing from a
different fear(s)? That would be understandable. I sense the
restricted intuitiveness on your part as a temporary thing...Your
power seems quite strong... And what I sense from her (mind you, I'm
just reading her from a distance in these words)... what I sense is
that she has over the past couple of months let go of an incredible
piece of history, an incredible fear for her physical safety... I see
this clear as day in her energy... And I think it natural that now
that this veil of fear has been lifted, she is able to be receptive
in ways that were not possible before for her... I see this huge
healing that happened for her within the past 6 weeks or so, actually.
Strange, but you spoke of her cold hands and feet - I am picking up
on a metabolic problem - thyroid? - that affects coldness... And
surgery that has caused one hand to be always cold... Odd...
> These
> points relate to sharing in the world. Too open and we share too
much,
> too closed and we are holding back from sharing.
Yes. A question. Is part of what you feel a fear of hurting her in
some way? I suspect that she is a big girl but not necessarily
vulnerable in all the places where you think she might be. What I am
picking up from her now is a tenacity that is born of strength and
resilience, actually, in her... And in you, I see deep compassion and
concern for her wellbeing... it is touching.
> The synchronicity still continues
Synchronicity happens for reasons Goddess knows... mmmmmm
>
>, and even when I might mention
> something about her to a friend or give her up again she is calling
me
> in that time to get back. She has got good at pulling me into her
world
> as much as I try to stay detached. It's a challenge... I do see
there
> being an end to this. Something will give.. She will get past her
> control guises eventually and get in her own centre and live from
her
> heart or the distance between us will become so great there will be
> nothing there to sustain a relationship and it will just peter out.
>
> The challenge is a good one. I had a very wild experience of
surrender
> the other night. When surrendering something fully, then even the
memory
> of what that thing was can go. Like it's hard to recall what was
just
> surrendered... It doesn't always go like this but blimey when it
does,
> there's such a freshness it's remarkable to me.
Sounds like a healthy surrenderng, and you are right about the
freshness being remarkable.
>
> Okay, I'll stop ranting..
>
> The other possibility is to sack the whole thing off, and get right
back
> in myself and resist all temptations... Even if goddess brings it
> back... But this wouldn't be right either.
Yes. That is not the way to go... No one has the answers, besides
goddess, and she plays her cards close to the vest when we need her
to do so.
>
> The final lesson is unclear...I know ego has taken precedent at
times
> and this was a mistake but there is more behind this than I
understand
> right now. It will become clear in time, that's all I know...
>
One suspects that she understands about as much, or as little as you,
but that ego has not been an issue for her, necessarily (or she
wouldn't be still around, would she)? This is a time for both of you
for moving with the flow of the stream as it gently moves around the
rocks that are there. Learning the way of the stream, not fighting
the stream... Floating peaceably, staring up into that starry starry
night, lapis blue, diamond white stars glimmering and glittering
there... But I digress.> Ohhh. I could go on...
>
> Thanks for the post Laura and hope you get the wisdom you are
looking
> for!
>
> Rich
>
--- In Kundalini-GatewayATnospamy..., "Rich" <rich4444ATnospamh...> wrote:
>
> > Ohhh. I could go on...
Mmmmmm. We're waiting...
>
>
> I will go on... She just called again as I wrote that last post... I
> joked with her a bit and put the phone down on her as was more
> interested in writing that post.
>
> Now I have a sharp pain in my power chakra! LOL... What to do :)
>
> It's all so complicated! Best go and meditate me thinks.
>
> I realise this is not such a public thing but I could not help but
share
> the humour of the situation.
>
>
> Rich (being a bit naughty)
Rich - let me say in closing, we're rooting for you and for her...
And about having put down the phone on her... Well, pick it back up
again sometime. I am sure it would please her, especially if you are
going to be naughty!
Thank you for your sharing so openly here. Speaking for myself, i
find it incredibly helpful to watch and listen as others here on this
list share their experiences so intimately. There are times when I
have encountered similar events and the compassion and wisdom of the
people on this list continue to impress me more with each passing day.
Namaste,
rita
PS - My apologies all for making this so long... The energy being
picked up was strong.
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