To: K-list
Recieved: 2002/11/14 12:47
Subject: Re: [K-list] RE: soul retrieval: Lavina
From: Mystress Angelique Serpent
On 2002/11/14 12:47, Mystress Angelique Serpent posted thus to the K-list:
At 01:41 AM 14/11/02, lavinaleone wrote:
>This is nothing like that. I went looking for it much as you said to,
>only I wasn't looking anymore for my soul, but for what I am feeling
>in my throat and chest. What I found is no beauty. This thing is
>about a foot tall looks like a malnurished troll, gray with short
>curley hair matted to his body. He has long ape like toes that
>he has wrapped around my lower ribs. His fists are in a death
>grip with my collarbone and his teeth are embedded in the flappy
>thing at the back of my throat. He intends to go screaming and
>fighting, if he goes at all.
It never occurred to me to look for something like that... not mine to
do. Despite what I wrote about being able to diagnose someone's breakfast
from the energy sample of their email, I have not been scrying your
energy. I have been responding to the words rather than connecting
empathically...that is why my responses sound speculative rather than
certain. Respecting your boundaries. I know you do not need me to fix
anything. You are wise and powerful.
>When I asked him to leave he got rude. When I told him to leave he
>blew himself up like a balloon and cut off my air supply leaving
>barely enough room in my chest for my heart to beat. He called me an
>ungrateful B*tch. And asked me where I expected him to go. I left him
>there for the time being. Maybe he will cool off.
>If this is my soul, I am in deep trouble.
I know this is not fun... but it is funny! LOL!!! Your description is
comedic, reminds me of something out of a warped bugs bunny cartoon. Sorry
for giggling... It is not your soul. Sounds like a bent faierie, and that
you made some forgotten agreement is quite possible. Bent faieries go into
the light... for rehabilitation. Goddess finds them some new work to do,
after.
I remember once, rehabilitating a huge crowd of bent faeries by opening
my heart to them so they could see their true selves reflected in that
light... The process gave me the giggles in a very intense way, literally
ROTFL!! for about an hour. Faeries make me giggle.
How I came to be doing that, is a whole other story... :) It is in the
archives somewhere, I'll dig up the url for the post if anyone is interested.
>IThere is a lovely thought. Messier huh? Maybe this is a job for
>the caped BD : )
Yup. I could give you a hand if you like, but you do not need me. If
you want me to, email me off-list and I'll give you my phone number.
>I don't know if this is a very smart thing to do, but I can't see
>the harm either. I think I will take this up with my DB and see if
>She can get to the bottom of it.
Good plan. She knows what really happened. Guardian angels handle this
sort of thing too.
>I read that when some part of ourselves feels unloved that it will
>act up.
Yup. Every case of demonic possession I have encountered, the critter
was a personality splinter acting out because it had been rejected and
imprisoned in a hell where there as no love. This does not sound like a
demon tho, ... sounds like a messed up faerie or a thought form creation.
I have also encountered beings... childhood closet monsters that were
symbolic of the abuser. Children must love their parents, it is a survival
necessity, so sometimes the parent becomes splintered in the child's mind.
Mother and monster. I don't think that is so, in your case but it feels
like somebody wants the information.
> And loving that part can straiten it out. This thing does not
>look or feel anything like what I would want my soul to be. If it is
>then it is going to take some doing to love it.
It is not your soul.
>I am not sure what to think right now.
>I had this idea of what my DB would be like too and She turned
>out to be nothing at all like I thought He would be.
Lavina... that is the big clue. In my experience, when the DB shows up
the same gender as the body... it means there is a previous, child ego
buried in the unconscious somewhere. Finding that fragment and sorting it
out, healing and re-integrating it is *another kind* of healing, that is
*also* referred to as a "soul retrieval." Remember, I wrote that there are
many kinds of soul retrieval?
Thing is, that fragment would be female, and when it gets re-integrated
your DB switches genders to become the opposite ... So, it may be that the
original child ego Lavina made a deal with this critter, to arrange her
escape.
Here is the FST essay lesson about it... a hard lesson to write,
because this idea makes some people freak, whether it is true for them or
not. I expressed it as gently as I could.
FST lesson# 26 <www.fire-serpent.com>
Essay: Reverse-Gendered People:
In about 10% of the population, the Divine Beloved shows up as the *same*
gender as the body. Especially in abuse survivors. Sometimes the child's
ego "dives" into the unconscious for emotional safety, and a part of the
unconscious comes forth to be the new ego and "do life". The genders switch
places. Sometimes the unconscious protects the band-aid ego by not letting
it know it has switched genders, until you go looking and find a same-sex
Divine Beloved.
Don't let this worry you, if it happens. Just trust your Beloved. The past
is the past. Somewhere within you is that lost child fragment, and the
Beloved is caring for it, and will introduce it to you, to be healed and
integrated, when the time is right. In Shamanic terms, this kind of
personality splinter recovery is referred to as "soul retrieval".
Often one indication of this is that you have a gap in your memories of
your childhood. A blank spot, of years not remembered. The memories are
hidden in the unconscious, property of the child ego.
I find that this gender-reversal is not necessarily connected to sexual
orientation. Sexual orientation is defined in the womb, or at an early age
where there hardly is any ego, to speak of. This kind of ego-gender
reversal tends to happen at a later age, altho sexual confusion may
sometimes play a part in the causative trauma.>>>
Hmm... just realizing this is why Lisa Ayers freaked at me and left...
she asked about this and I did not respond to her post.
I remember, the very beautiful Shamanic death dream you posted a few
months back, of surrendering, falling from the tree and being devoured. It
was classic. So beautiful I had no words...
Peeling the onion... when that ego died, the repressed child ego coming
forth, was inevitable... and her pet guardian troll monkey. Trolls guard
bridges...
>Thank you for the gift Angelique. I have not actually played with it
>yet, but the wrapping has been ... unique.
It sure is! :) You are welcome. I'm looking forward to reading about
how it goes.
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