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To: K-list
Recieved: 2002/11/12 09:07
Subject: [K-list] emotions
From: José H

On 2002/11/12 09:07, José H posted thus to the K-list:

Thinking some more on emotions, it made me go back to the last 10 years or so. I once suggested to my psychology teacher that I had had a real symbiotic relationship with my mother. He told me it couldn't be, symbiosis is for babies with their mothers, I must have been very dependant on her.
Years later and lots of inner work, I realized that I had been right. A very big part of me had not grown up at all, I felt like a 1 year old baby inside when I started on this path. I remember that when my mother died, I could not perceive her as a separate person that I loved very much, that had just died. I literally felt as if half of me had died. I had only developed a couple of immature defense mechanisms, no mature ego. I could talk however like a very grown up person with a very mature vocabulary when I was 9.

I got a second chance, a rebirth, and finally started growing up emotionally.

This all happened after K-awakening. Can you imagine, being a baby emotionally, experiencing K-awakening. No mature ego to transcend - no ego or mature self either to be able to integrate what was happening.

I am not sure what I am trying to say here - maybe somebody can help me out. I keep wondering whether this emotional underdevelopment we are suffering in the western world (usually not as extreme as in my case luckily) has anything to do with the problems many people are experiencing when K awakes. Or is it maybe the other way around: K awakes to get you into this proces and heal - and grow up? Or both? Forgive me my ignorance, I would be happy if somebody could shed some light on this.

Jose

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