To: K-list
Recieved: 2002/10/30 05:23
Subject: Re: [K-list] Passive-Aggressive
From: Mystress Angelique Serpent
On 2002/10/30 05:23, Mystress Angelique Serpent posted thus to the K-list:
At 09:55 PM 29/10/02, HSV & AAL wrote:
>Well... now you finally got me pissed off.
heh. :)
> *laugh* But that's a GOOD thing. Everybody has their different ways
>of doing things, saying things, and apparently I somehow
>misread your post in response to mine. I read... not so
>much anger as disrespect, snottiness, arrogance, and some
>seeming defensiveness.
Your reflection... :)
Well, I am arrogant.. heh. I can be. False humility and hiding my light
under a bucket does not serve me. Defensiveness? There is nothing to
defend, nothing to protect. Ya know?
Ya don't know, or you would not be spending so much time defending and
protecting...:)
> I could go look at it again and find
>sections that I felt were disrespectful to me and post
>them, but that wouldn't prove anything since it could be
>seen in a thousand different viewpoints, would be malicious,
>and would not SERVE any true and helpful purpose.
It would serve you, to re-read it, study it and examine your
reactions. Know thyself.
>But I would ask that you cut me some slack... well, if I
>need it, I suppose.
Ask and it shall be given... but, I do not think you need it.
> It's very hard to take a look at ones
>self, and I haven't traveled that road for a number of
>years now. I only know how to be as honest as I know how.
OK! :)
>I certainly can't leap .. well.. anything. *chuckle* But
>I'll be flat-out honest with you about one thing. This
>whole K/energy/enlightenment/knowledge thing reminds me a
>whole hell of a lot of Writing and Analyzing in English
>101 in college. I never was any good at it, but those who
>were have told me one basic thing. All you have to do is
>know how to support your viewpoint... basically, if you
>can bullshit really well, you've got it made.
Heh, yeah... it can be... but you cannot bullshit Goddess.
Ego can always find or invent a reason to justify any act, opinion or
position but the heart does not lie. The heart and the power chakra
together, makes a built in lie detector. The heart opens to truth, and
closes to lies. The power chakra warms to dharma, and
contracts/shrinks/tightens to karma... lies, invasions of boundaries,
aggression.
Everybody has this, built in... body mind navigation system. Sometimes
the chakras need some clearing before it can be felt clearly, and being
grounded is essential. Groundedness and drama cannot coexist. Drama is
fear, and fear disrupts grounding, so choosing drama is abandoning spirit.
Grounding is opening to the voice of Goddess. Drama is listening to the
voices of fear. Whom do you serve?
>Now, please don't take that to mean that I believe all of
>this is bullshit. I feel quite the opposite.
Cool.
> HOWEVER, I
>do feel like there are a lot of sayings and snips of
>wisdom that seem to be, sometimes, in opposition of each
>other.
yes. This is perfection. Two apparently contradictory truths, can be
both equally true, depending on the individual and the chakra universe they
speak from. At the level of the highest chakra, everything and nothing is
true. All contradictions unify into One Truth and it is I AM.
Like, "know nothing, be everything. Be nothing, know everything."
If you can accept contradictions as being both, equally true then they
collapse into each other and you are left with what the Buddha called the
middle path. Zen. It is a habit for me, to always look for the opposite of
any "truth", and see if its opposite is also true. It breaks attachments.
Recently, I forwarded a post from someone who received Tummo
initiation, and sometime afterwards went into a higher vibration state of
realization, seeing and knowing that nothing is true. All the stuff people
attach to and get passionate about... none of it is true, none of it is
real... except, to the people who choose to believe it. Believe it, it
becomes true for you. So, beliefs create reality.
In my work, I do not judge what people choose to believe, only whether
those beliefs are effective in manifesting a blissful and fulfilling
reality for them. Change the world, by changing inside of yourself. Change
your beliefs, your world changes too.
> And it seems way too easy to use these things for
>being the "wisest" one in any situation.
A one-upmanship game... ego. Can be fun to play, if you are into
debating and rhetoric... but is just that, a game.
I asked to train with the best healer I know, and she declined because
she said we have different talents. She defined mine as "negotiator",
because I have the talent for bringing together opposing views. She said it
was a greater talent than her own, but I think she was being generous. :)
You showed an attachment to a position: "I am a gentle person who gets
victimized." I gave you the polarity: You are a passive aggressive abusive
person who uses victimhood as a weapon. I had no attachment or expectations
about how you would respond... willing to go 9 rounds, if that was what you
wanted to play... but I am pleased with this result. Proud of you, if that
is not patronizing. :)
You found humility, and humility leads to Grace. :)
>*takes a deep breath and wipes true tears from her eyes as
>she opens the window and sees the Goddess looking over her
>shoulder*
:) Always... humulity, grace.
>In other words, one person can give a heart-felt message
>about something important, and say something like "I know
>that I walk this path..." and someone will invariably come
>back with "There is no path.". Yet, in the next thread
>down, someone else equally as wise and experienced will
>refer to this "path" that we're on and to respect all
>"paths". Did you know what the person meant?
Yes.
At the level of the heart and the higher chakras, time and space
collapses into nothingness... and without the dimensions of time and space,
there is no path. Nowhere to go. Only here and now. The past is a memory,
the future is a dream. There is only here and now.
Move down a few chakras, and you come back into the experience of
linearity, the physical world and time. On the level of those dimensions,
we have travel from point a to b, and moving through time. There are paths.
People walk them. Past, present and future defines a line, a road
travelled. Growth, evolution, the journey from birth to death. That is a
path we are all on...
Here on the list, we are doing the kundalini path... and while each
person's experience of the journey is unique, there are markers and
milestones that we all experience in our own way.
Yet... What I see is myself reflected. I see Goddess in everyone, and I
do not know someone is not enlightened till they speak of where they think
Goddess is not... or, unless they demonstrate it by asking me to help with
their karma. Then I move out of nonduality, where they can be no karma
(Goddess does not judge, everything is Divine Will in action ) descend into
duality where there are patterns of stuck energy in the body that can be
identified and released. On that level, enlightenment can be measured by
chakras opened and the clarity of the energy body.
One perception is not more true than the other, it is simply relative.
You are infinite spirit, and you have a body that experiences linearity and
limitation. You have an ego that experiences fear and separation... you
think that is who you are, but truly Thou art Goddess.
"All roads lead to Rome." Goddess is All that Is, and so there is
really nowhere else to go but Goddess, no matter what path or route you
take... You will find Her in life or in death, and it really does not
matter either way... just a matter or personal preference. So, respect all
paths. They are all Goddess, having experiences of separation and
limitation because those are vital to experiencing love.
> Is there
>reason to pick on tiny things in view of the larger more
>important things? I say this because I truly have a...
>hrm.. not really a fear, but I'm not sure what else to
>call it... of even MENTIONING things such as enlightenment
>or path or experience, etc because invariably someone will
>come back and pick on those things because I said them
>wrongly.
OK... I'll turn this back on you... your tendency to make drama of
things that are really tiny in the bigger picture. Is there any reason to
do that? Answer that for yourself, and you will know the answer to the other.
Other than that... why does it matter if someone picks on you or
disagrees with you? Why does it matter, why do you fear it? You are
choosing victimhood... really severely choosing it, limiting yourself out
of fear of becoming a victim. Why?
Victimhood is a choice, always. You decide, if something is hurt or
blessing, problem or gift. Nobody else can decide for you. You could just
as easily accept the comments as a gift. A sharing.
If we had no differences of opinion, we could not have a discussion list.
Do you ever watch "Farscape"? I like it, it has bumped "Buffy" to
become my current favorite show. Science fiction, with muppets!
In a recent episode, the lead charachter was twinned. There was two of
him. The show closed with the two facing each other, dead serious, silently
playing rock paper scissors, over and over without end because every time
was a tie. No conversation, just this obsessive search to find some
difference between them.
The next episode sees them in conflict, looking to science because each
wants to prove that he is the original and the other is the copy... but
there is no difference.
Like Alice in wonderland said, "Thank goodness we are all different,
can you imagine how boring it would be if we were all the same?" We have
our differences. Differences is another word for conflict. There will
always be conflict, it is the price of uniqueness... even plants strive to
grow taller than their neighbor, they vie for resources and try to outgrow
the plants around them. There is interdependence, but also conflict,
competition. That is nature.
Why get stressed about it?
>I got way off topic there and my only point was just, I
>have a hard enough time putting things into the right words
>when I'm dealing with NON spiritual, every day things. I
>want to feel free to express myself, ask questions, and
>learn without having the details stepped on when the point
>is made.
LOL!! Want to have cake and eat it. What about when your expression
steps on someone else's details? You want to be free to express, but you
want to limit the expressions of others, to what you feel comfortable with.
It is a no winner.
Human nature, but that same attitude is the source of history's most
grievous repressions. The source of so much conflict. Hey, the Spanish
Inquisition wanted that too... the freedom to kill anybody who disagreed
with their dogma. It is what wars are made of.
Conflict IS. How you choose to handle conflict, is what makes peace or
war. Kindness, generosity or repression and control games.
> Hope that made sense. I haven't made it far
>enough yet to understand all that "There is no <whatever>".
There is no whatever...That is a spiritual truth, and it is backed up
by some pretty weird quantum physics... but we experience all kinds of
whats and evers, so... there are spiritual truths, but there is also lunch
and sleep and work... They coexist. One is not more true than the other, it
is simply perspective. Like the blind men and the elephant. Not seeing the
whole, they cling to their limited perceptions and beliefs, and argue...
>I'm still trying to figure out what Mystress is trying to
>teach me with "Whom does it serve?". I'll get it, damnit.
>But it takes me a while.
You write, that you are afraid to write about enlightenment because
you are afraid someone will pick on you. If you choose to listen to the
fear and hold back, then you are serving the fear. Obeying it, making it
your God. Your Dom, and you are its slave. If you choose to write because
your ego wants drama and attention, then you are serving your ego. It rules
you. You are slave to it, doing its bidding. Is it a worthy dom?
Bob Dylan wrote a song, "Everybody gotta serve somebody". Serve
something. People enslave themselves to all kind of stuff; attachments,
opinions, prejudices, people, codependence, addictions...
Whose slave are you? I am slave to Goddess within myself, and have
none before... and that spells Freedom. Better to be a slave in Heaven,
than King of hell. Serving ego, makes you king of hell, automatically. Ego
is separation, fear, limitations... and separation is hell.
The Pope described Hell as the experience of being separate from God.
Get grounded, connect to source... end the separation. Ego stuff will come
up, to give you the sacred choice of free will... to choose whom you will
serve. Goddess or ego. Surrender ego, give all the bits of it to Goddess...
and eventually there is no separation left. You are Goddess.
Sometimes I am not a very obedient slave... :) and then, Goddess
spanks. Karma bites. If I make anything more important than being true to
Goddess within myself, I am giving power away to that... making it my God.
Giving myself away to it, becoming a slave to it. Nothing else is worthy of
my slavery.
Ironically... in Nonduality I am slave in Heaven, and yet Goddess
within the illusion of other often calls me to go into duality, go be King
of somebody's Hell... to teach, to lead, to reflect... tour guide, to take
them by the hand and lead them out of ego and separation... or chase them
out with the Zen stick whacking their butt... if it is consensual.
"The road to Hell is paved with good intentions"... Good and bad is an
ego judgment. If I take responsibility (Kingship, Queendom.. karma follows
responsibility) for someone's karma because of what I think they need, my
judgments, I'll get stuck in Hell pretty quick if they do not surrender,
and follow.
Yet, if the motive truly comes from Divine inspiration, Goddess calling
me to the work of compassion, then I can be king of somebody's hell and
slave in my own heaven, both. In the world but not of it.
Nobody can choose what you feel, but you and Goddess. Free will is
Goddess law and it is involate. I spent years playing every kind of
domination game, to learn exactly how much power I have to control what
someone else does or feels. The answer is "None at all." Not unless they
allow it.
You gave me responsibility for your emotions. Made me be Goddess for
you... I accepted the role long enough to give you your power back.
Victimhood, is giving away power and responsibility for who you are and
what you feel. Feels powerful, in the moment but it is disempowering in the
long term.
An artist, becomes an artist because the Muse, Goddess within them
demands expression. Someone once wrote, that nobody becomes an artist
because they want to... they become an artist because they have no other
option. They are slaves to the Muse, the inspiration. Richard Bach wrote
that he hates writing, and will only write when an idea seizes him so
powerfully that he is dragged, kicking and screaming to the typewriter to
give it birth.
The best artists, have what we call "star quality", which means they
are an arrogant pain in the butt, who will not compromise their artistic
vision for anything or anybody, and they do not give a damn whether anyone
likes the results, or not. Then there are the commercial artists, or the
"star quality" artists who "sell out". They compromise their vision,
diminish or alter it to what succeed in the marketplace. Abandon or
diminish the muse in favor of becoming a slave to money.
Whom do you serve? Love or fear? Your ego desire for drama and worry,
or your body's desire for peace and love?
>Dearest Goddess, give me strength!!!! All I can hear in my
>head, all over again, is Tori singing "Thought I knew myself
>so well. All the dolls I had took my leather off the shelf.
>Your apocolypse was fab for a girl who couldn't chose between
>the shower or the bath.".
:) My DB serenades me like that, words of wisdom or ironic comment on
my thoughts and fears. I took a break to go put another coat of black paint
on the bondage furniture... serenaded by my DB being Bryan Ferry singing
"slaves to love, lala la la la, I'm a slave to love".
>I had planned, in my previous reply, to reply in that subbie
>"cry me a river" way..
Poor me control strategy. Yeah, you do that... :) Ever read the
Celestine Prophecies? Do.
>but instead I tried to stand up and
>take the assertive, agressive stand... NOT THE VICTIM. I
>fought back, I thought.
What were you fighting for, and who did you go to war against? What,
or whom did it serve?
> How did it come out the other way
>anyway? But even now it seems like I'm saying "I'm not as
>good as you, feel sorry for me."... But I'm not! I'M NOT!
>How do I do it so that I'm not?
Like I told Lisa, win the war by not playing. Why do you have to prove
anything to anybody? What are you trying to prove? Why? To whom? That is
ego. Insecurity.
You have plenty of enlightened examples on this list. Have you ever
heard me, or Hillary or Susan or Stephen or Jason or David say that we are
better than someone else? Asking for pity? If Goddess within you, tells you
that you are perfect, and worthy of unconditional love, then what the fuck
does it matter, what someone else thinks? :) Including your ego?
You walk around with your begging cup in hand, "give me love, give me
wisdom, gentleness, understanding, approval, reassurance, validation..."
Needy. Depending on those outside of you to fill you up. Sometimes people
throw a coin in the cup, sometimes litter or they spit in it... and you
complain even louder if the begging does not give you what you want or
think you need. You blame other people, never considering that it is not
about what other people do. It is what you are doing. Begging. Looking for
the love you need, from outside of yourself.
You are a slave to what other people think of you, what other people
say... tossed about on the sea of insecurity, protesting to me about how
much you love yourself. Your actions speak louder than your words, and they
tell me of your empty begging cup, your need for external approval and
validation.
You have a cup within you, the Heart chakra is the Holy grail. Love
yourself, put Goddess within you first and She handles it. "My cup runneth
over, with love" You have to love yourself, before you can love
another. When you tell me how much you love yourself, who are you trying to
persuade? If you need to say it, then it ain't so.
I've met your DB, I know all the love you could ever need or want, is
inside of you. He is talking to me, asking me to pass on the
message, because you are not listening. Not knowing him, even as he
serenades you, playing DJ in your mind. The soundtrack of your life.
>I started to take this off-list and speak only to you,
>Mystress, but I didn't know if that would be a way of
>hiding from the humiliation and I don't want to do that
>either.
There is a difference, between humiliation and humility... tho one can
lead to the other. :)
> I want to learn, but I don't want to hide. So
>what do I do? What's the best way? What's the right way?
Begin, at the beginning. Get grounded. When things come up to unground
you, ask yourself "whom does it serve", and make a choice. Love yourself
enough, to not give yourself away in slavery, to what is not worthy of the
gift of you. When you have some "Good intention", like your idea to defend
Joyce, look for the underlying fear, and surrender it.
Your path is yours. Get grounded and listen so Goddess can tell you
where to go, and how to get there.
>So where do we go from here?
I'm done with this, I think.. :)
Posting like this is great art of inspiration, pleasure but also
tiring. Writing this has taken hours... It is very inefficient, compared to
a phone session... tho enjoyable. Thank you for your receptivity and
surrender.
When I put energy out like this, for days afterward there are list
members in my mind, and my mailbox, asking questions and giving me their
resistance. Their differences. :) So it is, that I post a bit, and them
retreat back to nonduality, silent for days or weeks at a time. I prefer a
silent mind, and I wait for the silence to return, before re-engaging the
list.
You asked a question in private mail. Forgive me for responding here,
but my body is safewording on this game and I must obey. Fatigue, headache.
The answer about how, is a side effect of Kundalini. The answer about why,
is I did not call for him, he came to me because you asked. He knew I would
hear and take dictation. :) Ask him about the rest of it. :) I'm done.
Blessings...
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http://www.domin8rex.com/serpent/spirit/kindex.htm
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