To: K-list
Recieved: 2002/10/29 22:55
Subject: [K-list] Passive-Aggressive
From: HSV & AAL
On 2002/10/29 22:55, HSV & AAL posted thus to the K-list:
Well... now you finally got me pissed off. *laugh* But
that's a GOOD thing. Everybody has their different ways
of doing things, saying things, and apparently I somehow
misread your post in response to mine. I read... not so
much anger as disrespect, snottiness, arrogance, and some
seeming defensiveness. More than anything else, I abhor
disrespect. I don't care how much people disagree, I see
no need for showing someone disrespect when they've shown
none to you.
However, you could have seen mine as being
disrespectful, or yours may not have been meant in a
disrespectful tone. I could go look at it again and find
sections that I felt were disrespectful to me and post
them, but that wouldn't prove anything since it could be
seen in a thousand different viewpoints, would be malicious,
and would not SERVE any true and helpful purpose. I have
already been more than disrespectful enough for 10 people.
I can only control what I do and how I react to those
things that come my way. So I will -try- to act in the
best way I know how.
But I would ask that you cut me some slack... well, if I
need it, I suppose. It's very hard to take a look at ones
self, and I haven't traveled that road for a number of
years now. I only know how to be as honest as I know how.
I certainly can't leap .. well.. anything. *chuckle* But
I'll be flat-out honest with you about one thing. This
whole K/energy/enlightenment/knowledge thing reminds me a
whole hell of a lot of Writing and Analyzing in English
101 in college. I never was any good at it, but those who
were have told me one basic thing. All you have to do is
know how to support your viewpoint... basically, if you
can bullshit really well, you've got it made.
Now, please don't take that to mean that I believe all of
this is bullshit. I feel quite the opposite. HOWEVER, I
do feel like there are a lot of sayings and snips of
wisdom that seem to be, sometimes, in opposition of each
other. And it seems way too easy to use these things for
being the "wisest" one in any situation.
*takes a deep breath and wipes true tears from her eyes as
she opens the window and sees the Goddess looking over her
shoulder*
In other words, one person can give a heart-felt message
about something important, and say something like "I know
that I walk this path..." and someone will invariably come
back with "There is no path.". Yet, in the next thread
down, someone else equally as wise and experienced will
refer to this "path" that we're on and to respect all
"paths". Did you know what the person meant? Is there
reason to pick on tiny things in view of the larger more
important things? I say this because I truly have a...
hrm.. not really a fear, but I'm not sure what else to
call it... of even MENTIONING things such as enlightenment
or path or experience, etc because invariably someone will
come back and pick on those things because I said them
wrongly.
I got way off topic there and my only point was just, I
have a hard enough time putting things into the right words
when I'm dealing with NON spiritual, every day things. I
want to feel free to express myself, ask questions, and
learn without having the details stepped on when the point
is made. Hope that made sense. I haven't made it far
enough yet to understand all that "There is no <whatever>".
I'm still trying to figure out what Mystress is trying to
teach me with "Whom does it serve?". I'll get it, damnit.
But it takes me a while.
Dearest Goddess, give me strength!!!! All I can hear in my
head, all over again, is Tori singing "Thought I knew myself
so well. All the dolls I had took my leather off the shelf.
Your apocolypse was fab for a girl who couldn't chose between
the shower or the bath.".
I had planned, in my previous reply, to reply in that subbie
"cry me a river" way.. but instead I tried to stand up and
take the assertive, agressive stand... NOT THE VICTIM. I
fought back, I thought. How did it come out the other way
anyway? But even now it seems like I'm saying "I'm not as
good as you, feel sorry for me."... But I'm not! I'M NOT!
How do I do it so that I'm not?
I started to take this off-list and speak only to you,
Mystress, but I didn't know if that would be a way of
hiding from the humiliation and I don't want to do that
either. I want to learn, but I don't want to hide. So
what do I do? What's the best way? What's the right way?
So where do we go from here?
The little masochist
http://www.kundalini-gateway.org
http://www.domin8rex.com/serpent/spirit/kindex.htm
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