To: K-list
Recieved: 2002/10/29 12:30
Subject: Re: [K-list] Manipulative, Drama-Queen Martyr
From: Mystress Angelique Serpent
On 2002/10/29 12:30, Mystress Angelique Serpent posted thus to the K-list:
At 12:50 AM 29/10/02, HSV & AAL wrote:
> > My good mood is more important than a new member
> > getting giddy and acting out.
>
>** Do you truly feel this way or are -you- acting out?
That is a misinterpretation of what I said. The point is, staying
grounded is more important than getting upset over trivialities... heh,
like you do.
It is a pretty basic spiritual ethic, which you are choosing to
misinterpret for your own purposes... namely, so you can get upset over
trivialities, indulge in drama, claim to be my victim and thus have the
excuse of righteousness to be even more aggressive... without ever
admitting to the abusiveness in what you do.
The righteousness of victimhood is quite a weapon to wield... a way for
your shadow to express aggression without it interfering with your ego idea
of yourself as a gentle submissive being. Victimhood is a choice, always.
You make the choice to be a victim because you like how it gives you a
guilt free excuse to be aggressive.
>Is a veteran member any more or less important than a
>new one?
That is not the point, either. New members who are unaccustomed to
being in a Shakti-charged environment often get a little giddy. Older
members are familiar with this phenomena, and have learned not to take it
seriously. Usually it is good to point it out to them before they get
headed for psychosis. Joyce thanked me for that... but you use it as more
fodder for your victim game.
> Strange how I got the impression that the
>whole idea was to become one with everything and see
>everything for what it is... an important part of the
>whole.
Yep. Experienced that yet?
Heh... actually, when you become one with everything, you realize that
all you see, is yourself reflected. You are projecting a lot of stuff onto
me, but it is not me. It is your stuff that you do not want to own. That is
the shadow of separation from All that is.
Jung defined the Shadow as "what we think we are not". This post is
all about what you think you are not... surprise! You are all that, but it
is repressed. Projected onto me. What is repressed, comes up ugly.
A lower vibe person projecting their shadow onto a higher vibe person
is totally normal. Does not bother me, I am used to it. Hugs! Whether I
choose to engage it and play the game, depends on what is in it for me.
Enlightened selfishness.
Holly, I see Goddess in you. So very, totally loveable. You do not. I
also see the games you play, to keep yourself stuck. You do not.
> Do you have some work to do?
Yeah, I have a messy house and clients arriving in a few hours, and a
garage full of bondage furniture needing paint and repairs so it can be
loaned to a fetish club on Wed... all in good time. Right now I am enjoying
my usual routine of handling email and having a morning beverage. Just woke
up. Good morning! :)
> > Good heavens, if email was enough to set me off, I'd never have a
> > moment's peace! I get a few hundred emails, most days... You should SEE
> > some of the bizarre crap people send to my domin8rex.com website!
>
>** Then why respond to mine?
I felt like it. Heh.
Why post insisting I am angry when I have already said I was not? You
were obviously wanting my attention, so... you got it. Not in the way you
expected... but in a way that serves you best. Compassion. Tough love.
> > I smile and add their IP address to a
> > file that blocks them from visiting again. Gives me great satisfaction, a
> > nice warm feeling in my power chakra to quietly shut the door on them.
> > heehee hee!
>
>** Hello, Ego, my old friend...
Boundaries are. No point to being a doormat. A warm feeling in my power
chakra indicates that my actions are positive. I am respecting my own
boundaries, being loving to myself in a way that is not aggressive or
invasive towards another. It is warm now, too... because you did consent to
this. You asked for it, in word, thought and deed. Your own DB is right
here beside me, telling me what to write. He loves you so much!!
Shutting the door on you in the same way, would be unsubbing you and
banning you from the list, and I absolutely do not want to do that. We both
know you belong here, and this thread is as Goddess Wills.
> > Any anger you felt, is your own. Don't be projecting it onto me, I
> > don't want it. Keep it or surrender it, as you please. You want to hang
> > onto it, I guess. Cannot imagine why... (shrug) your drama.
>
>** I have a feeling you need to dig a little deeper. But that's
>just my opinion.
Heh. Your opinion, your projection, your reflection. You dig. Have you
been stewing over this post for days? Why? Because you like the drama? The
feeling of victimhood?
> > Yup and Hillary already posted saying how silly it is to get worked up
> > thinking someone needs defending. So you go off and do it anyway. Well...
> > whatever floats your boat... :)
>
>** Tis true, but it was how I felt at the time and at least -I- was
>honest about it. But... whatever floats -your- boat.
How often do you feel like that, and whom does it serve? You were not
only writing about your own feelings, you were projecting emotions onto me
that were not true. That is aggressive. You do not wish to own your
aggression. Interesting.
I have known quite a few passive aggressive verbal abusers who used
"honesty" as an excuse for abuse.
Mamma said, "If you cannot say something nice, don't say anything at
all." I did not listen, because I know plenty of folks who appreciate
verbal abuse and ask for it. I also get people who ask for me to tell them
about what is repressed, because they know I can see what they do not. It
would be easier, to say nothing, but it would not be love.
You asked for it, remember? You wrote:
> They
>may say it was ego and not truth... is it? I don't
>know, but they may know and I can't learn unless I make
>myself completely vulnerable to them and become willing
>to learn. Have faith and hit send....
You asked, and you are receiving. Where is your faith, now?
You did not listen to Mamma telling you to play nice, either. What is
your excuse? Heh. "honesty." It is BS and you know it... don't you? Some
part of you does, and asked for confirmation/validation. You are getting
what you asked for. Goddess provides! :)
> > If you really feel that way, then you would be dancing naked in the
> > streets because clothes hide the truth of your nakedness. There is purpose
> > in privacy.
> > I think, the truth is you like the attention and the drama... you know
> > this kind of behavior is detrimental to your health, but you do it anyway.
> > Go figger...
>
>** But going outside naked was not a subject I was dealing with at
>that time.
It is a metaphor, sweetie! You are smart enough to know that, but
instead you sidestep the truth, because it contradicts your ego image of
yourself.
> Hey, I've known for years that I like attention and
>drama.
Cool. Me too, but I rarely indulge in it, because it is not good for
my health. It is not surrender.
Whom does it serve, your drama? Goddess speaks, through the body-mind,
not the ego. Your body is shouting to you that something is out of tune,
via illness... and you are too busy engaging drama, to listen. I ask again,
whom does it serve? It does not serve Goddess within you, it does not serve
your body's need for peace... to heal.
> I know quite a lot about myself that you probably don't.
I know quite a bit about you, that you don't. You will say that is a
very arrogant statement, but remember, that was your purpose in posting.
I'll remind you again, you wrote:
> They
>may say it was ego and not truth... is it? I don't
>know, but they may know and I can't learn unless I make
>myself completely vulnerable to them and become willing
>to learn. Have faith and hit send....
>But it's just part of me, and aren't I supposed to love ALL of me?
The drama affects your health, it is part of why you are on so many
medications. Is indulging it at the expense of your body and well being,
really being loving to yourself? You love your drama more than caring for
your body... that is not love at all, it is self destructive.
You cannot hurt me, but what you do to yourself is really sad. Sad and
sadistic.
Dig deeper.
>Several people on this list have said so. Ya know what? I love
>me. But it doesn't sound like you love all of you.
Another projection.
> > Your post is not vulnerable, it is aggressive. A manipulation game. You
> > project your own emotions onto me, then use that, and "honesty" as an
> > excuse to post to the list all about how you think I am this and that...
> > setting yourself up as some kind of martyr hero. I did not ask for your
> > submission. Joyce did not ask for your defense. Defending her is
> projecting
> > weakness and need onto her. Whom does it serve?
>
>** No, Ma'am. My post -was- vulnerable... because I opened my heart
>and mind, admitted honestly what I was feeling inside, admitting
>that my motives were probably not pure, and admitted that I needed
>to make those things public rather than hiding them within and making
>excuses to myself about them as most people do.
Most people? This is a superiority game. Your true motive was to
appear superior to those "others" whom you judge as dishonest. Me, in
particular, apparently.
Even knowing as you claim : "One of those things was to never make
presumptions on behalf of a Dom/me else lightning shall rain upon
you." LOL!! So off you go, doing exactly that, in a genuine way that is
far more hostile than Joyce's joke... because you would like to feel like
you are my victim. It gives you pleasure.
Did you investigate SM long enough to know what a "SAM" is? Smart ass
masochist. Someone who is not genuinely submissive, but rather,
passive-aggressively seeks to provoke a Dom to anger, to get the spanking
(their love language) that they cannot ask for openly. Usually, I ignore
them... but you! You are a sam who thinks she is a gentle spiritual
subbie... that engages my interest.
What you see is a reflection of what you are.
>** No, Ma'am. I did -NOT- submit myself to you.
Ah so... so what was that bit about asking for mercy and begging me not
to be angry at Joyce? Heh. You are right. It was not submission, or
surrender. It was a passive-aggressive power game. Manipulative, drama
queen martyr game.
You appear to do that a lot, even using your cats as an excuse to get
all worked up and do yourself harm. The hairless spots were not ringworm...
they were a reflection of you. What you do to yourself, by stressing
yourself out over nothing.
> I don't even know you.
LOL!! Yet you decided you knew my emotions better than me. Decided I
was not being honest about my anger?
> I am quite happy with my own submissive nature.
Yes, you are happy because it validates your self image as a gentle
victim. I am telling you, you are not being submissive, you are showing
your passive aggressive verbal and emotional abuse stuff.
Serve Goddess within yourself, and have none before. That is the
imperative of Kundalini. I ask you again, whom does this serve?
> It used to
>be a source of embarassment and guilt many many years ago.
So, what is the current source of embarrassment and guilt? ;)
>Thankfully I found someone who was able to teach me that there was
>no shame in it since it was merely part of my own nature, and
>allowed me to show that side of myself without judgement. But I
>don't think you're that comfortable with yours. Indeed you seem the
>most defensive on that topic, more than I've seen you be before.
Well, that one was right out of left field. More projections, of
course. I am very comfortable with my sub side, it gets expressed in
service-to-other by the will of Goddess within myself. I am serving you,
sweetie! Surrendering to your request for help, and your desire for my
attention.
> I believe it's -you- projecting emotions.
You can believe anything you like. WHOM DOES IT SERVE?
>** You think your post to Joyce was not angry and agressive?
I know it wasn't. I wrote it, and I know myself. You have already
stated that you do not know me, yet... you have decided to yourself that I
have repressed anger, and a hidden sub side. You are projecting... it is
not consensual, I have already asked you to keep your projections to yourself.
> Do you think your post to me isn't?
Heh. Someone who knows me better, wrote to compliment me on my balance.
You see anger everywhere but in yourself? Do you know what passive
aggression is? Look it up.
> Strange, there seems quite a
>lot of bite and sting in the post to me. Where do those things
>come from again? I don't think they come from Love...
:) It is all love. Compassion. Your perceptions of it, comes from
you. A reflection. One day, you will see the love in it. Right now you
cannot, but it is there, anyhow. So much love... :)
>** Be assured, Mystress, I'm going to be who I am, regardless of
>anyone else anywhere in the world. But I try never to be malicious
>and hurtful. I learned these traits when I was a child, and I hope
>they stay with me until the day I die.
Spoken like a true passive aggressive. Typically, passive aggressive
folks have a big investment in their idea of themselves as gentle beings,
so the aggression gets pushed underground, and comes out in hidden ways,
with righteous excuses. Using "honesty" as a way to express negativity and
blame is one of them. What is repressed, comes up ugly.
I am sure it was easy to integrate your sub side, it went well with
your ego idea of yourself as gentle victim. Integrating your aggressive
streak is a whole other deal. Been there, done that. You have not even
begun to look at it... and so it gets pushed underground and inward, self
destructive.
> Now, if I am having a harm-
>ful effect to the people of this list, I would respectfully leave
>because the purpose of this list isn't to cause harm and I don't
>want to push away people who are in crisis. You can call this a
>manipulative, self-serving, aggressive, martyr-ish ploy.
Heh, yeah, totally. It IS a manipulative, self-serving, aggressive,
martyr-ish ploy.
There are layers and layers to that game. All the layers you built to
cover up your true nature, so you would not have to face it.
> That is your perogative to think so. However, my offer is genuine.
Your offer to play "take my ball and go home" instead of facing up to,
and owning your own aggression? I am sure it is genuine, positive it is a
strategy that has served you well since childhood... and it is a very
childish game. Born of the child you were, who could not face up to the
sadist within, and repressed it.>In nature and knowledge,
if only that were true! Someday...
Well, I am off to do the work... the other work. :)
Blessings!
http://www.kundalini-gateway.org
http://www.domin8rex.com/serpent/spirit/kindex.htm
DISCLAIMER!
Home | Archive Index | Search the archives | Subscribe
K. List FAQ | Kundalini FAQs | Signs and Symptoms | Awakening Experiences | K. list Polls | Member Essays | Meditations | List Topics | Art Gallery | Cybrary | Sitemap | Email the moderators.
symbol.