To: K-list
Recieved: 2002/10/26 04:27
Subject: [K-list] Get Thee Behind Me, Satan
From: Lady Joyce

First, I want to get Lady Joyce off the chopping block. She is only 7 years
old and I will not let her take the blame for what I wrote last night to Me.
She is my author, not my ego!!! Sorry, Lady Joyce. I hid behind you and let
you take the blame and the punishment. That was not fair. Forgive me,
please.

I have been struggling with my anger at Me for getting me mad. I have been
struggling with my disappointment in me for letting Me get me so angry. Me,
I felt that you attacked me directly in your post responding to Steven's
outreach.

While I watched with interest your thread of confrontation, I did not feel
personally attacked. Once I did, I defended myself. It reminds me of an old
Star Trek episode where the forces of evil fed upon the anger in the crew.
The more angry the crew became, the stronger the forces of evil became,
feeding upon the anger for their existence. Once the crew figured it out
and stopped its anger, the evil force had nothing to feed on and died.

I could not sleep last night because I allowed my self to get so riled up in
anger. I needed to get up this morning and let go of my anger. Since my
anger is grounded in my pain, I had to look at my pain too. Back to that.
Me, you hurt me with your comments. Maybe you were fending off your own
perception of being attacked by striking out at Steve and the list. I rose
to the bait even if it wasn't dangling there for me.

It seems you keep striking and we keep striking back. Everytime someone
tries to hand you an olive branch, you ignore that and find the fault in
their post. In the beginning, someone, I think Lori?, asked you if you had
an issue with anger. You blew her off and said you had no more to say to
her. Unlike me, she had the presence of mind to walk away from your anger.
You may not think you have an issue with anger, but you sure do have a way
of bringing it out in me.

I will say that I am sorry and I do mean it. I am not fawning to you. I
will not curtsy to you. I am still stinging. But I am also struggling to
come to terms with my pain and my anger. I am sorry. And, whether you
like it or not...

Love and Light,Joyce

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