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To: K-list
Recieved: 2002/10/20 16:26
Subject: [K-list] Re: Dark night of the soul.
From: Sabrina

On 2002/10/20 16:26, Sabrina posted thus to the K-list:

Anyone else experienced similar pain? Is this Dark night time?
> All thoughts appreciated.

Hello,

Perhaps it's the downside of the recent energy spike people seem to
have been experiencing. For the first time in a year I myself feel
MAJORLY depressive and at odds with myself. My pain can be summed up
like this: I want things, I feel bad for wanting cause I've been
programmed not to want things, because I've been told that spiritual
people shoulnd't have desires and want stuff, that if you want lots
of stuff like beauty, riches and perfect healthy, you're greedy. I'm
told that we create our own reality and that we live in a universe of
abundance, so why the hell can't I create the things I need and
want? 'Cause I feel GUILTY. I feel guilt for wanting and needing
things, and then I beat myself up for feeling guilty and abusing
myself. I feel bad for wanting the impossible, and then I feel bad
for not trusting enough to make these things possible. I want to feel
perfect unconditional love from within, but I don't know how to tap
into that love cause I have old voices telling me I'm not worthy of
love. So, yeah, I'm pretty down too, and beating myself up for being
such a blatant materialist that things like lots of money and beauty
and friends could make me happy. Pretty stupid shit to be depressed
about, no?

Sabrina

http://www.kundalini-gateway.org
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