To: K-list
Recieved: 2002/10/16 20:03
Subject: [K-list] bad medicine
From: Shellelr
On 2002/10/16 20:03, Shellelr posted thus to the K-list:
Don't know why I put myself through this yesterday. I need to vent. It's a
long story, but hang in there, there's a cosmic lesson involved.
I never go to doctors. Back after my initial K illness in '97 I went to
eleven doctors over the course of a year trying to figure out what the hell
had happened to my body. The spiritual part hadn't kicked in yet, but my
physical ass had been kicked for sure! I went through a great deal of stress
and torment dealing with these people. Some tried to be kind but most were
impatient and insensitive, and once they'd determined I didn't have Lyme
Disease or Lupus or who knows what else, gave me a diagnosis of chronic
fatigue syndrome and tried to dismiss me or treat me like I was a
hypochondriac.
Anyway. For a while now I've been having this thing where my face gets kind
of numb. Not exactly numb, I can still feel things and move it normally, it
just feels tight and almost tingly. Usually it happens with a sensation of
heat flushing through my face,and seems to be triggered by tiredness or
stress. My eyes are involved in the equation, too, with dryness and
irritation. So I've done my internet research and I figure I'm probably
developing rosacea. I decide to go to my internist and just check it out.
My husband and I have each seen her a couple of times for other things and
she is always unpleasant. She is a brusque and obnoxious person who enters
the room with a challenging attitude that says, be ready to prove whatever it
is you're about to tell me you're experiencing.
So I try to describe the face thing, through many interruptions. She cuts me
off with time complaints. She gives me an exasperated little facial
examination and then flings her hands in the air and tells me she's stumped,
since I'm experiencing this on my whole face and not just half of it, and
she's referring me to a neurologist.
I leave the office feeling battered and much unhealthier than when I walked
in, and not sure at all I need or want to see a neurologist and go through
MRIs or whatever for this. The receptionist notices that I am disturbed and
tells me not to worry. I tell her I'm not worried, I'm traumatized by what I
just went through. She tells me that's just the way the doctor is with
people. I get home and totally fall apart because I feel like I've been
thrown back into that really stressful and sick world I lived in during the
year of eleven doctors who could not help me and did not believe me.
So this morning I get up and call the number of the neurologist's office to
make an appointment. Turns out the doctor's receptionist gave me the wrong
number. Okay. So I look up the correct number, and call it. I get the
office answering service, and they tell me the office doesn't open for 15
more minutes. So I wait twenty minutes and call the neurologist's office. I
am put on hold for 10 minutes, seemingly forgotten about. I hang up, and
call back. I am put on hold for 5 more minutes. Finally, I speak to someone
and ask for an appointment. She says okay, just let me take your insurance
information. I start to give it to her; she stops me and informs me that
they don't take my insurance. I happily say goodbye. I stand up and say to
the Universe, THANK YOU! I CAN TAKE A HINT!
I think this lesson was about continuing to trust myself and my instincts
about my body. And I need to learn how to manage my stress or whatever is
causing the face flushing problem. But I don't know how I'm going to get
over my doctor/Western Medicine phobia.
love to you all for listening,
Shelle
http://www.kundalini-gateway.org
http://www.domin8rex.com/serpent/spirit/kindex.htm
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