To: K-list
Recieved: 2002/08/30 10:46
Subject: [K-list] (unknown)
From: kunipshn
On 2002/08/30 10:46, kunipshn posted thus to the K-list:
I am in a quandary over what is really happening with me. I have been
around now for nearly half a century so I have quite a number of
experiences to draw on and mull over and now I am finding repetitions
in the comparisons.
I have over time accepted a number of explanations for the turmoil of
my life and have sought out doctors for physical symptoms and mental
dysfuntions and clergy for spiritual guidance. I have followed
instructions to the letter, and recovered. But, it seems that no
sooner have I recovered that then up comes something else.
The only thing that seems to be a constant is a state of being that I
suppose would best be described as un-attached. It is a feeling of
physically mentally and spiriually not being connected to myself.
This will last for a considerable span of time with each bout of crap
that makes me ill.
This last year I have been reading this list, a friend told me to
check it out, what was the harm? afterall. I began an experment of a
kind. Instead of running off and getting medications or having my
head shrunk or doing pennance I have instead taken a different
approach and looked at the un-attachment as a time-out, a cleansing,
and let it happen. BIG differnce in how this affects me mentally.
Question is now, is this change because I am crazy, for real? And I
am only imagining that I have avoided the mental trama that
accompanies the illnesses. or Have I replaced it with something else?
a delusional something.
Is it possible that I been fighting healing my whole life by being
afraid of a spiritual medicine that don't come in a bottle, but in a
state of being.
I do not know how to best describe this, it is almost as if I were
floating *inside* my body and mind, not numb, but not altogether
feeling either. It scares me near to death that I am dying, or
loosing my mind.
I still got the crap, but the crap wasn't sending me over the edge as
it used to. Until this morning.
I have had an overall feeling that everything is going to be okay.
And I can wait it out. It is a nice high. I do have to remind myself
of that repeatedly, and that is the hardest part, remembering to
remind myself that relaxing into it will feel better than fighting it.
This morning I woke up feeling this way more so than I did yesterday,
nothing has happened that I can pinpoint to escalate this state, and
I am getting bombarded with fear that I should make an appointment
for meds to make it stop.
I am writting to ask if this is similar to anyone on the list. If
this sounds like something that others feel when this kundalini is
doing its work. I already know from talking to others with mental
disorders that it is similar to what they experience. But quite
frankly I would like to break out of that pattern and make something
of all this. But also, I do not want to do myself damage by not
getting help if what I am experincing is a clear cut case of a mental
disorder that has nothing to do with spiritual change.
Thank You,
Connie
pt6YBB/NXiEAA/MVfIAA/AtTslB/TM
http://www.kundalini-gateway.org
http://www.domin8rex.com/serpent/spirit/kindex.htm
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