To: K-list
Recieved: 2002/08/26 17:58
Subject: [K-list] Loneliness & Relationships
From: HSV & AAL
On 2002/08/26 17:58, HSV & AAL posted thus to the K-list:
Thank you all, so much, for your kind words and reassurances.
As I was just telling my Mom, I'm so very lucky to have
someone who loves me unconditionally. He doesn't care that
I've gained 50 to 60 lbs in the 5 years we've been together
and I don't care that he's gained just as much. Somehow we
still find each other beautiful and attractive. I have no
clue how he looks at me and finds me sexy, and I'm sure he
probably thinks the same about me finding him gorgeous. But
we don't need to understand.
For the first time in my life since my son was born, I can
eat without feeling guilty. I don't have anyone calling me
a "fat, lazy B*tch" like my ex-husband did. (well, my
current love calls me B*tch, but only after I spent about a
year training him that it was OKAY to call me that. i
learned to own that word and wear it like a badge of honor.
but he never says it disrespectfully or in anger.) I don't
have to hear my own family members (NOT my Mom. Family on
my Dad's side of the family) call me T.T.T., which stands
for Two Ton Tessie. Isn't that a lovely term of endearment?
*snorts derisively* Somehow they can't seem to understand
why I don't take it jokingly.
Despite all my difficulties, my pain and depression, my
lack of physical ability which forces him to have to do
all the shopping and runs to the Drug Store, my anxiety
which causes me to rage and yell at him and my son, and
the fact that I haven't been able to sleep with him for
about 3 years, he still loves me. Oh, don't get me wrong.
All the work he has to do wears on him every day and it
becomes unbearable for him at times. But we sit down and
talk about it and cry about it.
If nothing else, at least we have that: communication.
And whenever I have need of his love, all I have to do
is call his name or even just gaze at him, and he comes
to my side and holds me. I don't know what I ever did
to deserve such kindness and happiness. But to quote
Julie Andrews from The Sound of Music,
"Nothing comes from nothing. Nothing ever could. So,
Somewhere in my youth, or childhood," (or former life),
"I must have done something good."
Again, thank you all for the support. I'm going to sit
down tonight and talk with Alan about these new things
I've learned. And perhaps if I ever have my own
Awakening, he'll be able to understand and be supportive.
Goddess keep you all safe within her moon-glow,
Cambeie
http://www.kundalini-gateway.org
http://www.domin8rex.com/serpent/spirit/kindex.htm
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