To: K-list
Recieved: 2002/08/19 00:50
Subject: [K-list] Tortured By Demons?
From: Michael Lindsley
On 2002/08/19 00:50, Michael Lindsley posted thus to the K-list:
This is my first post, but it may be a familiar story to some of you.
Extraordinary events of the past year set me upon a quest which has led
me to this mailing list. I've had "energy phenomena" for many years,
often fairly intense since I began meditating about ten years ago. Any
sort of prayer or spiritual yearning is usually accompanied by a
pleasant glowing, electric sensation in my chest. I long ago found I
could move the energy around, call on it; I knew it was a friend. My
catholic background made me wonder if it was the "holy spirit". I felt
certain it was some sort of spiritual indicator, but didn't give it too
much importance. I was primarily concerned with living life, keeping up
my meditation, trying to become a better person. I asked in prayer to
know the will of the creator, for greater understanding, for the
capacity to carry out the creator's will. I was living a fairly quiet
life. Then, a year ago, my world imploded. Traveling in Mexico, I
flipped out. In a familiar place, and among friends, I began hearing
threatening voices. I became paranoid, overwhelmed by fear. I thought
people were conspiring against me. For many months I was on the run,
half out of my mind, and terrified. In my worst moments of fear, I felt
the most powerful currents of energy. I actually looked in the mirror to
see if like flames were shooting out the top of my head. (They weren't).
That's what it felt like. Months of sleepless nights and thousands of
miles passed before I finally landed at my brother's house. Somehow he
talked me into a visit to the shrink. Three months of Zyprexa, a
mind-numbing anti-psychotic, helped me to see that the voices tormenting
me were probably being created in my own mind.
Can't tell ya what a surprise it was to learn that I'm crazy!
Couldn't stand the drugs, so I went off them six months ago. I still
hear voices occasionally, but I've learned that they feed on fear. So I
try to ignore them. Not always easy to do. I'm still not really quite
sure "where" they come from. Are they entities, or my subconscious mind,
or am I actually hearing the thoughts of other people? It's still a
great mystery to me at this point. I sort of feel that it's all been a
kind of test- of my resolve not to respond to cruelty with hatred or
resentment. I keep hoping that the test can be over soon. Other than
that, I've rebuilt my life as best I can. Each day is a fabulous gift, a
new world of opportunities. Trying to understand my circumstances has
led me to discover all sorts of interesting ideas( and some really
wacked-out ones!), brilliant teachers(and some astounding frauds), a
whole new universe of things I hadn't been paying attention to. A
cosmic wake-up call? Heh. I was pretty comfortable sleeping...
So I've lurked my way through the archives, and now I've joined the
list. I'm really grateful for all the information I've gleaned here.
Bless you all, and thanks to anybody who bothered to read this. I'd
appreciate any sort of responses you might care to make, especially any
ideas on dealing with nasty "voices". Love and Light and Happiness to
you all. Michael
http://www.kundalini-gateway.org
http://www.domin8rex.com/serpent/spirit/kindex.htm
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