To: K-list
Recieved: 2002/08/18 06:51
Subject: Re: [K-list] Digest Number 1151
From: Stephen Kowalchuk
On 2002/08/18 06:51, Stephen Kowalchuk posted thus to the K-list:
All,
> someone who offers "helpful" advice, but the tone of the response
> was so patronizing and used odd phraseology, such as, "dis-ease"
> that I am compelled.
IIRC, the term "dis-ease" is frequently used in ACM (A Course in Miracles)
circles. But yeah, it's odd for this list and is frequently accompanied with a
patronizing tone, as if you can simply un-condition yourself from responding to
the implied threat that discourteous drivers create.
I use the word "threat" here deliberately. Tailgating, blowing the horn,
flashing high beams, cutting one off....these are all aggressive actions,
executed in an attempt to create a dominant/submissive relationship between the
other driver and oneself.
> Discourteous drivers evoke an immediate gut reaction in me, a power
> chakra K. block if you will. To tell me to add to that blockage by
> attempting to ignore or surpress it (as if it were a choice) is
> unsound advice, on many levels, including common psychology.
>
> > When someone wants to overtake you, give them a head nod and let
> them
> > pass. Make eye contact, and smile.
>
> I'd rather act like a warrior and confront evil. I beep at people
> who cut me off and wave thanks to people who give me the right of
> way.
There is a grain of truth in what you both are saying, IMHO. But I think
subtlety rules here.
- You can reframe the situation by ignoring the other driver's actions and doing
what you believe is the right thing to do in your situation anyway. Obviously,
this notion is context-related, but by going back to your own first principles
about driving releases you from having to confront the "evil" (which may only be
evil from your perspective). Your actions then become self-referential -- you
do them because they are the "right thing to do", irregardless of what anyone
else does. This is an extremely powerful tool for letting go of conflict that
cannot be resolved, and releasing karma that need not be kept. Also keeps the
blood pressure down.
If the other driver is truly a danger, it also makes it perfectly legitimate for
me to pick up my cell phone and dial 911, reporting this driver to the police.
Not because I need to get one over on the driver, but because someone could get
killed.
- Another possible reframing (though more difficult) involves you doing the
exact opposite of the other driver's expectation. This probably does not work
in the "passing lane" scenario presented above, but I have seen it work in other
ways. The aggressive driver is looking for a certain amount of resistance to
his aggressiveness. This tension is important to the illusion of dominance, and
keeps the driver focused on the "game". If one suddenly releases all the
tension, it's like letting go of the rope in a tug of war. No need to wave or
anything, I don't think anyway. Just totally let go, and laugh out loud. The
other driver has no idea what the hell to do.
(incidentally, according to NLP texts when that moment of confusion occurs and
the "rope is slack", the aggressor is really open to suggestion. food for
thought.)
- A third and simpler reframing is to see all the cars as a system of flow, like
grains of rice trying to get through a funnel and into a jar. The perspective
of an individual grain could easily see good and evil. But the jar only sees a
lot of rice. ;-) It doesn't help resolve the dominance play, but it does help
me release the tension and center myself.
Hope this helps. I know these reframing techniques help me. I drive on a
crowded interstate every day, and at least one wingnut has to come screw with me
no matter how courteous I am. By reframing my perspective, I save myself a gray
hair here and there.
Steve
http://www.kundalini-gateway.org
http://www.domin8rex.com/serpent/spirit/kindex.htm
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