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To: K-list
Recieved: 2002/08/14 15:59
Subject: [K-list] Am i in the Dark Night?
From: Ben Frocklage

On 2002/08/14 15:59, Ben Frocklage posted thus to the K-list:

Apart from my other problems i have had a peculiar one as of late. It all
started about 3 or 4 months ago when all of a sudden i felt a sweet and soft
bliss that entered my heart that started when i just thought of God. IT was
the best experience of my life, for two days i felt it nonstop. It got
mildly intense, at its peak times i would walk around like a drunken man
stumbling around and such. It was great! I prayed very much for it not to
stop. But it did stop. When it stopped all i could think about was how could
i get this joy back again it changed my whole life. After it happened though
things were different. Music which i loved lost its luster, it no longer
brought me joy to listen to, and the same with meditation, whenever i
meditate NOTHING happens its very annoying. Ever since that happened i have
not felt joy in anything at all its like im stuck in some weird void that is
suffocating. My heart feels dry, and it feels like there is a vast emptiness
within it. Iam sick of the physical world, i no longer look for hapiness
from it, i have no desire at all but to have that joy again that i
experienced. Thus i have a stronger desire for God than ever, yet i feel
like im not progressing at all. It feels like iam an outcast, not in the
physical world of men and not spiritual either. At times i moan and cry out
from this suffering of emptiness that i feel. A friend said that I'm going
through the dark night of the soul, and that my suffering would end in time.
At first i thought it was true and great hope and hapiness came to me. Now
weeks later its still here and I'm not sure. Maybe iam stuck in some weird
void of suffering and it will never end? I don't really know what to think.
-Ben_____________

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