To: K-list
Recieved: 2002/08/12 18:48
Subject: Re: [K-list] eh Nuts! (And what to do when you think that you are)
From: Mystress Angelique Serpent
On 2002/08/12 18:48, Mystress Angelique Serpent posted thus to the K-list:
At 03:59 AM 18/07/02, OnlyCyclesATnospamaol.com wrote:
>Alright, so there is a screw loose somewhere. There has got to be-I have been
>having a very hard time falling asleep lately. I tend to move through this
>simply by meditation, and projecting-and then I find myself tired enough to
>go to sleep. I passout, then wake up-but this is no good. I have to be able
>to wake up at 6 in the morning, not 2 in the afternoon.
Hard physical exercise. Wear your body out, then you will sleep better.
>Most of the hard stuff is over. I'm not hearing voices anymore-they were all
>caused by my environment. I wasn't really listening to the world around me.
>I'm not paranoid anymore(usually), I'm not chasing after any more crazy
>delusions shining bright like a holy grail.
Good for you! Very kewl! Happy to hear it.
>Now, friends, I am dealing with something else completely.
>
>Went I tried to go to sleep tonight..I saw myself being helped by people.
>People I've seen before. Chances are, they weren't actually here helping me,
>in my room, but just energy I was seeing in a certain way.
Yup.
>Then..a little
>wile later...I started thinking about something..Something weird..I wasn't
>really paying attention to what I was thinking about..I was just thinking.
>And then there was this brilliant light-So white in the center I couldn't
>even really look there, and around the sides, there was a soft spectrum of
>colors that I could see where the light faded into the darkness. Very
>stunning. And it shook me out of my doze, and kind of gave me a scare.
: ) such a K. experience is not so unusual... but like all phenomena,
it is best not to give it too much attention.
>Well, that brought back my old "illusions" once again. The big one too-Had I
>died? Am I dead? I stepped out onto the patio to have a smoke, and I thought
>about things. Things are so much different than they used to be. I sense the
>world differently-It feels different.
Well, I think of myself as a dead woman, even tho the body is alive and
kicking... so, no worries. Ego death is death, the body survives but with
the soul in charge...
But, after ego death, detachment is an even more important discipline,
because your thoughts have so much more power to create your reality.
>Another strange thing that I am always
>haven't to accept-though its easy enough expect for when I'm paranoid. Maybe
>some of you have the same experiance..I don't think like I used to. I used to
>always hear this babble of thought, and most of the time I'd ignore it,
>except for when I needed it. Now..I'm blank. I don't hear anything at all,
>except for when I need it.
That is great, wonderful, perfect. Silent mind like a Zen master.
> Say-if I want to do math in my head..Its hard to
>consider a math problem and figure it out without tracing the steps as you
>go..Well. Okay-I come to think of it..It is not really such a big deal-I can
>hear minds sometimes now. Usually people that are close to me, a very faint
>sound of their voice.
Sounds pretty normal... for a kundalite!
>Back to the patio again-I sat there, trying to figure this out, this thing
>that feels much bigger than me sometimes. And I said, well, if its true, if I
>am dead, and if this is all a part of my mind-a mind that may not be able to
>completely let go of this physical world, and so had locked its self up here
>for the time being-if this is all inside of my head..then I'd have control,
>correct? Well, I thought "Woohoo" and I sent it out there. Putting some
>feeling behind it...Within 30 seconds a woman actually shouted "Woohoo!" at
>the lightening show my little town is getting.
For me that is normal too. What you put out comes back, multiplied. You
send out the energy of a Woohoo thought and it came back multiplied=someone
shouting aloud. Universal law in action.
>The biggest problem. Sleep. I loved it when I projected all night, living in
>my dreams, but that was when I was at the top-going up. I'm going down now. I
>have to. I will be going to school soon, and when I'm that high up..I can't
>do much but laugh at silly things and act much like a child would. Now I have
>to gear up, and get ready for some hardcore learning. I have to get ready for
>the rest of my life. And now this little sleeping problem is getting the best
>of me.
It could be that your body is in a high energy state because it is
preparing you for school, in advance. Clearing, cleansing, adjusting...
My trick is to simply ask Goddess to prepare me for whatever I have to
do, in whatever way She thinks best... and then sit back and let it happen.
Works great, so long as what I am wanting to do is in alignment with Her
will for me.
>I know I'm not ready to move on from this life just yet. So even if I am
>"dead", there are still some things I need to clear up. I'm not saying that
>you aren't here. I'm saying..everything I perceive is inside my own head.
For all I know, I could be straight jacketed in a rubber room, dreaming
I am writing to a list... how could I tell? I cannot... so, the serenity
prayer is to not worry about it! Chop wood, carry water...
>Basicly-with this kind of paranoia..its like a loop. Its true if it is, its
>true if it isn't.
Yoga says, this world is a dream... all of it. Might as well stop
fighting and enjoy it.
>Acceptance. I try to accept everything. I try to accept the possibility that
>I have died, without believing it in so strongly that I lose my grip. I try
>to accept other things too.
that's wonderful. Right on track.
> Its hard-the paranoia comes from my life that I
>have lived-about 3-4 years ago I took way too much ecstasy. Drug over doses
>on ecstasy aren't really all that common-usually they only occur due to
>dehydration. Say, dancing too much at a part and not drinking any water.
>During 36 hours I took 5 pills. I don't really have a good memory of that
>week, or what happened. I remember most things, I remember bits and
>pieces...
X erodes boundaries... blew you wide open and you took in a lot of
stuff from other people.
>But afterwards..things were much different for me. That's when I got
>paranoid. That's when I started to think too much..soo much..so much in fact
>I realized that thought was worthless to me. No thought could add up to the
>beauty of life. So just hush, quiet down, and love the way that breeze
>feels..I have worked through a lot. And now I'm mostly back to where I was
>again, but with a whole new look on life. A very different person. I feel
>reborn. I feel like I've moved up a level in this world. Not up a level form
>you exactly, just.. up a level from where I was at.
Beautiful. sorry for the late response, I'm going through my outbox
finishing unfinished emails. Blessings!
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http://www.domin8rex.com/serpent/spirit/kindex.htm
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