To: K-list
Recieved: 2002/08/03 22:59
Subject: [K-list] Once the Door has been Opened...
From: mundaneyogi
On 2002/08/03 22:59, mundaneyogi posted thus to the K-list:
Having just happily discovered and joined this group, I thought
I'd say, "hello, all", and share a bit of my history and
why I'm here. I'll try to be brief, but since I'm
considered middle-aged now, it won't be easy. The essential
reason I'm here is that, after many years of not meditating, I am
being drawn back to it by the sound and feeling of the Kundalini
trying to express itself within me.
Although I've made my living through logic, as an engineer and
computer programmer, I've also always had an interest in
spiritual and philosophical matters, as well as being a composer
(though I could never make enough money to be a full-time musician).
My logical side has always revolted at the idea of blind belief,
which is why I was originally drawn to direct experience of the
spiritual via hallucinogenic substances and meditation.
If you can suffer it, here is a chronological summary of my
life's spiritual experiences:
When I was around the age of four, I had a few seizures and wound-up
in the hospital. To this day I have an abnormal EEG (exceptionally
strong alpha waves is all I can get from the doctors), but
haven't had any more seizures since age four. My vague memory
from that time was one of visions (albeit of mundane objects) imposed
on the physical world, and a feeling that I was a mature adult in a
child's body. I also had migraines as a teenager and young
adult, but these too went away.
I can still recall a couple of lucid dreams I had during that early
time. From time to time during my life I have had a few of these
lucid dream, where I was fully conscious, but realized I was
dreaming. The most profound of these was a true out of the body
experience, where I actually watched my body sleeping, and
encountered an other worldly entity (which scared the crap out of me
and caused me to wake-up).
At 14 my friends and I dabbled in the occult (tarot carts, quija
boards, and such). One night we camped out in the back yard and
tried to self-hypnotize ourselves. I succeeded! I also succeeded in
losing touch with the material world and setting the sleeping bag on
fire – well maybe not on fire, but it was smoldering.
When I was 16 I did some pharmaceutical LSD. It was the 60's, so
my desire to experience something beyond the mundane predisposed me
to try it. The trip was literally mind blowing. I thought I would
never come down and was stuck on a permanent trip. For years
afterwards I had many weird feelings and visions, with the constant
fear that I was going insane. Much later, when I read Gopi
Krishna's "Kundalini" book, I was struck with how similar his
experiences were to mine.
After a few years of struggle, when I felt I had my sanity somewhat
under control, I was introduced to Carlos Castaneda's Don Juan
book "A Yaqui way of Knowledge". I devoured each book in the series,
and after a while, started having strange experiences again. This
led to a recurrence of anxiety attacks.
At this point I felt I was really losing it, and things keep getting
more bizarre. Then I met-up with the same friend with whom I had
done self-hypnosis and LSD. He gave me the book "Be Here Now" by Ram
Das. It probably saved my life. While the contents of the book were
fascinating, just looking at the words "Be Here Now" on the
cover seemed to dissipate all my anxiety.
From the bibliography I was led to read "Autobiography of a Yogi".
This led me to join the Self-Realization Fellowship (SRF) and to
eventually receive Kriya Yoga initiation. A few times during deep
meditation I experienced the raising of the Kundalini. I heard a
sound like a rushing waterfall, my consciousness seemed to expand
tremendously, my head was full of inner light, and I felt
overwhelming bliss.
After a while, due to the heavy devotional aspects of SRF and my
worldly duties at work and as a father and husband, my interest in
Yoga waned. None-the-less, I would still experiment with Yoga, Zen,
and other mediation disciplines from time to time. I think I was
simply content to have found peace of mind. However, for the last 25
years meditation and the spiritual have taken a subordinate role in
my life.
Now that my children have grown-up and I find myself largely free of
worldly responsibility, guess what? Kundalini is reasserting
herself. For the past few months I have heard her whispering in my
ear, as it were, and have begun doing Kriya Yoga daily. Although I
am taking it slowly, I easily slip into a state of bliss after only a
few minutes of meditation. I can feel the power about to really
assert itself, like a dam about to break. There is no anxiety or
fear (that vanished decades ago), but I'm not fully sure what to
expect.
It's a pleasure to have found this group. Any comments or advice
are welcome.
Love and peace to you all.
http://www.kundalini-gateway.org
http://www.domin8rex.com/serpent/spirit/kindex.htm
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