To: K-list
Recieved: 2002/07/31 09:13
Subject: [K-list] paranoia and fear
From: Stephen Kowalchuk
On 2002/07/31 09:13, Stephen Kowalchuk posted thus to the K-list:
All,
To answer Hillary's paranoia poll, I suspect that everyone who experiences K
experiences paranoia to a degree. Comes from the heightened time-space
sensitivity. I used to get pretty spooked, when I couldn't tell what was
setting off my alarms, so to speak.
The worst part was that the "spider sense" was on 24/7, and often got pretty
loud. Time's fluid with K, and the damn thing could be going off regarding
something in the future or something my conscious mind missed in the past.
Darkness. Silence. Alone in the house at 2 in the morning with my K set off
like Neal Peart in my head doing a drum solo. That's what it felt like. It
felt like being tickled from the inside out, and no way to know why or to shut
it off. Then it was like spiders on my skin, needle pricks and every sensation
building.
Of course, the mind fills in the gaps, interprets, rationalizes. From memories,
past scripts, beliefs, projections....
Yeah. Paranoia. Unreasonable fear. Who ever said K was reasonable.
But what is fear, ultimately? And, in the end, what do we fear? Can all fear
be traced to pain? I'm not an authority on this topic...we have a number of
much more learned psychologists in our midst. My personal take on fear is that
it involves 3 root impulses:
- Fear of physical pain, e.g. being beaten or maimed or succumbing
to disease.
- Fear of emotional pain, e.g. one's sense of familiarity or universal
order shattered.
- Fear of death, or more specifically fear of meaninglessness.
Fear can be associated with the ego (as in fear of being wrong, fear of
insignificance, fear of failure), and it can be associated with deeper physical
and survival impulses. And in K people, I imagine fear gets amplified many
times over because of our acute sensitivity.
The way I have seen people conquer fear is in recognizing that the tiger of fear
has no teeth in a context bigger than 4 dimensions. Easy to say, hard to live.
In my own experience, I banish fear with openness, meditation on the heart, and
perspective. While it does not remove all fear, it does keep the volume down.
StevePS- And, worth mentioning....courage is living your highest truth, even when
fear comes to visit. So, all you K-lites out there, give yourselves a pat on
the back. In my mind, you are very courageous people.--
---------
Stephen Kowalchuk
spkATnospamkowalchuk.org
There are three hungers that people are trying to feed throughout their
lives. The first is to connect deeply with the creative spirit of life.
The second hunger is to know and express your gifts and talents.
The third hunger is to know that our lives matter. -- Richard Leider
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