To: K-list
Recieved: 2002/07/20 03:39
Subject: Re: [K-list] Kristy's 2nd fear rant
From: . A.S.A.
On 2002/07/20 03:39, . A.S.A. posted thus to the K-list:
Hi Kristy,
I really recognise what you are going through.. I have been through similar phases the last couple of weeks , but for me there has been most confusion, the intensity has been calming down as I let go.. Naturally this can be fearful or confusing, you feel you are about "loose you mind" and this is exactly what is about to happen.. But most people have been programmed to fear this "no mind" state.. your natural state of being..
This is considered as "madness" by the rational mind and actually I discovered that there was an imprint to fear the Innocense of Truth in my genes a couple of days ago, this was a programmed imprint from my ancestors where Lucifer was masked as the truth, and connected with a feeling of fear .. Church brainwashing, in my genes..
This was really liberating and made me understand a lot of what I have been going through..
A bigger picture is always unfolding itself and your little-mind has no idea what your big-mind is up too.. That is what causes the fear, you mind are loosing control.. This is beyond words..
And it is really good to vent whatever coming up, try to find words for you understandings.. because this is a way for you to release it..
.
----- Original Message -----
From: Stormymouse :P
To: kundalini-gate
Sent: Saturday, July 20, 2002 12:10 PM
Subject: [K-list] Kristy's 2nd fear rant You all will be pretty sick of me soon but I am having a hard time right now :( very hard I am trying so hard to take all of your advice and not fear. But fear is consuming me I get calmed and my solar plexus starts up again. I am releasing sooo much fear I can hardly take it I feel as though Im on the edge I am so scared right now I dont know how much more I can take. I question my sanity right now it wont stop I just want a break and it gets in my head I am trying to calm myself but the things I am releasing are almost too much for the first time in ages I wanted to end things but I wont, I cant I will keep going I WILL. God please help me, please give me a break I beg you. I dont know if I can handle releasing some of the things that are coming up right now these are things I wasnt prepared for I feel they are so large larger than anything I have come up against yet. I am so scared this is my whole ego my whole inner child wanting to come out and I dont know h ow to face these things they have ran my life for so long now. I am soooo scared right now Ugh. I feel as though I have been in a fight I ache all over my solar plexus and heart chakra are so uncomfortable and achey I feel so many blocks in them. Is this my fault? I started bringing this stuff up to heal and now it just keeps coming so fast I feel the energy flowing through my body my tailbone is so warm the K is consuming me. I feel like I could suffocate like I am trapped inside of my body. I just want to learn to let go and release it, why is it so hard? Why? I am fighting myself and I pray it doenst get any harder I want it to get better I want a break :( I am crying I never cry I dont know what else to do. I will make it I know that but I pray I will gain my strenght back soon cuz it is so damn hard it really is. I just want to be strong but my whole life I have wanted to be babied I have been so fearful and now I have to be strong all by myself, am I ready for this? Dont worry all I will be ok but I really needed to release all this right now. Hubby is off for the weekend so I will have help and I will try my hardest to get through this by Monday and I know that means to be strong and not flip out. OK here goes guess I'll go back and lay down for a while and try to release calmly. I already feel better again and am ready to move on I suppose. Please dont let this freak anyone out if you are new to K cuz I have tons of issues to work through and I know panic stories can look bad but it is just my weaknesses coming out.
Love and Light
Kristy (is it normal for the aching in the really active chakras)
http://www.kundalini-gateway.org
http://www.domin8rex.com/serpent/spirit/kindex.htm
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