To: K-list
Recieved: 2002/07/09 14:25
Subject: Road to hell of saviors. [K-list] No sick houses or bodies or souls!
From: Mystress Angelique Serpent
On 2002/07/09 14:25, Mystress Angelique Serpent posted thus to the K-list:
At 12:53 PM 09/07/02, Doc Kunda wrote:
>Here is a on topic question for Mystress and those who
>advocate the driving/savior mentality some of us posses
>should be gotten over.
Heh... you did not respond to my previous post, and now you are asking
again? Keep in mind, Doc... I am the list owner, and HeadMystress of a
kundalini tantra school, and a professional healer/spiritual guide, etc. I
am Matriarch of the Tribe of the Fire Serpent, and founder of several
schools of Tummo reiki, some of whom acknowledge me as source and some do
not. I have about 12,000 pages on the web of K. information, including the
list archives. I have some fame as an activist for sexual freedom, and a
reputation for being one of the world's foremost authorities on BDSM
tantra. I've got a stack of testimonials proclaiming me savior teacher
healer up to my neck. I am a Shaman, and if I do not do a certain about of
healing work each month, my own health fails. Typical for genuine Shamans...
I prefer, to be nothing... :)
I know whereof I speak.
You have to get over it, to be any good at it. Hello!! The key, is
owning your selfishness. It is absolutely NOT about what other people need.
That is the illusion to get past, the road to hell of good intentions, the
shadow self of separation. There are no other people! You are all that Is.
Let go off all motives that involve ideas of what other people need.
ALL. Follow your own bliss, own your selfishness. Cherish it. That will
keep the shadow front and center, which is the way to be sure of your motives.
Striving and doing as led seems to be the only
>way of peace and inner harmony. What should I grow and
>evolve to. Will I be just as content and full of magical
>bliss and be able to be a blessing to others equally? Will
>I have purpose, or are you saying that having a purpose is
>the illusion I chase?
If you are happy, people around you are happy. If you think your
purpose is to fix people, soon you will find yourself surrounded by people
who are broken. Your thoughts create your world. Get attached to the
identity of "healer", and you end up projecting "needs to be fixed" onto
people, to have people to "save" so you can fulfill your self described
purpose, instead of seeing them whole and perfect.
If you see them whole and perfect, then Shakti and spirit will produce
miracles that your ego mind "good intentions" could never conceive. The
Boddhisattva vow is a stubborn refusal to see perfection, in order to
continue to incarnate and play savior.
I am too lazy to explain it again, a list search of archives with the
key "road to hell" will give you many essays I've written on the topic. One
for every savior who came to visit, plus many more to get myself unstuck
from savior projections and ego illusions.
I'll offer some bits from Fire Serpent Tantra. <www.fire-serpent.com>
Lesson #40.
>What is "Kundalini psychosis"?
>In the eyes of Goddess, everyone is special unique and perfect. Every snow
>flake, every tree, and every person is completely worthy of unconditional
>love. It doesn't matter to Goddess if you achieve any thing in your life,
>or if you spend your whole life lying on your back and watching the clouds
>go by. She doesn't judge. "Being" is enough, "doing" is of less importance.
>The potential for awakened Kundalini is within everyone. However, not
>everyone's purpose in life is to become awakened. Some people incarnate to
>play the game of duality and separation all the way through without
>looking for an exit, as we are doing. Goddess loves them unconditionally
>and sees them as being every bit as special and unique as She sees those
>of Her children who seek to be reunified with Her again.
>There are many different forms of Kundalini psychosis, but the most common
>form is when awakened people start to believe that they are uniquely
>chosen to fulfill some special mission from God to save the world.
>The world doesn't need saving. Everything is unfolding exactly as it should.
>The world is already perfect, we just don't believe that is. The problems
>we see do not lie with the world, they lie within our perceptions, our
>judgments of imperfection. Once you really see this, you will realize that
>you don't really need to do any thing.
>The road to hell is paved with good intentions.. Good intentions start
>with an attachment to a judgment that something needs to be fixed, sending
>you heading off down the road of the white knight hero Boddhisattva.
>Heroes need victims or they cannot be heroes, so they create victims via
>projections to continue the duality-game... it is not the same as seeing
>perfection in what Is.
>Often very sweet, spiritual people get the idea that we need to work to
>end war and poverty and "Save" everybody. Carl Marx had some sweet ideas
>about this called communism. The result was the horrendous oppressions of
>Stalin and plenty of war and oppression.
>Earth is a Free will zone, a duality school. Christ said, "there will
>always be poor" and Goddess has told me there will always be war..
>territory games and survival of the fittest is just part of the training
>ground of this planet, from amoebas to plants and all the way up the
>circle of life. If you don't think plants war with each other for space,
>sunlight and water, then you have never weeded a garden. If we graduate,
>we get to go some place else. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. Perfection Is.
>However you may want and desire to do things. Some of these wants may come
>from your own negative judgments, in which case they are coming from
>erroneous perceptions, and the perceptions must be cleared before you take
>action.
>Another kind of psychosis occurs when people start going down a strange
>reality tunnel based on a particular vision or idea that they become
>attached to. Particularly when the ego starts to get diminished and
>reality becomes a little more flexible, with miracles popping and unusual,
>unexplainable events occuring. When there is K-fire, the power of beliefs
>to shape reality becomes stronger, in a way, because you have faith backed
>by evidence to know they can.
>Once you have fallen into a belief, reality will provide the evidence to
>make it appear true for you... synchronicities appear, events will be
>interpreted as validation. The beliefs get stronger, become attachments
>and you can grow a whole new ego around a questionable belief and skip off
>to a wonderland of astral dreamworld reality invention before you even
>realize you are getting stuck. That is how people end up selling all their
>worldy goods because armageddon is coming. It happens easily enough, with
>the belief patterns of a single consciousness. In a cult stuation where
>the combined energies of group mind are brought to play.. eeeek!
>The road to Hell is paved with good intentions.
>If you are getting ideas of how you are the chosen one who needs to save
>the world, or that aliens are coming to take us all to another planet, or
>armageddon is scheduled for next week, or your neighbors are casting
>spells on you, or the military conspiracy is out to get you.. it is time
>to get very deeply grounded and surrender *all* beliefs. Give it all up to
>Goddess, detach as much as possible from the new paradigm, before you get
>swept along on a magical mystery tour that is just another ego growing out
>of attachments to a particular belief making a particular illusory reality
>game that you could might get stuck in, and have a harder time getting out of.
>Surrender all of your beliefs and validations about how your consciousness
>is changing the world.. all of the mystique of your own power and
>charisma.. every speck of it that you can find.. and see what Goddess
>gives back... dissolve the idea into the clear light that is nothing.
>Joseph Campbell summed up the meaning of life in three words "Follow your
>Bliss". Jesus said that if you are given a talent, you should not hide it
>under a bucket. Most likely your talents and your Bliss are the same
>thing! Someone else said "do what you love, and the money will follow".
>This essentially means that if you follow your talents and your Bliss,
>Goddess will take care of you like the lilies of the field.
>Everyone has some purpose to their life, if life indeed has any purpose...
>it does not need a purpose, but possibly, before you came in to your body,
>your Spirit had some ideas are about what it wanted to do with this
>lifetime and it selected parents and DNA to make a vessel of
>manifestation. However this purpose most likely has very little to do with
>what "other people need". In the eyes of spirit, there are no other
>people, we are all unified as One. Judgments of what other people need
>created the Spanish Inquisition. They can be very dangerous, because they
>are based on illusions of separation.
>When defining your purpose, it is useful to be very selfish about
>following your Bliss. Now I don't mean selfish in a negative context. I
>don't mean you should be greedy, or trample people and steal from them: in
>the long term that would not create more bliss for you. What I mean is
>that you should get very clear about what activities give you the most
>Bliss, and part of your Bliss might be about helping other people. If not,
>so what?
>I don't believe in selflessness, I think it is an illusion, an ego idea
>that is "the road to hell paved with Good intentions". Burnout and feeling
>used and taken advantage of, is inevitable. Selflessness is an illusion of
>martyrdom that may be fulfilling for certain Christians but more often it
>leads to passive aggressive victim manipulation and guilt tripping. Egad.
>I think Mother Theresa does what she does, *because it makes her feel good
>about herself*, and that is her payment... and it is the same payment with
>any gift or act of charity. To give is better to receive, because it feels
>good to give, and that is what is gotten back as payment for the act of
>giving.
>Self Serving. Enlightened selfishness. Win/win. I have to love myself
>before I have love to give, I have to take the stone from my own eye
>before I can help anyone else.. I have to look out for #1, because
>otherwise I cannot remain strong enough to be generous. I have to pay
>myself, put food on my table before I can feel abundant enough to be
>charitable.
>Three cheers for enlightened selfishness. Anything else is the long slow
>road to burnout... like the farmer who keeps growing crops and does not
>return anything to the soil.. eventually the soil is exhausted, barren.
>Selfishness is honest, it is willing to look at "what's in it for me", and
>if what is gained is a good feeling or a sense of fulfillment, so be it!
>The rule of karmic return does not only apply to others, it applies to
>ourselves, as well. When something is not working for me, I look within,
>to see what I am doing that is manifesting the unwanted result.
>I change the world, by changing within myself. Finger pointing and blame,
>and complaining about what someone else does or did not do, is useless. I
>cannot change what other people do, I can change what *I* do.. and that
>will change how others respond to me. Nobody can control my feelings or
>what I do, but me... or Goddess. If I am blaming someone else for how I
>feel, then I am making them be God for me, giving my power away to them.
>Being a victim instead of a Goddess.
>Mother Teresa did what she did, because it made her feel good about
>herself. She felt good about herself when she was taking care of other
>people, especially people like lepers who are in a great deal of suffering.
>People like Michael Jackson or Whitney Houston love to sing, and would
>continue to sing and make music for themselves even if they did not make
>any money at it. It is their Bliss to sing, what they love to do best in
>the whole world and that passion comes through in the music and that is
>why people buy it. That is the essence of the meaning of follow your Bliss
>and do what you love. If you are happy and fulfilled, then most likely
>other people will be happy around you. Happiness is contagious.
>Many years ago I took a personal development course that spent many days
>analysing all of the major events of my life, positive events and negative
>events to see what I gained from them, what emotional needs I as
>fulfilling. That is one way to discover the basic needs of personality.
>The Buddha says to be Free from need, so I want to clarify this idea by
>noting that there are 2 kinds of needs. There are surface, egoic needs,
>which can be invoked by TV commercials and are often transient, and there
>are Basic needs. Basic needs do not change, even after awakening. They are
>an aspect of your uniqueness. In the nature/nurture debate, it could be
>said that ego needs are nurture, cultural and based on personality, and
>Basic Needs are part of the nature of the individual. Goddess braided your
>DNA to bring forth the unique combination of qualities that are your Basic
>needs.
>Basic needs are formless. One of the teachers in a course said that "life
>is not about happiness, if all you want is happiness then take happy
>pills. Life is about fulfilment. To be fulfilled, you have to know what
>your basic needs are, and find a positive way to get your needs met".
>Another way to say "Follow your Bliss".
>For example, among my needs, is a need to be provocative. A need to get
>reactions from people to validate my existence. This is my bliss, it is
>fulfilling to me. In the course of my life I got this need met in many
>different ways. When I was a comedienne, the audience laughter met my
>need, and when I was a hair stylist I got to change people's self-image,
>which is another way to be provocative.
>Now I'm spiritual teacher, and I sit here writing this essay knowing that
>reading my words will affect you, will change how you think about yourself
>and how you think about the world you live in. "To be provocative" is a
>formless need. The way I meet the need, takes many different forms.
>So in a way, you could say that my motives are selfish. I'm creating this
>course to fulfil my own needs to be provocative.
>To be provocative is not my only need, and not the only need that I
>fulfill by this Creation. It meets many of my basic needs, and the more of
>your basic needs you are meeting at once, the more fulfilling any activity
>will be! I also have a need to be creative, that is being fulfilled by
>creating this essay. I have about a dozen formless basic needs the form
>the core of my individuality, and at least half of them are being
>fulfilled by this Creation. I am doing what I love.
>I am in many ways a completely different person that I was back when I was
>a hair stylist, but this basic need to have an effect and get a reaction
>remains. I could be the Oklahoma bomber, and I would be getting reactions,
>but in a negative way that that would not be good for Karma or nearly so
>fulfilling to me as helping people to awaken to awareness of their own
>infinite Spirit. I have some basic needs, that would not be getting met if
>I became a mad bomber. I also have a need for play! If something does not
>feel playful then I don't want to do it, I am not motivated.
>I do work I do, not because Goddess needs me to save the world from sexual
>repression. That kind of motivation would be psychosis. I do the work I do
>because it makes me happy to see other people becoming happier because
>they have become more accepting of their own sexuality. When I put out
>comes back to me multiplied, that is Cosmic Law. The more happiness I
>spread the more happiness I get back! So, in a way, my motives for doing
>the work I do are entirely selfish. My work is an investment in my own Karma.
>I trust selfish motives a lot more in some ways then I trust selfless
>motives. People tend to burn out on selflessness. If they are not getting
>their are own needs met, then they cannot sustain motivation. Selflessness
>and martyrdom are about "what other people need", which is a negative
>judgment of others. If you see people as vessels of their own Infinite
>spirit, then there is unity, not judgments of "other".
>As the veil of separation that is ego, gets dissolved by the process of
>awakening, the ego gradually merges with the unconscious, and eventually
>the Collective consciousness that is the Unity of Spirit. A side effect of
>this process, is that you become much more aware of your unconscious
>motives. This can be embarrassing, but humility is a spiritual quality.
>Discovering why you do what you do, is a process of peeling the onion.
>Stripping off the egoic needs and getting to the basic needs that come
>from your Spirit.
>Goddess doesn't need you to save the world. That kind of thing is an egoic
>need, to feel like a Hero. A Hero needs victims to save, so Heroes
>unconsciously end up creating victims to fulfill their needs. Like, the
>Witch Burnings. When Hitler was in power, he was a Hero to the Aryans. He
>is still a hero, to some people. Martyrdom is similarly poisonous, it
>takes on the Victim role to project guilt.
>What do you need? To discover your basic needs, take a look at all of the
>major events in your life, positive events and negative events and figure
>out what you are getting out of them. I used to be an actress, and that
>met a need within me for drama in a positive way. At other times of my
>life, that need got met in negative ways. I would unconsciously create
>crisis situations, to fulfil my need for drama. Basic needs that are
>repressed, come up ugly-stained with the judgments of repression. So it is
>very important to get to know your basic needs, and we will be exploring
>that a lot more in the next section of the course.
>I wanted to touch on this topic because it is related to the topic of
>psychosis. If your needs are met, and you are fulfilled, then you will
>find balance, and psychosis is imbalance.
>However I want to remind you that I am not a Psychiatrist. There are
>certainly many people in the world who understand Kundalini psychosis
>better than I do, so I would encourage you to explore the links at the
>bottom of this page to gain a full are understanding of what Kundalini
>psychosis is. The majority of people who become awakened do not become
>psychotic, Goddess wont give you more than you can handle. She may stretch
>your resources, so you can grow, but psychosis tends to be caused by
>resistance to the process. Resistance can take the form of trying to
>"push" yourself into growing, instead of letting the process flow as
>Goddess Wills. If you focus on surrender, trust and love you will have a
>safe and happy Kundalini awakening.
> Lesson 44. The road to hell is paved with good intentions.
>In the world of ego-based Magic, where Chi must be directed by power of
>Free Will, there is a law "For the good of all and harm to none", to make
>sure that intentions are good when doing magic. In that world, it is
>important and it works.
>In the surrender based world of Kundalini, the part of your mind that
>judges good and bad is your ego.. and you are trying to give your Free
>will up to Goddess.. So intentions are usually ego resistance in disguise,
>and it pays to be suspicous of what your ego is up to if you are patting
>yourself on the back about your "good intentions". You are setting
>yourself up to get a spanking from Goddess.
>I realize that may seem confusing, because you are accustomed to thinking
>about your actions and making well thought out choices. But, the part of
>your mind that needs to think to know what to do, is not smart enough to
>make your descisions.
>Good intentions and judgments are all about thinking. Stop thinking with
>your mind and focus on your body. Follow your bliss. If an idea gives you
>goosebumps, makes your panties wet and your heart explode with joy, chase it.
>The Cosmic truth is that Goddess is All that Is.
>Most people are convinced of their helplessness. If they convince you of
>it too, then you lose yourself because you have fallen into their beliefs.
>Moved into their world, their reality. Bought their victim soap and come
>down to that level below the heart where they live, where there are
>winners and losers and victims and evil.
>You fall from Grace. Lose touch with your own Divinity and lose your
>healing magic, your ability to help them see past their limiting beliefs..
>and you have also just become God for them. Responsible for their problems
>and how they feel. Their karma flows to you. You cannot help them, from
>there.. that's why you have to maintain detachment.
>Road to Hell is paved with Good intentions.. if you are trying to figger
>out whether your intentions are good or bad, then you have fallen from
>grace. Good or bad is a judgment. If you are judging then you are not in
>the heart. To get back into the heart, you have to get out of where you
>are now, and it is easiest to do that by balancing the polarities.
>Look for the Road to Hell in all of your Good intentions. The fear behind
>your apparently loving motives. When you see it, you will laugh at
>yourself, and be free. If it's not funny, then exaggerate it and make it
>bigger until it is absurd. Laughter heals.
>I call doing this, "looking in the ugly mirror". It can be painful but not
>doing it is more painful in the long term because the longer you postpone
>looking, the further you go down that Road to Hell.
>I imagine the ugly mirror like a warped funhouse mirror that shows you
>your ugliness. Where your karma is hidden. The mirror will glady show all
>your hidden fears and judgments so you have a chance to love them into
>light. All the things you think you are not so you can love them into unity.
>Get very selfish about following your bliss. Bliss is a navigation system
>that is Goddess' carrot to lead you to where you need to be. Following
>bliss with perfect selfishness will keep you away from the road of "good
>intentions" and steady on the path of grace.
>To find out if your motives really are good, look for your selfishness.
>That may sound wierd in a lower chakra universe, but in a higher Chakra
>universe there is nobody but you, You are All that Is so selfishness makes
>perfect sense and any "good intentions" otherwise will knock you back into
>separation.
>Follow your own bliss and make yourself happy. If you are happy then your
>whole world cheers up because it is all reflection of you. That is Grace.
>Selfishness does not mean being greedy or misery.. both of those emotions
>belong to the lower chakras where there is fear of scarcity. Lack of faith
>in abundance. From a state of Grace kindness and compassion are automatic
>and effortless. It feels good to do it.
Video lesson transcript:
> Sometimes I express things in cliches. I hope you're not getting
> tired of them yet. I'm gonna go expound on another one now. I want to
> explore the idea of that old expression, "The road to hell is paved with
> good intentions." It's a very true expression, and it's one that you can
> almost use as a rule to really keep an eye yourself, because sometimes
> this intention is really true.
>
> A part of this idea is what I call "the ugly mirror". I've spoken a
> little bit before about the idea of "Mirror of All-That-Is": that
> everything you see is yourself reflected back. But I also want to go a
> little bit further into the idea of the Zen polarities. Everything has an
> opposite side. Every light carries a shadow, and so on. And "The road to
> hell is paved with good intentions," really talks about that.
>
> Now, how I want to apply this is for you to realize that quite often
> what look on the surface to be very beautiful good intentions, if you
> look deeper in them, if you look into "the ugly-mirror" of "where is the
> fear here?", that's what you find. You find that they are fear-based
> motives. And it's really the fear-based motives underneath that often
> create the results, not the good intentions that is the little social
> mask they're wearing. It's something to watch out for.
>
> I'll give an example. Say, a mother who is very over-protective of her
> children. She's got a good intention of keeping them safe, protecting
> them and so on. But if you look at that more closely, it means that the
> children are not having the experiences that they need to really mature
> into adults. What that may mean, is in fact that as soon as they're no
> longer under mother's thumb, as soon as they become adults, they're gonna
> go right out and do all of the things that they were forbidden to do before.
>
> It's like the expression, "The biggest sluts are all Catholic girls."
> Well no, they're not necessarily... but the good intentions of wanting to
> repress them like that; what you resist persists, and what is repressed
> sometimes really springs up ugly..
>
> The good intention and the ugly-mirror; the result of the fear that
> tries to protect these girls. When they go against that, when the other
> part of it comes up, it turns out exactly the opposite. They're actually
> much less safe because they've been repressed for so long, and then when
> they're no longer repressed, they spring up even louder and even
> brighter, and all that kind of thing. They haven't learned.
>
> So whenever you get a good intention, you get a really good idea, and
> especially if you want to save somebody or protect somebody, think about
> that. Think about "the ugly-mirror" of your good intentions, and look for
> the fear-based motive behind it. What are you afraid of?
>
> As soon as you look at that, you're gonna get a lot more information
> about why you're really doing what you're doing. And this is important,
> because the good intentions can really carry you off sometimes... and
> they really can be a road to hell, not just for you, but also for the
> people that you're putting them on.
>
> Quite often a good intention is about what somebody else needs. And
> if you're not aware of the fact that they are a reflection of you, it
> gets tangled. You really have to change the world by changing inside of
> yourself. When you do that, you're gonna see the balance of the polarity
> of the good intention and the fear-based motive behind it.
>
> Quite often what you can do is just like a rubber band. You stretch
> it out, its snaps back. Zen is very much like that. If you look at
> something and its polarity, like the expression that "the exception
> proves the rule", or "a rule without an exception is no longer a rule".
> When you take two things that appear to be opposite ideas, and hold them
> in your mind as both equally true, what happens is that they both kind of
> disappear.
>
> Your attachment to them changes, and suddenly you will see a third
> truth that is wiser than either of the two polarities. So, if you take
> the polarity of "I've got to protect my kids, 'coz otherwise they won't
> be safe", and then look at the other polarity of what you're afraid of,
> and what's gonna happen as a result of this overprotectiveness, that's
> just an example of it.
>
> There's the good intentions of being protective, and then there's the
> ugly-mirror of repressing your children out of your own fear.
>
> Not everybody always wants to look into the ugly-mirror. But one
> aspect of this is I find that it' s really really good to get very
> sincere about your selfishness.
>
> Selfishness is human. The highest level of selfishness is "follow
> your bliss", (what Joseph Campbell said). If you're so caught up in your
> good intentions that you're not really looking at your selfishness,
> either you're gonna get very disappointed, or your gonna end up on the
> road to hell.
>
> An example is why I do what I do. Some aspects of my basic need is a
> need to be provocative. I like to poke people; I like to get reactions.
> So when I do work like this, I already know in advance that I'm gonna get
> my reward, and as a result, I can give much more selflessly. I've already
> been taking care of. I already know what I'm getting out of it.
>
> There's not some kind of tenuous, "Oh, will I get my expectations?
> Will I get what I need? Will I get any if that kind of stuff?" Because
> I've already looked into the ugly-mirror of my selfish motives, and I
> know why I do what I do. I'm not deluded with some ideas of saving the
> world, or what other people need.
>
> This course won't be right for some people. It won't be what they
> need. For other people, it will be exactly what they need. I'm doing it
> because I enjoy doing it, and because of that, I'm already paid. It's
> already taken care of, and there is no ugly-mirror reflection of my good
> intentions and how they're gonna trip me up in the future.
>
> The ugly-mirror, the road to hell, they're both the same concept.
> Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Everything you do has
> its polarity. Every idea you hold in your consciousness as true, has its
> opposite.... and with the higher truths, the opposite will be equally true.
>
> Get in the habit of looking for the opposites of any statement that
> you make, to see if the opposite is also true. Because if they are, or if
> you choose to believe them to be true, then these things collapse,
> disappear. They're no longer an attachment. They're no longer a piece of
> ego that you're hanging onto. And you can be Free of it.
>
> It's real simple. Be honest with yourself. When you want to do
> something, look at not only the love, but also at the fear. It's sort of
> how Goddess leads us, it's the carrot of temptation in the front, and a
> little pitchfork poke in your ass, swatting you with a stick of the fear
> moving behind you. That's the navigational system. Take a look at both
> sides of it. Look at the carrot you're chasing after, and also take a
> good long look at the stick swatting your butt, because they're both
> equally important in any action that you make. Old tune: But its alright now. I learned my lesson well. You see you
can't please everybody so ya, got to please your Self."
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