To: K-list
Recieved: 2002/07/01 10:40
Subject: [K-list] K and rec drugs and surrender
From: Laura

Hi folks. I am recovering from a traumatic self-induced mistake even though
there are no mistakes i guess, but sharing it with non-judgemental folks who
might have similar experiences feels comforting, and i need alot of comfort
right now, so feel free to read this trip report if you are interested.

on saturday night i took shrooms and found myself undergoing something akin
to a nuclear explosion in my body/psychology. i could not handle it
physically and psychologically (and i have journeyed a fair amount and been
to some intense places) but this time i was literally on my knees pleading
and screaming for help from divine forces, from God-dess, from ascended
masters, from friends, from anyone's higher self i could think of just to
survive intact. it takes alot for me to ask for help, i am very independent.
i had to call my best friend's partner to drive me to the hospital because
my bodymind could not handle the experience (i am really greatful to him,
but this was really hard on me since i love my best friend so intensely and
being around her partner often hurts alot despite my best surrenduring
attempts, especially when i am high or having K), i wanted them to take care
of my body so that i would be physically safe while i zapped out of
consciousness/control

luckily, just being in the presence of someone sober and tranquil and
experienced who would take me where i needed to be allowed me to let go of
all control of my body, which proceeded to shake and flail and almost
seizure for a couple hours, the relief of letting go of control of my body
and responsibility to stay alive and to trust that my body and friends would
keep me safe through this experience allowed me to avoid hospitalization
afterall, and also trauma...thank god-dess

i have taken psychedelics before and have had some difficult trips but
nothing like this on a sheer physical level. i thought i was wisened to know
my limit and my setting.

i guess that i was wrong.
i keep forgetting that i have active k and am changing.
i start feeling good, think i am strong enough, and then get kicked in the
ass.

mostly, i am trying to not put a negative judgement on what happened, or to
blame myself for being stupid, and accept that there might have been
something highly therapeutic and educative in being forced into such intense
surrender like a baby being born with no control over movement.

thank you for letting me share my story with you.

i am glad to be alive and not in a psych ward right now.

love,
laura

http://www.kundalini-gateway.org
http://www.domin8rex.com/serpent/spirit/kindex.htm

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