Kundalini Gateway Email List Archives

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To: K-list
Recieved: 2002/06/07 15:03
Subject: Re: [K-list] Lies striking back now part 2
From: A.S.A.

On 2002/06/07 15:03, A.S.A.posted thus to the K-list:

Actually at the time this happened, Nothing mattered to me..
 The drugs kept me "alive" for short periods of time.. Heh, I didnt want to think about how to get out of the mess I created for myself.. About in january-february I attempted suicide, didnt see another way out then, and didnt want to take responsability for myself, didnt have the strenght yet..

I survived, and after that I asked myself a question.. ego-death or physical death? And I reminded myself of that there is no escape, gotta take my responsability sooner or later. Maybe you can guess what my choice was.. ;)
 Have been in psychotic episodes and depression, since the mirror got bigger and bigger and uglier and uglier.. but have not been to any psychologist, and didnt want to get any help from medicines, since that is all illusion.. No more lies, I said.
 It is really kewl to look back now, cause I didnt see myself as neither depressed or psychotic, but now I realized I was.. I thought it was pure bliss just to be able to look at everything from the directors chair.. Although my brain and body have had a really tough time with self-healing and detox..
I Have really been working withmyself on all planes to get where I am today.. I'm eternally grateful for the strenght I have been given to go through this.. and I am thankful for having the opportunity to communicate on this list.. :)

Goodnight folks,
A.S.A.

 

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