To: K-list
Recieved: 2002/05/28 18:37
Subject: Re: [K-list] Inquiring mind would like to know
From: Mystress Angelique Serpent
On 2002/05/28 18:37, Mystress Angelique Serpent posted thus to the K-list:
At 01:07 PM 28/05/02, Jill Jones wrote:
>Yes, I feel like the road is impossible or too difficult. Exactly so.
You bet. My guides told me "Not for nothing will this be the hardest
thing you have ever done!" Yeppers! Glad I did it tho. Not that I had much
choice, it seemed... :)
> The words I read and hear about the experiences of others and the things
> they went through (or didn't, having been in some way blessed by the
> unexpected events) seem very far away from my frame of experience. I
> have an analytical mind, and have actually come a long way in the quest
> for faith, in spite of it. I've had a few synchronicities that I can't
> deny, and once or twice, i've felt touched by the hand of god.
Very cool.
>But then it comes back to discontentment. I don't know if I forget, or if
>it's just a cyclical thing, or what it is. At the same time I think I
>have gotten somewhere, I feel I have gotten nowhere. At the same time I
>think I am perfect, I think I am hopelessly flawed, and am dreadfully
>afraid someone else will notice. Paradox. The fuel of the universe. Or
>so I've heard.
Yes, fabulous. Lovely paradoxes, and being able to hold two sides of a
paradox in mind and agree with both, is an attainment. To find the middle
path, you have to know where the edges are. Paradoxes define polarities,
and point to a middle path.
All you say is true. Your spirit sees only your perfection, your ego
looks for flaws. Your ego thinks of attainments, but your Spirit knows that
time and space do not exist, there is nowhere to go, nothing to do but Be.
This is normal and natural.
All good.
>One of my synchronicities involves the entire group issue. According to
>my experience, what you say is exactly true. I am not meant to be a
>member of a "group."
Being a member of a group is inevitable. Work groups, family groups,
email lists, acquaintances, neighbors. Welcome to the K-list.
> However, I am absolutely the most pathetic at meditation. Sure, i sat
> down for 30 minutes a day for more than a year. at the end of the year,
> i was still sitting there with my mind running rampant without me paying
> it the least attention. frustrating.
heh. There are many ways to meditate. Amazing that you persisted so
long in one that was not working for you. You must have been getting
something out of it!
>What is overwhelming me is that there is too much to choose from. Too
>many different ways, too many different techniques. I don't know which
>one is "mine", and i *haven't the discipline* to try them long enough or
>to study them deeply enough to really find out. It all feels wrong, and I
>don't want to do it.
If it feels wrong and you don't want to do it, then it is not for you.
Simple.
Who told you that you had to be a follower?
> I live in the boondocks in sweden, and so have very little chance of
> finding a K-type teacher who could give shaktipat.
Pfft. Nonsense. Knock and the door shall be opened.
Shakti transcends time and space, and there are a number of Shaktipat
Masters on this list, including myself, who grant Shaktipat over distance.
I am in Vancouver. Last week I was called to grant a full awakening to
someone in Brussels and someone else in .. I dunno where, he called me! USA
someplace. Those were professional sessions, but I also called a chat party
and did some Shaktipat and blockage clearing with list members, and I am
told I attended several Light worker sessions in the Netherlands. ;) There
is also the Grounding site, a fountain of Shakti for any who thirst. Not so
powerful in some ways as getting it from me in person, but your experience
of it depends on your receptivity. Millions served! LOL!
URL below.
> I have longed for an awakened K since the first time I read about
> it. Mine may be partially active, but if so, it is miniscule.
>
>Finally, "making it" to me means being permanently and consciously
>non-stop in contact with creator and oneness. Joy and bliss. All of that
>good stuff you read about. Yes sure, there will still be problems, but
>when you have that reservoir to draw on (i can imagine it, even if i've
>never experienced it) then all problems are solvable, and none of them
>disturb the contentment with existence.
If that is all you want, take drugs...
heh, kidding... kind of... that can be a path, too.
Sounds to me like you awakening is progressing fine, you are just
giving away energy to discontent because you are comparing it unfavorably
to other folks process. Why do that? There is no "keeping up with the
Joneses" with K.
>At times when I am not feeling low, my faith is strong, and I am
>moderately content. I feel like a large part of our existence is to give
>the experiences we gather with our minds and senses to creator,
Yes! Surrender.
>so that creator can experience creation, through us.
What? Backwards, I think...
Creator always always experiences every aspect of creation whether you
surrender or not. Always there, always present, watching through your eyes
even if you are deep in a self pity partly complaining about feeling empty.
Experiencing all, judging none. Goddess loves to experience pity parties as
much as peak experiences. You are the one who experiences the separation.
It is only that when you are focused on separation and discontent, that
you lose awareness of that presence. Seems like creator has left, but
actually it is you who have created separation. It is the original game of
peek a boo... See Mothers face, then it is hidden and the baby cries
because she is gone... but never gone, only the Face is hidden by the
Hands. Your hands, your choices of what to look at, feel, believe.
By surrendering, you get to experience awareness of the Presence,
experience of being Creator. I AM That. You are practicing surrender. That
is your path, and it is perfection. What makes you think you need more?
> Some of the time, this seems like enough. Other times I feel achingly
> empty, and angry that there are so many ways to go. . .
If you want joy, find things to be joyful about. Nobody can do that for
you. Your divine Power of Free will is about what you choose to nourish
with your attention.
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