To: K-list
Recieved: 2002/05/22 22:22
Subject: Re: [K-list] Digest Number 1013
From: Soitpp
On 2002/05/22 22:22, Soitpp posted thus to the K-list:
In a message dated 5/22/02 9:41:46 PM Mountain Daylight Time,
K-list writes:
> Creativity comes when the light and the dark meet, it is part of the
> duality world. Necessity the mother of invention... it comes of need.
>
I am a musician,,... creativity comes for me at those high vibration points..
when I am clear enough, I simply sing from my heart, without any thought
whatsoever, the words just come, in fact, that's the only way I sing.. no
thought involved.. in my highest moments I am channelling music, such as
when I'm sitting at my synthesizer.. breaking it down,..
> Someone wisely said of artists, that nobody becomes an artist because
> they want to, a true artist does it because they have no other option.
heh, yeah..
> Slave to the Muse, be creative or burst.
not a slave, my true self is the muse, the other "me" I'd rather not even
acknowledge as me or anything, that always bothered me, the seperation
between the me and the muse, bothered me since the first time the concept hit
my ears, I didn't like thinking the real me wasn't the muse, I insisted THAT
is the REAL me, peeking through, this other me is garbage
> Being creative in duality-space has its enjoyable aspects, good to
> get things done and interact... be a human doing... but the bliss and
> peace of being silent nothing always pulls me back. It is Home. I know when
>
> I am not at home because there is sometimes a little twinge of lonely
> homesickness in between the busyness of doing that keeps me distracted.
why not stay there and be and do from there... I have strayed back and forth
from my non duality to duality, and my final conclusion was that I decided I
will bring them together into one and that will be my ultimate goal, and
ultimately it will transform my life into a constant miracle of syncronicity
and beauty, and that the entire earth in time will be so, I choose to relate
to the earth around me, because in anything else I am feeble and lifeless.. I
just can't exist until I know the entire universe is as my heart dreams it,
> I have a committment to write FST2 (among other things) that has pulled
> me back into duality space. To write FST1 I had to deliberately construct a
>
> teacher-ego and create separation in myself, to be motivated to explain
> reality and reach out. There had to be separation to have motive for
> action, to even have a desire to attempt to create a path for seekers.
>
it's like you told me in the chat room "This IS pedantic"... I don't see
things that way... I am all about abstractions, 100% abstractions, emotions,
"moral of the story" 's constantly.. but that's because that's how I like
it.. I choose it .. my ultimate moral of the story is yet to be revealed, I
love my life
> but to stay home all the time seems selfish and escapist. I
> am here to have a body and do stuff.
are you saying you do it out of guilttt??
> to go out again later when there is some desire for doing, someone knocking
> on the door of my silence asking me to act.
someone knocking on your door is reflection, everything is reflection, you
know you wouldn't just shut the door on them, that isn't communicative or
purposeful,..
> My focus for the past few years has been on finding a true middle
> path... passionate detachment. In the world but not of it, seeing that it
> is a game and playing full out, fearless. In may ways I feel I have not
> mastered it yet...>> I still have caution and do not feel fully at "home" in
>> duality.
>
that's what my music is all about! I couldn't have said it better
> I still have caution and do not feel fully at "home" in
> duality.
it isn't going to stay dualistic forever, the marriage of heaven and earth is
eminent,.. Goddess put me in front of the tube to witness Eminem and Elton
John goofing off together.. I don't ever watch tv on purpose, for the most
part, She always manages to sit my ass right in front of the tube for those
pivotal moments
> Perhaps there is no middle path between being and doing, only a pendulum
> swinging in a smaller and smaller pattern, as the process continues. A sine
>
> wave reduced from a mountain range to a ripple on the surface of a pond.
>
Oh mighty day of peace, I think not on thee, never never
> that is a beautiful breakthrough, Asa. When you can give love to pain,
> it changes... turns to bliss.
>
I never seek pain, but I love it when it arrives,.. it is the bounty of life,
I always feel proud of myself after falling on my ass off my skateboard,..
but then I must remind myself, the goal isn't to fall and feel proud I took
some blows, the goal is to have fun, .. to experience the joy of kenetic
power and motion,.. the pride is at most a distraction from that true bliss
and joy of mindless fun.. skateboarding is like life itself.. you fall, but
that's not the goal of skating, it's not the reason you skate, the goal is to
have fun, if you can call that a goal, falling is the bounty of skating, if
you did not fall, it wouldn't be fun, but it is not wise to contemplate
skating without falling, because it is not wise to contemplate that which
does not exist, because skating, and falling, are ONE, not two, they are
indeed ONE, skating exists because of gravity in the first place, it exists
because of the fall, and the fall exists because of it, they are one
When I get rough and roudy, I tend to damage, others.. myself..
Someone once said I might have a thing for violence? Sure, I do. It's the
same thing that makes me smoke weed till my lungs wheez. It's a love for
destruction. And it destroys me, my body, my livlihood.. destruction tends to
be destructive. I might revel in the beautimous fall of my life before me but
ultimately I decided that creativity is a better form of destruction.. and
will ultimately lead to more enthralling abstractions... I decided the love
for destruction was the same love for all experience, it was only a love for
something that would ultimately destroy me, logic dictated this was a dead
end route, regardless of it's "fun" it would ultimately lead to nothing and I
would miss out on those more enthralling abstract experiences of wholeness..
the destruction could be equally as abstract and intriguing, it was, because
life cannot not be intriguing, it was the same life... so I knew I wasn't
missing out on anything by taking the high road, but in fact was gaining more
for it, because it would not end in obvlivion, the life of destruction lost
it's water, it had gained it intrigue from something that died, yet I
continue to be in love with delerium.. Delerium should never leave me, yet
instead of putting life in my pipe and smoking it.. I choose to let it grow..
let it grow.. I can do that.. life is delicate.. I am the gardener,
my most cherished moments I cannot truly be shared, they will not be shared
less I cultivate the garden to where those spirits are at home, then I will
find myself amongst an entire kingdom of faerie,.. then no longer will I be
estranged,.. lost on a deserted island in my delight.. only hearing the
beautiful music of the kingdom from afar, but not actually being there but in
my emotions.. when I listen to something so beautiful, Autechre, Peel
Sessions 2, Track III ... I was listening last week... by the time it got
to the end of the track.. oooooooooo... I could just cry, I wanted to be
there to bad, but I am there, in a place so beautiful, it is only my
responsibility to create that life for myself,.. only I can do it for me,..
at times it feels as tho it were miles apart.. like the stars.. but it is
truly so close, all I have to do is let go.. easier said than done.. but I'm
getting closer, the evidence in my life shows me so
on that note, I would like to say that the above is mostly nonsense, but
still my best attempt to share the magic of my life with the list, the best I
can do for now I suppose, i'll just keep on doing it, it's my delight to
share my insights and loves and passions with the world, it's what makes me
feel whole again, to create the world of my dreams through sharing, this is
why I've had a lust for music since I could breath
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