To: K-list
Recieved: 2002/05/22 14:21
Subject: Re: [K-list] Wanting
From: Mystress Angelique Serpent
On 2002/05/22 14:21, Mystress Angelique Serpent posted thus to the K-list:
At 12:08 PM 20/05/02, lillianferracone wrote:
>Hi, Abraham Maslow (humanistic psychologist) said that the highest form of
>creativity is no creativity. I guess that means enjoying the present and
>stop continuously pushing. In other words, letting things happen and then
>respond to what is happening. Lillian
or not needing to respond at all.
What Abraham says, is true in my experience... although I have a
slightly different interpretation of what it means. Not a guess, but
experiential understanding that has come of many years observation.
When I am in a very high vibration state, creativity and motivation for
creativity totally disappears. Stuff just is, perfect and there is nothing
to be done or changed. Sit on my ass under the Boddhi tree blissing out at
the beauty of it All.
Creativity comes when the light and the dark meet, it is part of the
duality world. Necessity the mother of invention... it comes of need.
I have... ha!
A private ironic joke that comes up for me when people write to warmly
thank me for posting. It is pleasant to be appreciated but there is no
chance of the compliments building up my ego. I kind of shake my head
because what I see is so different...
What I know that they do not, is that my posting to the list is a sign
that my vibration has fallen a little lower than I like to keep it. There
is karma processing inside somewhere, alchemy of transmutation that makes
creative energy that must be expressed, changed into art of writing, or
some other creative outlet. I am doing instead of Being.
Someone wisely said of artists, that nobody becomes an artist because
they want to, a true artist does it because they have no other option.
Slave to the Muse, be creative or burst. Necessity of art therapy as a full
time activity. Shakti loves creativity! She appears, when there is work to
do, something to be cleared. She demands her outlets, and either I give her
some art product or the energy will go into creating un-necessary drama as
it takes shape and form from stray thoughts.
I am so aware of this, .. of what Maslow refers to, that I will
sometimes deliberately lower my vibe when I need to get things done. When
there is wanting to get things done, it is a sign of a lowering of
vibration so I guess it is a chicken and egg thing? Mostly it is
uncompleted committments left over from my days of wanting, that draw me
back to duality-space.. or attaching to some creative impulse. Happens over
and over... my remaining karma I guess, or some forgotten Boddhisattva vow.
My husband finds me more fun when I am active in the world. So do some
listmembers... When I come back people tell me that they missed me, and I
wonder what there was to miss? What something in the nothing are they
attached to? I never get lonely in nonduality. Only when I have descended
back to duality, do I feel a need to reach out to the illusions of other.
In nonduality, I am them and there is no need to speak. It is the
difference between loving, and being love. For loving, there has to be an
"other" to send love to. So, do you see the irony?
I just accept myself for where I am at, in my orbit. A time for all
things. Being creative in duality-space has its enjoyable aspects, good to
get things done and interact... be a human doing... but the bliss and
peace of being silent nothing always pulls me back. It is Home. I know when
I am not at home because there is sometimes a little twinge of lonely
homesickness in between the busyness of doing that keeps me distracted. All
this Shakti fire, it is a full time job releasing it, when duality has it
flaming. Putting it into things, art, writing, people, plants, food... I am
in a phase of doing, and the body is appreciating the excercise.
In the physical, I work from home. My desk and telephones are in my
dining room, along with a comfy couch for clients. In the metaphysical, I
leave home to go to work. Leave the peace and silence to interact with the
illusion game of those who feel they are in need. Leave the space of
nothing to become a something, a somebody. A doing instead of a being.
Doing webdesign, writing books, course and emails, tending my students and
Tribe, sewing weird clothes, gardening, cooking fabulous feasts and making
cement mud pies.
I can measure the duality I am processing by how much I got done this
past long weekend. Heh, a short list. Made funky new curtains for the
bathroom. Did more work on the process of removing moss from the lawn and
bringing wheelbarrow loads of dirt from the back garden to cover the holes.
Entertained friends at home, entertained myself with space channel's Lexx
and Zena marathons + X-files final episode, twice. Cleared and scrubbed the
back deck with dish soap and a corn broom. (Palmolive.. soft on hands,
washes more decks!) took apart the parade chariot I built back in 1995 to
go in the gay pride parade. As much as it could be taken apart... Sheesh, I
built it strong enough to carry a piano! Rusted screws cannot be removed,
and the hardware was way overboard.
Won many games of Mah Jonng solitaire. Rearranged and cleaned my art
studio, wrote several posts, cooked some interesting food, wrote to my
students, held 2 chat parties, with very kewl rituals and stuff... did some
laundry, including prewashing some fabric for a new skirt I see in my mind
and partly designed before I remembered what happened when I made overalls
of it without prewashing... oops. They shrank a lot! I will create a floor
length skirt, of this heavy tapestry upholstery fabric with a pattern of
flowers. Very medieval-goth.
I have a committment to write FST2 (among other things) that has pulled
me back into duality space. To write FST1 I had to deliberately construct a
teacher-ego and create separation in myself, to be motivated to explain
reality and reach out. There had to be separation to have motive for
action, to even have a desire to attempt to create a path for seekers.
The ego construct got unweildy and became almost as troublesome to let
go of, as the original ego was, when its time as up so I decided not to do
it again for FST2. Just Goddess has it handled. If She wants FST2
manifested then She can put me into a place to do it and provide the
inspiration.
So, what comes? All these topics on the list that directly relate to
essays I'd been intending to write, anyhow... coming when I am in a dualist
state to want the creative outlet. Handled...
At a higher vibration, stuff just Is and I feel no need to explain
anything. At a higher vibration, I know Goddess has it handled and there is
no need for me to act or speak or teach. Goddess is everyone and on a soul
level they already know everything just as I do... and if Goddess wants to
play at not-knowing, then She can. It is all perfection. Duality and non
duality. Whether we play the game, or even know it is a game, does not matter.
So why do it? I know, what motivated me to descend again, the first
time. I have a doubt that the purpose of my incarnating, is to sit on my
ass under the boddhi tree blissing out for the rest of my life. I love it,
it is home... but to stay home all the time seems selfish and escapist. I
am here to have a body and do stuff.
That is my orbit. Getting homesick for the bliss and going home, only
to go out again later when there is some desire for doing, someone knocking
on the door of my silence asking me to act. Unconditional love is being.
The root of compassion is PASSION and there is bliss in nonduality, but not
passion.
My focus for the past few years has been on finding a true middle
path... passionate detachment. In the world but not of it, seeing that it
is a game and playing full out, fearless. In may ways I feel I have not
mastered it yet... I still have caution and do not feel fully at "home" in
duality.
Yet... at the same time, this post kind of validates the attainment. I
am in duality, doing, explaining and being creative, while not forgetting
"this too, shall pass." Knowing that a return to nonduality is a shift of
thought away.
Perhaps there is no middle path between being and doing, only a pendulum
swinging in a smaller and smaller pattern, as the process continues. A sine
wave reduced from a mountain range to a ripple on the surface of a pond.
Blessings...
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