To: K-list
Recieved: 2002/05/17 16:56
Subject: Re: [K-list] Digest Number 1002
From: Soitpp
On 2002/05/17 16:56, Soitpp posted thus to the K-list:
In a message dated 5/17/02 2:47:55 PM Mountain Daylight Time,
K-list writes:
> >I am turning those things which I see and feel into things which are
> talking
> for me.
yeah me too, cept I have to be careful not to let it get out of hand.. I
started getting negative messages because I began giving my power away to the
sync's instead of keeping my focus centered in myself.. I think after that
great post to Laura Mystress has designated a new chakra for me to pay
attention to .. it used to be all heart.. I think I'm going to start paying
more attention to my power chakra now.. what she said made sense.. got to
respect the laws of each chakra.
>
> "Life isn't a beautiful balance, it is a chaotic miracle"
>
great quote! Chaos is balance!
> I have yet to astral project, although I
> would love to do it.
I haven't astral projected yet either Keith and I've been feeling kiryas
since Nov. 2000.. I've been out of my body,.. but only one time! (actually,
twice, the first time was May 5, 2000 ..) It happened during my sleep, in the
morning, right before I was about to wake up. I saw Scully (Skully) from X
Files.. she said " Do you want me to show you myself? " I said yes, .. she
started this giant blender machine.. then I had one of the most beautiful
visions I ever had, I felt this machine turning, it began slowly at first,
and I heard a woman crying.. the most awful crying.. so full of pain as if
her entire family had just been slaughtered.. as the machine spun faster her
crying turns into wails, which turned into screaming I cannot describe, it
was the purest satanic energy I ever felt, only cannibal corpse comes close,
I was gazing at the side of the machine as blood started spattering across
the side of it, it was like the machine was grinding scully's flesh. The
experience quickly grew very intense until the whole scenario seemed like it
was getting out of control, I was leaving my body, consciously in the
background I heard the wind begin to blow really hard outside,... I got
freaked out took control and forced myself back into my body, I could feel
myself push back into my arms, it was a strange sensation.. I tried to play
it cool immediately saying in a stoic voice "Well! That was.. interesting." I
wasn't frightened by my experience, a I enjoyed very much and I was
dissapointed I had to return to mundane life again, feh. Although of course
*while* it was happening there was no way I was gunna not get freaked out.
Well, that's the whole point I suppose, transform the mundane into the
magickal.
Other times I have *nearly* come out of my body,.. simply by
surrendering..such as the experience I had May 5, 2000 (although that one was
uniquely special, it was my first, and there was much less fear involved, and
ended with a vision of Jesus, it was my official initiation into true
mysticism, at least that's how I saw it). My desire to find answers was still
very novel in those days. Ever since then it's just been a hard spiritual
cram. When I perform such meditations I surrender and surrender until I come
to the very very edge of my consciousness where if I surrender anymore I'll
be completely surrendered, leap off the edge into the unknown and I dont'
know what'll happen next.. mostly I'm afraid I'll lose my mind.. which I
suppose is exactly what it means to leap off.. you are *losing* your mind
because you're surrendering it. In those instances I start to become nothing
but my heart,.. meaning mostly all of me becomes heavy and numb and my heart
starts to pound pound pound.. it gets intense and I get scared.. I steer
myself back to reality every time. I've done that 3 times now. That's why I
don't do it anymore. I know I'll just go to the edge and be to afraid to go
beyond the beyond. I believe I should find a guru who's been there before
before I do anything like that. *sigh* and before I be finding any guru's I
think I've got to find some more stability in my physical life.. such as a
stable income (heh, or any income) and such. I don't want to end up like the
over eager apprentice..
http://www.kundalini-gateway.org
http://www.domin8rex.com/serpent/spirit/kindex.htm
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