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To: K-list
Recieved: 2002/05/17 02:08
Subject: [K-list] Do I matter
From: Charles Portugal

On 2002/05/17 02:08, Charles Portugal posted thus to the K-list:

I dont want to write for long cos Ive been sitting at my desk since 5.30 this morning
trying to understand myself!!! Talking to my friend and writing emails to you! Ive come to the
conclusion that Ive been stuck with the idea that 'I dont matter'... its a big realisation
for me and has its roots in all sorts of places, some esoteric and some just plain judgemental.
To name a few:
My parents never made me feel like I mattered.
My parents seem to think they matter more than others.
Ive never been able to accept compliments, presents,........ LOVE.
How can 'I' matter???? Who am 'I'
I really dont know who this 'I' is!
I never have.
I dont know what my aspirations are and never have.
I know what moves me..... to see Love.... but to feel it scares me.
I feel a bit lost but I suppose thats the place where I can start to find myself.
I dont identify with separation between people, yet I feel lonely and always have.
I push people away who offer me love... who show that they care about me.
I can see it all now.... and I dont know what to do about it.
How does this relate to the chakras model?
I really feel disconnected from me.
How do I connect with me?
Charles


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