To: K-list
Recieved: 2002/05/06 07:01
Subject: Re: [K-list] Digest Number 982
From: Shellelr
On 2002/05/06 07:01, Shellelr posted thus to the K-list:
In a message dated 5/6/2002 3:04:22 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
K-list writes:
> What sort of child were you?
>
My mother says I was very shy and very serious when playing with other
children. I remember this shyness being painful and causing me not to
participate often. The shyness has persisted throughout my life, and I can
be a real hermit, but I push it away so I can function in the world.
At home as a child, I did "shows" for my parents. My mom wrote in my baby
book when I was three "has theatrical tendencies." I also remember, at
three, sitting in the TV room of our tiny house in a tiny town in Arkansas in
the early 60s, watching the 5:00 news from a nearby small town. And I
remember very clearly, at that tender age, thinking that this was a very
small and provincial place that I lived in. I remember feeling very bored
and dissatisfied with it in some way. This was with no prior experience or
awareness of big cities or wordly excitement. We lived on a dirt road and I
played everyday with a little boy who had chickens! I have always wondered
how I could have felt that.
I memorized things well and was made to recite the story of Jesus' birth from
the bible at my grandparents' Christmas parties.
As an older child (10 or 11), I had obsessions with Joan of Arc and the Salem
Witch Trials and the Burning Times. Did a lot of reading on these subjects.
Also Sybil Leek and other witchy-type people. Later became obsessed with the
subjects of execution, Jack the Ripper, famous horrible murders (Manson,
etc.) and the Holocaust. I now have some understanding of why I may have had
some of these particular obsessions, but I won't go into it all in great
detail here! Some of it feels particularly personal, like maybe I actually
lived something like it or related to it in some way, and some of the
horrible hard-to-look-at stuff, I think, was me trying to jar myself awake.
Here's what I mean: I had an experience a year ago of extremely deep and
painful compassion for a particular person's suffering that led to a big
opening for me and I now have this belief that this is what we are
"subconsciously" trying to do culturally with horror movies and terrible news
stories. We are constantly striving to awaken our compassion, which can lead
to deeper awakening. If this makes sense.
Anyway, I will stop here. I had a childhood full of familial pain and some
joys. I always had a feeling that I was different and that something "big"
was going to happen to me as an adult. I became a theater major in college
and thought then that the "big" something would be acting fame. Now I think
it was/may be something else.
thank you for listening,
Shelle
http://www.kundalini-gateway.org
http://www.domin8rex.com/serpent/spirit/kindex.htm
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