To: K-list
Recieved: 2002/03/29 20:34
Subject: Re: [K-list] Love
From: Ben Grass
On 2002/03/29 20:34, Ben Grass posted thus to the K-list:
maybe we can try to reach people no matter where they
are
if we can open enough the other person and give them
the chance to be with us
but so much of the time its time to move on, it
seems...
--- SoitPPATnospamaol.com wrote:
>
In a message dated 3/29/02 9:09:01 AM Mountain
> Standard Time,
> K-list writes:
>
>
> > . I keep having this nagging realization that I
> need to leave my husband and
> > it breaks my heart because as I pull away and try
> on possibility, he
> > attempts to do more and more to accomodate me.
>
> it was the same for me,.. I felt I was merely doing
> my girlfriend a
> disservice by putting her in a situation where she
> herself could do nothing
> but try to change herself to accomodate me, which I
> would say is not what she
> wanted, but again, me opening my big mouth only
> caused her to try and try
> harder to change herself
>
>
>
> > I still feel however that I can't grow in the ways
> I need to when he is
> > energetically clutching at me.
>
> that's the biggest part, that's the part that will
> not do.
> I cannot accomodate her energetic clutching needs,
> .. I simply cannot be what
> I am not.. my silence eventually broke us apart.. in
> the end I didn't have to
> say anything.. she knew "it was over".. to her it
> had to seem, like only one
> thing.. "she wasn't good enough" and me.. I simply
> had to shut my mouth. The
> more I said the more chaos I would cause. If I tried
> to tell her she was good
> enough, then why didn't I want to be with her, the
> way she wanted me to? But
> it's over now. I can accept that and move on. And
> learning lessons myself. I
> put up a fight to the very end. In the end my worse
> fear was that I was doing
> the wrong thing. After the same issues of clutching
> occured I could see
> clearly that I could not be pigeon holed into the
> role she needed for a fair
> relationship and still be truthful to my spiritual
> path. Our break up in the
> end came without any words, .. I merely stopped re
> acting to her needs for
> clutching,.. and after having been through the same
> cycle so many times.. she
> let go.. and it was over.
>
>
>
> > . I feel like since I have been with him I have
> shut myself down to a lot of
> > that. I also feel like I have been waiting for him
> to catch up to me. (I
> > don't mean this in an arrogant way. He feels it
> too. I am quite a bit
> > younger then him and was born into the world with
> awarenesses that he has
> > waited forty years to recieve.) I tend to move
> faster then him and I am
> > open and ready for more then he is willing to play
> with. I feel unsatisfied
> > with his inability to meet me where I am.
> >
>
> I know that feeling.
>
>
>
> > I wonder about the love of Kali (a destroyer and
> creator goddess) and feel
> > like somehow I have agreed to play this role in
> our union. However, I am so
> > reluctant to let go. I feel two faced waiting for
> the right time for me to
> > let go while he feels me withdraw.
> > I feel two faced telling him that I love him when
> I am thinking of what I
> > will do when I leave. The truth is that I do love
> him with all my heart. I
> > guess love just isn't looking the way I planned.
> > Aaargh, what a journey.
>
> Guess we're in the same boat. You tried to tell me
> Isis but I wasn't ready to
> listen until it happened to me. Until it was truly
> over. I'll always love
> her. She is so precious to me as a person. But she
> doesn't understand that
> kind of perspective quite yet. Perhaps I will see
> her again if our paths
> cross. I believe they will.
> Peace,
> ~Aaron
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been
> removed]
>
>
=====
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