To: K-list
Recieved: 2002/02/16 19:36
Subject: [K-list] A little bit about me
From: Mandra Azária

Hi!

I wrote a long answer to Holly yesterday, and told her a lot about my problems. It didn't reached the list because I didn't know how to reply. Then I erased the mail. Silly me. So now I make a new try. So you all can see where I came from and where I stay today. And why I'm not totally agree that the K-energy is worth all the trouble.

And maybe there is someone among you, that could be of help for me in handle my problems.I will try to respond to your mails after this one.

I've got my awakening of smoking pot, 21 years ago. It was a big ordeal but, as your replies says, you can go trough it and overcome them and come out stronger on the other side. That is, if the problems are of spiritual or emotionel nature. And mine was that for the first years. Panic-attacks, hallucinations and stuff like that. I've learned to handle that rather quickly.

Then two year efter my firt outburst, I started to meditate, TM. I thought it would make me feel better. Boy, was I wrong. After 6 mounth of that I slowly started to develop other symptoms, more of a bodily art. And them I have found much more difficulties to deal with.

After several year, about 10, after the first outburst I was in so bad shape that I was almost dead, and had to stop working. This was in 1990 and I still not work afer 12 year.

I will tell you briefly about my bodily problems.

I have lots of cramps in my legs during nighttime, wich prevent me from sleeping. I haven't slept normal for over 20 year. The last 12-13 years I haven't slept at all during nights without sleepingpills. For the last couple of years I haven't eating them so much, wich means that I must sleep during daytime. (You can all imagen what that does to my social life.)

I have problems with walking. Round -90 it was so bad that I couldn't walk 25 meter sometimes. That is better now, but I still has problems and I can't run (or ride a horse or dance wich I love to do).

I had fever for four years, the whole time, during 90-94. That is much better now. But it's hard during summertime, when it's to hot.

I have big problems with my menses. Taking medication for that and I'm better now.

Have really high bloodpressure, still have, 220/160. Taking medication for that too, of course.

During 89-93 my metabolism was so high that I nearly strarved to death. The body didn't kept a bit. I had to drug it down in order to force it to take up some food. This problems is much better now.

There are many other things that seems to run on high-speed. And there is nothing I can do to "turn it off".

Is here someone who knows how?

So, okey, you can deal with your emotionel problems you can get from K and the spiritual. None of them will kill you - but the bodily can. So - no - it's not worth it! ;-)

B&B Mandra

There are no short cuts to any place worth going.

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