To: K-list
Recieved: 2002/02/06 04:31
Subject: [K-list] Re: suicide stuff
From: lionessbleu1
On 2002/02/06 04:31, lionessbleu1 posted thus to the K-list:
I forgot to send this post out. I don't think it is too late to do so.
--- In Kundalini-GatewayATnospamy..., "marraskuu1978" <marraskuu1978ATnospamy...> wrote:
> Thank you to all who replied to my troubled message!
>
> I particularly admired the responses by lionessbleu and godchild.
>
> So perhaps belief in God and spirituality is a solution!
>
> In a way, I am so envious that your commitment to your religion
> brings you so much hope and joy. Despite all the horrible things in
> life, you seem to be happy and not depressed. I wish I was internally > capable of believing in God in the way you do.
I must emphasize and my closest associates will testify I am not religious in one iota. In fact, I may be religion's biggest irritant cause I am deeply cynical.
The truth is you don't have to believe in God to be happy. You have to want to be happy. Maybe you think you do but do you know what being happy looks like? Take a moment and describe to yourself what a happy moment would feel and be in experience to yourself. Do not describe this happy moment by describing it in the absence of negative terms. In other words, "I am happy when I am not feeling so lonely". Happiness is not described by the absence of painful manifestations. The absence of negative feelings is just neutrality...this has nothing to do with happiness. Happiness is not the absence of depression.
My feeling about you is you don't know what genuine happiness is.
>
> You have helped me understand that my soul is indeed completely
> starved. I have completely neglected my spiritual side. Yet that is
> difficult for me, because I am an intelligent and questioning person.
So what you are saying is an intelligent and questioning nature is incompatible with spirituality? I disagree for some of the most highly intelligent and curious people I have met and in this world are devoutly spiritual.
Throw away your limitations on happiness and fulfillment.
>
> Unfortunately, I fear that religion may not be the way for me. I
> believe in philosophy and in spirituality. The closest thing I have
> ever found to the "One Truth" in life is the "Dao" of Lao Zi's
> scriptures. Pure genius.
Mental acuity doesn't feel warm on lonely nights and won't cuddle you when you are hurting. Only yourself and people will do this for you. Cultivate inner genuine warmth for yourself and you will attract people who radiate such qualities into your life.
>
> However, the concept of believing in some sort of saviour Lord is
> difficult, if not impossible, for me. I am not an atheist, but I
> don't believe any specific real God actually exists. Every culture in > history has made up its own mythology to believe in, and I think that> is very beautiful. And this very fact prevents me from being able to > accept any single one as the "real way". I don't like the idea of > limiting my thought. I want to embrace universality and all knowledge.
Personally, and this is my own B.S. (belief system), I don't need to be saved from anything and it is presumptuous and victimizing of my personal integrity for someone to project that on me. I hate being patronized.
>
> Is there a way of being spiritual in the most universal form, without > adhering to any one specific rule-set imposed by one religion? Many > religions have a whole baggage of "evil" associated with them, such> as sexism or anti-gay beliefs.
Yes, of course there is. It begins by cultivating a relationship of wonder and appreciation for the person you are. Then you will be able to cultivate those relationships with people who feel the same way.
What is being spiritual anyway other than the ability to feel life deeply and with compassion?
>
> I am wondering how a person like me can feed or harvest his neglected > spiritual side?
It begins by honoring and loving yourself, showing your own self compassion first.
>
> I wish I could be as happy as you and believe in God. But deep down
> inside, I just believe in the reality of random. I agree with you
> that you can "assign" meaning to the randomness and meaninglessness
> of life. I am very much interested in Dadaism, which achieves this
> very thing. Divination (such as tarot) does also the same thing. It
> assigns meaning and symbols to a completely random thing: a deck of
> cards.
Yes life is random, there is no purpose to life. It is your playground upon which you can create your grand mythology of meaning and purpose. In your nascent self awareness you will begin to rise above the apparent randomness of reality and begin to consciously create a better life for yourself. It is impossible to create a better life for yourself when you believe and live your life attached to the dogma of random reality.
>
> But because everything is truly meaningless and arbitrary, I cannot
> take anything too seriously. Things only mean what you make them
> mean. Does that mean life is just a big convention? When I think
> intelligently and independently, I constantly reject conventions in
> order to see things from the other perspective. The times I feel
> happiest in life are when I travel, learn a new language, a new
> culture, learn about another way of seeing life. No single way is
> right. But each way sheds insight on the other various ways including > the one you may have been born with.
Do not worry. Life doesn't take you too seriously either. ;>
>
> How can I believe in or trust any God, when I know he or she is just
> a symbol we have made up ourselves?
So don't believe or trust in God, just trust in yourself. You will fuck up a lot in the beginning but eventually things will get better as you learn from your mistakes. Just keep taking those steps. Keep walking forward. Some of our worst problems as humans come because we love to contemplate and over analyze why something is not working instead of just keep moving forward.
>
> Maybe I have to believe in myself, in my own power or "sacredness" to > give meaning to life.
Well, there you go...see you already know all the answers you will ever need to make a good go at this life.
>
> Spiritually lost...
One is never lost. We are too glorious of beings to be lost. But we do forget were we are heading.
Blessings,
Susan
>
> Marraskuu (Christian)
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