To: K-list
Recieved: 2002/02/05 08:52
Subject: RE: [K-list] FW: The worst yet?
From: Rich
On 2002/02/05 08:52, Rich posted thus to the K-list:
Thank you to those who have replied to my message.
From what I have been told (both on and off the list) and through my own
investigation it appears to be a build up of energy in my brain with no
place to go. I actually experienced the same again last night.
What is interesting is that it comes on quite rapidly (almost
immediately) and if I try to push the energy around or out of the way,
which I can normally do when it's of low intensity, with this it just
becomes rigid like a wall. The more I push the harder it feels and it
reaches a point where it's frightening as you think you are going to
push too hard and break something in your brain or it will backfire and
zap you or something. I worry about going insane or loosing my 'self' in
this.
In some way I realise I am feeding this thing or creating it in some
way. At another level it feels like another personality or something
which is a bit weird. It seems to be rather complex in nature. I will
try more releasing on it over the next few days/weeks and report back if
I get a handle on it.
I do believe it may have been brought on or be a result of excessive
mental activity also as I tend to spend time on the computer at night
and also I had just taken an exam on the day that this first happened
which involved a lot of focussing on complex problems.
The thing is though I've done this many times before (both exams and
computer work at night) but I've never reacted like this before. I
suspect also it has something to do with what I have been dealing with
as an issue and not being able to see a way out easily. Feeling of being
trapped in the situation.
As Hillary says, it does seem to mask out all thoughts or normal
reactions to what we are experiencing. It leaves you feeling small and
isolated in a tiny part of your head. This whole surrender thing seems
okay but when it's your thoughts and mind and way of thinking it just
seems a bit too much - I depend upon this to get by in the World. I need
it for my job. Has anyone got experience of this and what it's like
after surrendering this up?
Whether it is catalepsy or not I am not too sure - I can't think of a
better way to describe it but the dictionary says that catalepsy
involved a loss of consciousness and locked limbs. Well I'd say my
consciousness is diminished but not lost and I am still aware of what is
happening - all too aware in fact which is what makes it so scary. I do
have this funny feeling of another me or something else wanting to drive
my system. But when I feel it, it has an angry feeling to it and I don't
think this is K as such. I am not sure. Maybe some other personality or
something has been sparked up by this energy and is interfering with me
as I am used to being.
It's funny that just as Hillary had experienced, also just writing and
thinking about this now seems to bring it on a bit.
Okay thanks again everyone - still keen to hear any further comments.
Kind regards,
Richard
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