To: K-list
Recieved: 2002/02/04 12:30
Subject: [K-list] FW: The worst yet?
From: Rich
On 2002/02/04 12:30, Rich posted thus to the K-list:
Hi everyone,
Not often I write about my situation but a lot's gone on lately and
wonder if I'm freaking out? Can anyone relate to this?
I have been dealing with a deep seated and heavily suppressed issue
relating to self-esteem, being accepted and feeling loved. I will spare
you the details of the content but there have been some heavy emotions
involved and I've spent many hours over the course of a few days in
taking away the layers to try and get to the root of this beast.
Night time - I go to bed and read for a while. As I lay down to rest, I
suddenly notice this sharp restricting pain inside my head. I can't seem
to hold my attention on anything or think properly and it's like this
pain is bombarding me. I feel trapped inside my head and get quite
panicky. I can't seem to tune into my thoughts or feel any emotion at
all. I feel as if I have been pushed aside. I find my body has gone
stone cold yet also as if I'm sweating buckets. I find myself becoming
weaker and weaker - I fear that I'm going to loose control over my body
- I feel as if I'm partially paralysed or in some sort of semi-coma
state, sort of locked in (no disrespect to those that are in a real coma
- I just can't think of a better way of describing this). Don't seem to
be able to move my limbs without considerable effort. Can't feel my
heart beat.
I try deep breathing, moving into heart chakra, more releasing, opening
crown chakra, reiki on head - nothing seems to change this. It's like my
brain has locked into this pattern. Some thoughts like worry only seem
to make it worse. It really feels like I'm trapped in my head and can't
communicate outside of this space. It's like my mental energy isn't
going anywhere and is just bouncing back at me and getting ever
stronger. The more of a fight I put up the worse it gets.
Managed to force myself out of bed. Have lots of cold water to drink.
Still just don't feel right. Like I'm just not here - I am emotionally
flat and very detached.
Eventually as I return to bed as I do also feel very tired and weak. I
ask for guidance and feel some sort of presence there. I acknowledge
this and give myself up to whatever is there trying to just listen and
abide to whatever it is. Eventually although the pain didn't stop I do
feel a warm loving feeling grow from my heart centre and I seem to be
able to focus on this. I must have fallen asleep.
Later the next day I feel all shivery and fearful. I can't hold a proper
conversation with anyone and am going from bursting out with laughter
(don't ask me why, just feel good about something) to being depressed
and scared. Also find it very hard to read or watch TV.
Later that day I do yoga and also more release work which seems to
restore some of the feeling in my head and put me back in touch with my
body a little. The next night I have the most erotic dream I've had for
a long time.
I'm still not through with it yet and it is better but it has also been
quite bad again last night and I just wondered if anyone has experienced
similar or can relate to this?
Okay thanks for listening,
Richard
--
http://www.kundalini-gateway.org
http://www.domin8rex.com/serpent/spirit/kindex.htm
DISCLAIMER!
Home | Archive Index | Search the archives | Subscribe
K. List FAQ | Kundalini FAQs | Signs and Symptoms | Awakening Experiences | K. list Polls | Member Essays | Meditations | List Topics | Art Gallery | Cybrary | Sitemap | Email the moderators.
symbol.