To: K-list
Recieved: 2002/02/01 12:44
Subject: [K-list] Notions of non-duality.
From: Mystress Angelique Serpent
On 2002/02/01 12:44, Mystress Angelique Serpent posted thus to the K-list:
At 08:25 AM 24/01/02, Hbarrett47ATnospamaol.com wrote:
>In a message dated 1/23/02 6:00:53 PM Mountain Standard Time,
>mystressATnospamfire-serpent.com writes:
>
><< When you can stay grounded permanently, you are enlightened. When you
> become All, and realize that you always were the source that fed you, you
> are Self Realized. >
>Marvelous, Angelique. I love the notion that becoming All is the ultimate
>grounding. Love, Holly
Thank you, Holly. Yes, that is what it is, a notion. Is it true? As
true as anything, I guess...
I had a strange experience receiving the responses to this post. I was
swamped with responses in private mail, people expressing gratitude and
appreciation, people asking me for help. I did not respond to any of them.
I really did not know what to do with them. I did not want or need
validation, or savior projections. I did not know that I did not want or
need validation, till I had received validation and I observed that I did
not know what to do with it.
I had forgotten how much mail my pompous essays generate. Reminded me
of why I tend to put them on websites instead of posting them to lists,
these days. The more I write to lists, the more people respond and the more
responses I have to write... it is a snowball with no end but to break the
chain somewhere along the line, or end up spending all my time at it...
while life goes by.
It is nice that people enjoyed it, but their enjoyment of it seemed
quite separate from my own purpose in writing it, which was my pleasure in
the creative act of writing. It was like the original inspiration was a
splinter, and the act of releasing it, drew the splinter. Once it was gone,
I was done with it and moved on... so, who were they writing to? The
author, the person I was in the creative act, no longer exists.
It was a very odd split. I wrote the post because I wanted to write it.
I had wanted to fill a page on the new site, that had been left blank
except for a title: non duality. The blank page amused me, actually as a
kind of ironic joke about emptiness... but still I wanted it filled and had
been waiting for weeks for the fuel of inspiration. Like waiting for fruit
to ripen so it can be harvested.
Waiting for the spark of inspiration to receive the fodder that would
make it blaze into manifestation. Keith provided the kindling with his
questions, but the kindling seemed separate from the creation, just as
reactions to the post after the moment of creation seemed quite separate
from the creation itself. One had nothing to do with the other. So much for
non-duality?
My whole involvement was with the creative act, it was a moment (well,
several hours) of release. Reactions to it after the fact, seemed wholly
separate from the act itself. The essay just Is. The responses just Are,
and I did not know what to do with them. There did not seem to be anything
to do with them, so I did nothing. Now I see that the correct polite
response would have been to say "thank you", and so I am. Thank you to
everyone who responded.
It is ironic to me, that my essay on non duality provoked a reaction in
me of more duality... but then, the map is not the territory. Rereading it
today, it appears to me to have as little to do with non-duality, as a
painting of a flower has to do with the flower that inspired it. Other
people's reactions to the painting are even farther removed from the flower
itself. My reactions to the reactions is to feel that distance, because I
am the flower. Round it goes, the universe chasing it's tail through its
reflections.
Since much of my artistic expression before this has been about getting
reactions, needing the reactions to validate the art, it occurs to me that
perhaps what I am experiencing is a new kind of artistic purity... Art that
is totally self referential and needs no response. Perhaps that is simply a
new kind of narcissistic vanity... but if I am All, then there is only
narcissism.
Perhaps it is, as I say, being totally fed from source within, I AM to
the point that energy coming from the external illusion of other is so
un-necessary as to be superfluous.
This K-fire of pure creative energy, I have a lot of it, and most of my
time is spent looking for places to put it. Putting it into things, into
people and writing and cement mud pies and cooking and websites... anything
I can find to release it into. Many of the responses carried quite a charge
themselves, which was in itself ironic. I wrote it to release the energy
and ended up with more to find a place for. My cup runneth over, and I
runneth in circles like a headless chicken, trying to find containers for
mopping up the overflow and getting frustrated when others dump more in.
That idea makes no sense to me, even as I write it, but it is true to
my feelings, at the time.
Thnks to everyone who responded. Blessings!
--
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