To: K-list
Recieved: 2002/01/22 14:47
Subject: [K-list] Re: suicide stuff
From: marraskuu1978
On 2002/01/22 14:47, marraskuu1978 posted thus to the K-list:
Thank you to all who replied to my troubled message!
I particularly admired the responses by lionessbleu and godchild.
So perhaps belief in God and spirituality is a solution!
In a way, I am so envious that your commitment to your religion
brings you so much hope and joy. Despite all the horrible things in
life, you seem to be happy and not depressed. I wish I was internally
capable of believing in God in the way you do.
You have helped me understand that my soul is indeed completely
starved. I have completely neglected my spiritual side. Yet that is
difficult for me, because I am an intelligent and questioning person.
Unfortunately, I fear that religion may not be the way for me. I
believe in philosophy and in spirituality. The closest thing I have
ever found to the "One Truth" in life is the "Dao" of Lao Zi's
scriptures. Pure genius.
However, the concept of believing in some sort of saviour Lord is
difficult, if not impossible, for me. I am not an atheist, but I
don't believe any specific real God actually exists. Every culture in
history has made up its own mythology to believe in, and I think that
is very beautiful. And this very fact prevents me from being able to
accept any single one as the "real way". I don't like the idea of
limiting my thought. I want to embrace universality and all knowledge.
Is there a way of being spiritual in the most universal form, without
adhering to any one specific rule-set imposed by one religion? Many
religions have a whole baggage of "evil" associated with them, such
as sexism or anti-gay beliefs.
I am wondering how a person like me can feed or harvest his neglected
spiritual side?
I wish I could be as happy as you and believe in God. But deep down
inside, I just believe in the reality of random. I agree with you
that you can "assign" meaning to the randomness and meaninglessness
of life. I am very much interested in Dadaism, which achieves this
very thing. Divination (such as tarot) does also the same thing. It
assigns meaning and symbols to a completely random thing: a deck of
cards.
But because everything is truly meaningless and arbitrary, I cannot
take anything too seriously. Things only mean what you make them
mean. Does that mean life is just a big convention? When I think
intelligently and independently, I constantly reject conventions in
order to see things from the other perspective. The times I feel
happiest in life are when I travel, learn a new language, a new
culture, learn about another way of seeing life. No single way is
right. But each way sheds insight on the other various ways including
the one you may have been born with.
How can I believe in or trust any God, when I know he or she is just
a symbol we have made up ourselves?
Maybe I have to believe in myself, in my own power or "sacredness" to
give meaning to life.
Spiritually lost...
Marraskuu (Christian)
http://www.kundalini-gateway.org
http://www.domin8rex.com/serpent/spirit/kindex.htm
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