To: K-list
Recieved: 2002/01/16 03:55
Subject: Re: [K-list] fire-infection......
From: Mia

Thank you so much Hillary and Mystress for giving me feedback on this topic!

I'm in a way struggling with it for almost 25 years now ( and Chiron coming
up to my Venus (on the rising) opp. Saturn ( on the Desc) constellation
obviously wants to transform the topic.....

When i was young i wasn't conscious of what was going on at all. I felt,
these people are not really looking for * me* and not responding to * me*,
but because of my lack of consciousness and knowledge i had no clue what
they were experiencing or seeing through me. Actually i was terrified.......
i felt totally overwhelmed by the attention and i was not in tune at all
with what was being sent through me.
I was identified with the " little Mia" and i was shocked and sad, that
these people didn't look for " me", but were responding to something that
has not much to do with my person. But my ego wanted to be found, wanted to
be heard!!! I wasn't ready to make golden wheels turn in their hearts and
other phenomenon that they described to me. I just wanted the prince to come
and find my little ego and take it home and love it forever....<g>.

So i had this conflict of interests going on in my relationships constantly.
It's fine if you are a clear and conscious channel for Divine energy and
happy to serve.....
but if you have personal wishes and needs and desires at the same time , it
can become a little difficult und things can get messed up quite easily.

By now i'm ready to serve and - i think- my personal issues are
fulfilled.....or at least they don't interfere that much any
longer..........
Now i was wondering what the Divine is expecting from us as channels for
this kind of energy.
After i read your postings i think i understood that taking on the
responsibility in a way is an ego thing to take control, a little rest of
this personal/impersonal mix..........
so i let go of it...........
your replies helped me a lot!
thanks again
love
mia

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