To: K-list
Recieved: 2002/01/10 20:34
Subject: [K-list] questions
From: Ousiece
On 2002/01/10 20:34, Ousiece posted thus to the K-list:
Hi my name is paco and i've been going through a kundalini process for about
five years now which was initiated through the experimentation of
hallucinogenics, which pretty much gave me a beating, though it brought on a
psychosis which i am still coming out of, delusions, feeling like i'm a
savior, it's pretty damn difficult, also it seems to be a shamanic awakening
where i'm a spiritual warrior, however, i need help, basically, i have been
for the most part doing it myself, with some therapy and at times seeing
healers, but mostly i work with my guides and spirits and elves nad fairies
and plants and trees, i'm learning how to work with this, stuff. i just went
through a process that i am recovering from where i pretty much fell in lust
for awhile i became delusional and drove my car into a flooded road, i was, i
believe, having a flashback from when i was doing the hallucinogenics,
however, the cool thing, is that i came out of it with a book that i am
writing about all this stuff. i am learning and its very difficult, so much
pressure! so much damn pressure! to basically learn to balance myself, i am
learning to balance the masculine and feminine archetypes within myself, i am
learning how to guide myself by talking to kundalini- i have had visions,
hear noises, myth is becoming a bit clearer, though it does scare me to
notice it.
the cool thing is that i am finding my artistic abilties, poetry,
writing, painting, drawing, music, this is all helping me to ground, not only
that i love writing, i am a writerly kind, who loves music and art, so
anyhow, i am just playing, i am learning to go for freedom where i can just
be myself and do what i want. without "quippling" so to speak, so what
else, i am learning. i have posted a couple of times onto this group and i
read the messages sometimes, i have learned through this, group just by
listening and reading the messages, it helps to have people around who are
experiencing the same thing. met someone who i speak to over the phone who is
also going through a k awakening, it really helps to talk to her.
i have worked off and on for hte past five years, office clerical
type jobs and other stuff, mostly going through periods, of insanity,
depression, emotional cleansing and healing, and learning about healing, i am
learning htat when i go around, i that i don't have to teach everyone and
heal people everywhere i go, i feel pressure, my guides- something, even
kundalini guides me to learn to do this stuff, sorcery and witchcraft, all
that crap i must say, siddhis, whatever the problem is that i would much
rather be peaceful, though sometimes it is fun to play around with magic,
only because i am still learning to go within and stay within, i am learning
to ground and stay in my body, i am always leaving my body, because i am
good at it.
i am learning to journey and work wiht my animals and see, its just
very difficult to do this, alone, i would lvoe to have some suport, i was
always afraid to open up with this stuff on here, but i feel safer now and
trust myself more, i went through a long time where i didn't trust myself,
around people i isolated myself for about two or three months where i didn't
do anything but stay at home and heal and talk with my guides. i would like
some advice on how to work with guides. where i should return to my body more
and heal myself before i people always tell me i should not talk to my
guides so much, i need to learn how to do this, because i must say they do
help me-
how about this, i am learning to go with hatred, because i am being
told that when i go wiht hatred it comes out loving, so i am told, and i do
see this as being true. i think. i don't know, so i'm also learning to work
with power or should i say walk with power, i am working with a horse up teh
street who is guiding me and is one of my spirit helpers, i am learning about
different sicknesses, and i myself am still sick, with a bit of madness.
i am still wondering if i am coming through a process where i am
wondering if the spiritual warrior aspect is just an archetype that i have
identified with to help me get throught the process, i need more friends, so
i speak in the intelligent way of a fray of love in tghe awareness of a
poetic gay ol loving farting thought to this, quipple ol man they wantt to be
betrayed to this ol logical sound, be afraid boy be afraid, be speak! i am
intelligent to the fostering pounding sound of a lust hound to this ol
wintery sound of booming, we care, tothe loving fostering boom! boom! power
just shoook my rattled ol loving fart, of a care into this, i care so i am
real- and horny, horniness just shook, so i hear, i hear things, real swell,
this is the stuff that rattles, rattle rattle, rattles, through my
brain, oh so go oh so go into this ol throat, we care
cool, but this, is stuff my sound, and i need help right back to you
you ol fart, just kidding quipple quiple i know i am rough but this is stuff
tough,
i need to learn how to ground, quipple quipple, jesus,
this may be funny to you but we care.
oh so anyhow it would be nice to learn and be wiht more people so i
can get help basically, i need an ear to sound to. ears? ears? i need to
learn to ground
i need more logic and objectivity. the masculine side, i am too much
in intuition
how do you guys handle this, stuff, maybe i am rough, i am learning
how to handle lust and not be fear with this, stuff, it is a healing process
and i quipple with a bitter ol tiny little jeeze i quipple but i am nipple
poink poink, oink oink, to the ear? am i betrayed, be little, i want to
learn. be yourself,
anyhow so what do you think, can i be trusted into this ol loving fart
group? art is my ear. i want to learn, because i need. help. i trust i
trust, i am dying.
so what do you think can we talk? i hate the flashing sound, of
teeth gnashing, so can we be dear near, to your own loving ear? i go near
because i am a poetic thought to the undear of robbery in near! dear. so
can we talk, rumour is you were betrayed- how do you guys help people, i am
learning to talk well, i am myself, and i go with myself, but i would still
like help to talk. i need to go more within myself, but i am guided i guess
i do it myself, i am my own creator, but even when i pray- it's still
difficult and i don't need to be a martyr. that is much too serious, gay is
my pleasure, no it is not! i hear thee i hear thee! though of course, its
only that that that is not my sound, help please!
so anyhow, i would like to open up conversation, so perhaps i could
help and learn to ground and go within myself through some loving, hateful?
nah, guidance of a loving ear.
thank you,
sincerely,
paco
http://www.kundalini-gateway.org
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