To: K-list
Recieved: 2002/01/08 15:46
Subject: Re: [K-list] the kundalini process and the spaces between
From: emilybATnospamsympatico.ca
On 2002/01/08 15:46, emilybATnospamsympatico.ca posted thus to the K-list:
Hi Jane
>Unfortunately, part of me, and I don't know
> where it originally comes from or what drives it, seems to think it is an
> unreal proposition for me to experience what I know others do. It feels a
> bit like a secret no-one let me in on. I understand what I read, I could
> explain things perfectly to someone else, but I can't feel it, and if I
> can't feel it, I'm not in touch at a 'real' level. I feel like I'm 'not
> allowed', and I have no clue why.
If I understand you correctly, you dont' feel 'entitled' to be experiencing
Kundalini. That it's something that happens to others, but certainly not to
someone like you.
I felt the same way and posted about that when I joined the list and others
responded that they had also felt the very same emotions. I couldn't believe
it was happening to me and didn't feel particularly 'worthy'.
Sometimes, I still have a hard believing that it is happening to me. No
matter what strange and bizarre (LOL) experiences I have, there is a part of
me that still wants to doubt that this is indeed happening. Then right after
doubting that I'm really experiencing Kundalini, I'll happily fall into a
state of bliss or have other 'strange' experiences which are becoming second
nature now. LOL
I have to laugh at myself. I'm all over the map with this K process.
>I also often feel disconnected from my
> body, as though it is seperate from the real me. I have the disconcerting
> experience of looking in the mirror and not feeling a real sense of
> recognition of myself. I look in my own eyes and it is like someone I don't
> recognize, and it makes me very sad sometimes.
That has happened to me also, particularly after experiencing a period of
intense K. It's as if I don't know who I am anymore. It seems that even my
face is changing in appearance.
>I am often briefly
> overwhelmed with grief for no apparent reason, but it feels as though I am
> in anguish for myself and all life.
Oy! I can relate big time to that too. It feels like I'm disconnected from
'being-ness' and ache painfully to get reconnected once more but don't know
how.
>I cannot watch the news very easily. [snip] I cannot bear seeing people suffer.
> It's strange, I can watch a surgical procedure with interest, because the
> person is unconcious. I don't mind blood etc., but if I see someone awake
> and suffering I simply cannot bear it. I feel like such a coward.
No, you're not a coward. I experience the same thing. No problem with blood,
with watching an operation, but can't stand to watch the news anymore. I'm
going to sound so totally corny, but I feel such love now, I know the world
is made up love and joy and I can't stand to see how this love is not being
lived, expressed, how it's being perverted. I don't know how to say it.
You're experiencing empathy and compassion. Nothing wrong or cowardly about
that. Think instead of the people who are watching other people suffer
without feeling anything. Are they brave?
> Although I
> don't go around feeling depressed, except for a couple of days before
> menstruating, when it gets really bad, I find it increasingly harder to feel
> joy, as though a batterie's running down. I know it is partly a result of
> being sick most of my life. I am very tired all the time, despite the Chi
> Machine, O2 therapies, diet, supplements, I could fill the page. It's been
> suggested I have low serotonin, and I think that's so, but if I can feel
> anguish, why can't I feel true joy anymore? I mean, I love my family,
> animals, nature, the planet etc., and I still see lots that I should feel
> happy for. It's not so much a depression as it is a feeling that something
> vital is missing. Sorry to ramble on!
If it's low serotonin, then it would be normal to feel the anguish but not
feel true joy. I'm sure you've tried many things but there is always more
that you can try. Don't give up. Have you tried tryptophan? Linseed oil? Oh
the list could be so long of things that you could try. Changes to your
diet? Many of us have felt the need to radically change our diets after K.
And even before K. Don't get us started on diet tips! LOL We each have our
own experiences and we'll inundate you with tips.
The Indians also have a remedy for depression: putting some kind of oil in
the hair which I'm told works wonders. Like I said, there are so many things
to try.
You have found the right place it seems. Hopefully we'll all be able to give
you support and some tips. At least, we'll listen with empathy and without
judgement.
Welcome to the list
Emily from Montreal
http://www.kundalini-gateway.org
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